Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think my head is going to expode

74 replies

Blossomflowers · 17/07/2017 09:56

So will try not to drip feed. Got a lot going on in my life right now, dad in hospital for past 2 weeks, he had dementia and so going through the process of getting him into a home for his own safety. I am preparing to sell my house which is sad as been here for 17 years, ( am supposed to moving in with DP) have discovered DS1 has a gambling addiction and keep borrowing money from me and not paying me back. I am also having blood tests to establish why I have an enlarged spleen and gall bladder. So life a bit tough.
So last week my DP's children stayed last week, 15 and 19. I have done my best to give them a nice time, family BBQ's, a few meals out but if I am honest I find them hard work especially with everything that is going on, going to hospital each day (which a 2 hour round trip)the 19 year is very negative, snappy ( not with me), it is like having a dark cloud in my house, I try to engage her in conversation but I get one word replies. So yesterday DP and I were a little snippy, I had to go off to hospital to visit dad and DP insisted in tagging along and taking his daughter into town, I kind just wanted to be on my own and not have to fit in with anyone else but DP thought I was being unreasonable so I just went with the flow. Finally his daughter went home, sorry I don't mean to sound unkind but glad to have my house back. Anyhow settled to watch the Wimbledon final and have 3 beers ( this is relevant), everything ok at this point, so when finished the match DP goes onto phone where he does spend a lot of time talking to other daughter as they have fallen out. Eventually I fed up waiting so download and series that I thought we could both watch, I say I am going to start watching, he then flies into a rage and we have a row and say some stupid things. He is now full on shouting at me as ask him to leave me alone but just keeps going. I could go on but you get the picture. So he then puts on a film in the other room so drowning out my TV, I ask his to close the door, he wont so I do, he opens it again by this time I am beginning to get very cross. So in the end I and up sitting out in my conservsatory with nothing to watch. The issue is he is now blaming me for everything as a I was drunk wtaf. This is a recurring theme, yes I like a drink but I run a business, manage to house and it most def does not effect my day to day life. He now leaving me because I am a drunk, just for context his ex is an alcholic and just come out of rehab, I feel like I am being judges on her tbh. He has started on me again this morning, just so fed up and needed to vent, sorry this was so long.. I have feeling numb, just fed up living on egg shells in my own house. What would you do?

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 18/07/2017 12:46

A bit of weed for personal use is OK I thought?
It's looking more and more like you've had a lucky escape here. Can you take pictures of the messages on his ipad?

Blossomflowers · 18/07/2017 12:58

provider A bit more than personal use sadly. But they will not procecute but I have asked them to put the frighteners and hope it will put an end to his silliness

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 18/07/2017 13:00

Yes I was going to say take photos of the ipad info about abuse.
What a friggin' nightmare he is.
Weed for personal use won't be an issue.
Unless he has lot of it he should be fine.
Did you know that weed was there?
If not then how did he know?

cappy123 · 18/07/2017 13:00

Thinking of you Blossom. Well done for keeping it together. Get a friend in real life to be with you through this. Can anyone stay over with you some days?x Flowers

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/07/2017 13:24

Glad the police are not going to prosecute but the experience will give DS something to think about. What a summer you're having.

Blossomflowers · 18/07/2017 19:16

LOL it was going so well.

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 19/07/2017 09:24

I have had a ton of messages from him, pointing out my short comings, how I should come crawling to him and eat humble pie, how I belittle him, I do not by the, some pretty things get said in an argument, think that bit is normal. Most chilling is he said he had a smile on his face when hosing me down. What would you make of that?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 19/07/2017 09:45

I would think he was a sadistic bastard!
And he is.
Please block him now.
You don't need to read all his shite gaslighting crap!
Do not engage.
Keep going!

redexpat · 19/07/2017 10:19

You are screen shotting all of these messages arent you? Is he being charged with anything?

Blossomflowers · 19/07/2017 10:24

Yes my sentiments exactly hells, actually reading his messages is kind of helping me see what a sick individual he is, though did not read the last couple. I think if I had done such a horrible things ( though could never imagine I would want humiliate someone like that) I would apologising and begging for forgiveness. I actually asked him how he would feel if someone was treating his daughters like this and asked him to consider carefully, all I got back was a load of bollocks about imagine if you sons wife was belittling your son. Words fail me

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/07/2017 10:27

In this, as so many cases, the best answer is no answer. All you are doing by replying is feeding his ego. He wants you to engage. Do not give him the satisfaction

Rinkydink2 · 19/07/2017 10:33

Every time you engage you give him ammunition to fire back at you.
Cut him out of your life

ExplodedCloud · 19/07/2017 10:44

I'm sure him turning the hose on you could be construed as assault of some kind. And he's admitted he did it happily.
I agree that engaging with him any further than 'Return my lawnmower and keys. We are not in a relationship' is a bad idea.

Mum4Fergus · 19/07/2017 10:49

Dump and run...focus on you and your DS.

Blossomflowers · 19/07/2017 11:56

mum sorry that does sound a bit judgy, I care for my boys who 17 and 26, I am supporting them and have been single for 3 years doing my best. I do not think it is wrong to try and build my future now do you?

OP posts:
Mum4Fergus · 19/07/2017 13:07

Apologies Blossom...I didn't mean to judge, I didn't see your DS ages Flowers

Blossomflowers · 19/07/2017 13:26

mum no problem, I am being a right grumpy cow today

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/07/2017 13:41

Ugh the posturing and fault listing is part of the punishment process, ignore.

Blossomflowers · 19/07/2017 13:55

Just had a very long email trying smooth things over, interesting there was not one apology in that message for anything he has done or said. His justification for hosing me down was "his escape route to not losing it" I not sure I understand that statement

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 19/07/2017 14:43

He means that you should be grateful that he only hosed you down and didn't punch you in the face or smash up your car.

And that he should be forgiven for this small assault because he wanted to assult you much more seriously.

And it's all your fault that you made him lose it. So make sure you never upset him again or he will REALLY Lose it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/07/2017 14:56

He will heap up the self-justification but not apologise because you drove him to it.
Whatever sparked it all off you were scared enough to call the police.
You know his exes would probably have similar stories.
I think the stress he has caused is absolutely the last thing you need with everything else going on.

Blossomflowers · 19/07/2017 15:35

mmm I did not think of it like that

OP posts:
Rinkydink2 · 19/07/2017 15:47

he sounds more and more like a mouth breathing escapee from the Jeremy Kyle show
What are you even doing with a jerk like that?

Blossomflowers · 19/07/2017 15:51

Ha ha rinky I was only joking that I could go on JK, my sister has taken 1000 from my dad who has dementia and now broke, has blocked me because I told her to pay it back, DS1 has a gambling addiction I have just found out about, DM has sided with my sisters saying she is entitled to his money wtaf, DS has to be interviewed by police for possession of cannabis and the enraged partner. Think I might jump of a bridge lol

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page