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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think my head is going to expode

74 replies

Blossomflowers · 17/07/2017 09:56

So will try not to drip feed. Got a lot going on in my life right now, dad in hospital for past 2 weeks, he had dementia and so going through the process of getting him into a home for his own safety. I am preparing to sell my house which is sad as been here for 17 years, ( am supposed to moving in with DP) have discovered DS1 has a gambling addiction and keep borrowing money from me and not paying me back. I am also having blood tests to establish why I have an enlarged spleen and gall bladder. So life a bit tough.
So last week my DP's children stayed last week, 15 and 19. I have done my best to give them a nice time, family BBQ's, a few meals out but if I am honest I find them hard work especially with everything that is going on, going to hospital each day (which a 2 hour round trip)the 19 year is very negative, snappy ( not with me), it is like having a dark cloud in my house, I try to engage her in conversation but I get one word replies. So yesterday DP and I were a little snippy, I had to go off to hospital to visit dad and DP insisted in tagging along and taking his daughter into town, I kind just wanted to be on my own and not have to fit in with anyone else but DP thought I was being unreasonable so I just went with the flow. Finally his daughter went home, sorry I don't mean to sound unkind but glad to have my house back. Anyhow settled to watch the Wimbledon final and have 3 beers ( this is relevant), everything ok at this point, so when finished the match DP goes onto phone where he does spend a lot of time talking to other daughter as they have fallen out. Eventually I fed up waiting so download and series that I thought we could both watch, I say I am going to start watching, he then flies into a rage and we have a row and say some stupid things. He is now full on shouting at me as ask him to leave me alone but just keeps going. I could go on but you get the picture. So he then puts on a film in the other room so drowning out my TV, I ask his to close the door, he wont so I do, he opens it again by this time I am beginning to get very cross. So in the end I and up sitting out in my conservsatory with nothing to watch. The issue is he is now blaming me for everything as a I was drunk wtaf. This is a recurring theme, yes I like a drink but I run a business, manage to house and it most def does not effect my day to day life. He now leaving me because I am a drunk, just for context his ex is an alcholic and just come out of rehab, I feel like I am being judges on her tbh. He has started on me again this morning, just so fed up and needed to vent, sorry this was so long.. I have feeling numb, just fed up living on egg shells in my own house. What would you do?

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 17/07/2017 13:56

Well done for not engaging, and for recognising he is the problem. It's a shame when it goes like this, but better now than when you are in France!

Have a rethink about your options- protect the money from the house sale from your son and from dp.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 17/07/2017 14:05

Poor snowflake trying to get attention!
(hellsbells don't worry I haven't lost the plot).

Btw have you seen GamCare website. It offers various levels of counselling and support, and it's free.
Their helpline number for you to get advice is
0808 8020 133.
After an initial assessment, DS could have weekly counselling either via Skype, instant messaging, on the phone or face to face.

Borntobeamum · 17/07/2017 14:09

And you love this man?

Blossomflowers · 17/07/2017 14:09

donkey LOL re snowflake, I am struggling to appear not bothered, inside I am very angry. I would have expected more from him as if nothing else he knows what I am going through. Thanks for the info will encourage DS to contact them, he does not live with me and no doubt avoiding me as he probably knows I know now.

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 17/07/2017 14:12

Bornto I thought I did but very hard when someone is acting like this. Not sure where it all came from. We only had a couple of niggles yesterday, he knows how to push buttons maybe I should not have reacted last night but so fed up with everything.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/07/2017 14:56

So you're not moving in with him?

Blossomflowers · 17/07/2017 14:59

Bit It does not seem an option but it is difficult as we kind of live together already, spend half time here and half in France and idea was moving to France once my house is sold.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/07/2017 15:04

I really really don't think you should sell your house. Please don't in fact. I think it would be a disaster for you. He sounds absolutely vile and I can't help but think that once he's got you in France in his house, he'll get even worse. It doesn't sound like you like him, let alone love him (and I don't blame you, he's an abusive bully) and you need to get him out of your life.

solsbury · 17/07/2017 15:05

Why do you "have to" sell your house? Other reasons besides any pressure he's putting on you?

Blossomflowers · 17/07/2017 15:10

Sols nothing to do with him about the house. I have large debt with a bank and they have a charge over my house, so have given me 6 months to sell so they will get paid and hopefully I will get something to restart. I have taken legal advice and this has been going on for years.
Bit No I don't like him right now, he is being controlling and horrible, he is blanking me right now, wish I was bigger I feel like throttling him.

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 18/07/2017 09:01

So things went from bad to worse. After a day of his sulking which I managed not to react to he picked another fight. Asked me to move my car so he could get his van out, because he is "leaving because he know where he is not wanted) too right. I moved said car but then he wanted me to move again, getting pretty fed up and tired of it all. So I refuse he then proceeds to start trashing kitchen in search of keys, in my face threatening I have gone to far, I ask him 3 times to stop or I will call the police, he did not so did something I have never done before and called 999.. I then got in my car to drive away to safety whilst waiting unfortunately he found a hose and soaked me in the car with full on jet spray. Managed to get to a friends house, police asked him to leave and told them he was booked on ferry last night. Seems he has got a set of keys cut, stolen my petrol lawn mower, he is still in the UK. Had a text and apparently he has done nothing wrong. Wow

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 18/07/2017 09:14

How scary for you!
Have you told the police about the lawnmower, keys, text and still being here?
You can get new locks and change them yourself - a trip to B&Q should do it for the common eurolocks. Meantime leave keys in locks so he can't use his keys. Bag his stuff up ready to go.
This must feel quite shocking to you :(

picklemepopcorn · 18/07/2017 10:05

What a horror of a man! Sounds like you are still being calm and sensible, despite his weirdness.

redexpat · 18/07/2017 10:13

Well done for calling the police. Have you got someone in real life who can support you through this? Change the locks today. According to mners if its a yale lock you can just change the barrell yourself and its quite easy.

SlothMama · 18/07/2017 10:19

He sounds like a vile, nasty man OP don't move to France or move in with him! Change the locks and report him for stealing the mower

hellsbellsmelons · 18/07/2017 10:27

Wow - he escalated to physically, verbally, nasty abusive prick in no time at all.
Well done on calling the police.
Hopefully, there is no going back for you now.

Blossomflowers · 18/07/2017 10:57

He is calling me abusive and has done nothing wrong apparently

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 18/07/2017 11:05

If you're so awful he won't mind pissing off and leaving you then, will he?
The police may well see it your way though Grin

Blossomflowers · 18/07/2017 12:18

The police were really great actually. Unfortunately DP pulled me sons weed out on display so I have now have to take him for questioning, so yet another stress. DS is stupid for having it and is in deep trouble but that was just vindictive.

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 18/07/2017 12:20

oh and apparently I should be eating humble pie, he also thinks it was highly amusing for drenching me. Nice

OP posts:
provider5sectorzz9 · 18/07/2017 12:29

Yes outta control and you are well rid!

provider5sectorzz9 · 18/07/2017 12:31

Dont engage with him, he will try and reel you back in
sounds like he may be one of those people who gets off on having major dramas going on all the time?
be unresponsive and boring and he'll go off looking for a buzz somewhere else

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/07/2017 12:33

Horrendous. Well done dialling 999 you did the right thing. He sounds unbalanced! Good riddance.

Blossomflowers · 18/07/2017 12:37

Actually he left his I Pad here and I was naughty and had a peek. Some very interesting dialog with ex GF and Ex wife. seems he has been called controlling, violent, smashing things up,. This is gaslighting at its best, or maybe he really beleives he is the victim

OP posts:
provider5sectorzz9 · 18/07/2017 12:43

He's a walking clusterfuck 😨
Stay well away!

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