Who should clean this mess??

[CokeAttack]

Very short version
Partner A picks up their lunch bag and drops a bottle of Coke that was in there. Bottle exploded, mess everywhere.

Long version
Lunch bad was a t the top of a cupboard that A can't reach (being on tiptoes allows them to grab the handle of the bag but not the bag itself iyswim). PArtner B has put the bag there open.
Partner B has been told numerous times that it's very hard for A to reach and to please not out the bag too far away/close the bag etc....
A also has a chronic illness that means they are extremely tired so the half an hour+ of cleaning on the top of day to day stuff (A cleans the kitchen in the am, prepare the evening meal if in slow cooker etc...) is likely to send them over energy wise. A doesn't not do that sort of cleaning (as in floors, doors etc) in the house on a day to day basis due to their illness and haven't done so for several years now.

So what would you expect to happen? A cleans, B cleans, A and B clean the kitchen together??

See I still agree with all of the comments regardless of which direction they go.
From the fact he should have helped and it was only kind to do it to the fact that after all why don't I tidy up my own stuff or find a new easier place for the bag.

I feel very guilty of not being able to just get on with things/find a pace for the bag/grab the bag myself
And very hurt that he has (again) not shown any compassion. I agree too with Therealslimshady1. This is how things should be happening :(

See I will disagree with you about the time it took to do the cleaning.
The bottle fell from about 2meter height, bounced in the floor and then literally exploded.
It wasn't about cleaning a bit of Coke on the floor. It's more like cleaning half of the kitchen from top to bottom. There was some everywhere. The floor yes but also half of the walls, the fridges, doors etc etc. It went underneath the fridge (which needed to be moved).

That said, given that you are unwell, it would be reasonable for you to ask your DH for help, and for him to do so willingly

I'll start this by saying I am the chronically ill one in our household. I am immensely grateful for all my wife does for me, however it must be wearing on her. I imagine at times she really resents it. This wasn't what she signed up for.

The key is to talk about what he can do to help her help herself, such as finding places for the bag. She needs to think about what she needs to change so as things like this don't arise.

I wouyld ask him everyday to get the bag down. he will soon learn to put it where you can reach. oh and do not prep the tea. he can make it this evening.

"yes I am A" WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

YY to if you ask him to sort it out everyday, he'll stop doing it cause it causes him hassle.

OP, there is absolutely zero point whatsoever in using "Partner A" and "Partner B" and saying you did so to be unbiased and get objective responses, when the entirety of your posts come from only A's perspective and are intended to generate sympathy or pity for poor A ... of course you are A, of course you only want people to say A has been hard done by.

Why do you want to hear that from strangers? You just need your husband to behave differently. If you are truly so unwell that you are crying with exhaustion after cleaning a bottle of coke, you have bigger problems than just the question of who should have wiped it up.

A & B both sound like hard work

If you are truly so unwell that you are crying with exhaustion after cleaning a bottle of coke, you have bigger problems than just the question of who should have wiped it up.

So what do you think is the problem?
I think Ive said it numerous times, I agree with all the ocmenst that have been said in this thread. The Ines that say that I amahrd work (I'm pretty sure I am) and the ones who say that DH is an arse.
If you think yu know where the issue is, I'd genuinely really love to know TBH.

I'd say stop being partners - if this is an example of the pedantry going on in your relationship then you are better off apart!

Charmatt can you explain a bit more what you mean by pedantry in this case

So it was your lunch bag and you left the coke in it? Then yes if you want to apportion blame then I guess it was your fault.

I don't understand why relocating the lunch boxes is so tricky - isn't it just a question of saying

"Hey B as you know I find it really tricky to get my lunch box down so I thought from now on we'd keep them here".

Then it's all sorted surely?

A should have no compunction in asking for help with things that B has made difficult despite being asked not to do them that way.

This A gives her B short shrift for putting things she needs where she can't reach them without risk of injury (too high, too low or too far back!) and B is apologetic and would clean up a mess that he'd caused by not thinking about what he was doing.

What @Therealslimshady1 said ^^

exactly. You need more kindness in your relationship.

Read it back - small world problems! What would you be like if you had a real problem to deal with?

Read it back - small world problems! What would you be like if you had a real problem to deal with
What, like a debillitating illness you mean?

But who can judge whether someone is genuinely acting like an arse, in this one very small snapshot of your relationship? The A and B stuff is also very irritating, you're not neutral so stop pretending to be

I would wager the Coke bottle is just a symptom of a deeper issue, perhaps a reflection of a few issues becoming a problem in your relationship.

As someone with a severe illness (and also very short ) I would say the most important thing in getting through life together happily with someone else in these circumstances, is kindness.

I understand how upsetting it is not being able to do things. I probably would have cried, simply at the thought of having to clean it up but I also would be sad and annoyed about the fact if I couldn't, it would be yet another thing DH, or someone else, has to do for me.

I think it's very very easy in this situation to slip into resentment on both sides, frustration on both sides, and then someone slipping into martyr mode and the other slipping into impatient mode.

I think if this has turned into a fight, it's important to unpick the deeper meaning and not argue about the actual Coke bottle, if that makes sense. Dealing with an acquired disability or illness is very hard on relationships and, IME, it's really important to make sure you are as kind to each other as much as you possibly could be. This involves thinking ahead and planning and actively making adjustments, I don't mean just lots of please and thank you

Instead of trying to garner support via A and B scenarios, I would spend time with your DH saying something along the lines of "we don't want another row over a bloody Coke bottle, is there anything we can do to make it easier?" perhaps a labelled (I love a label ) lower down specific shelf for the boxes, he cleans them in the evening and you fill them in the morning.

Of course I am assuming you generally have a good relationship which is just under stress, and that neither of you are an arse or abusive etc. If you think that isn't the case, then you need a more useful thread about the deeper issues, that the Coke bottle symbolises.

Exactly it seems like her small problem was a symptom of a real problem.

Well it's only a small world problem when you can easily do it. Not when doing said cleaning is using most of your energy for the day.

Which means no energy to do the things you need to do such as work.... or just feeling not too overwhelmed.

Floofycat thanks.
You made me cry there.

1. find anew home for the bag. Make it an available workable space and say from now on please put my bag there.
2. I would have expected help with cleaning up the coke.
3. These things happen, tempers get frayed, people don;talways help when they should or respond nicely when they should.

Let it go.

brilliant post by floofycat.

Not crying in a bad way, I hope