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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I messed up, need a non judgemental view

36 replies

missmelly1311 · 17/07/2017 03:17

So I'm gonna try and keep this short.
I was with the babies dad, we broke up and have been for about 3-4 months now. I met someone, slept with him after a while (unprotected) also this was quite early after breaking up with the babies dad and was short lived (2 weeks) he robbed from me and turns out he's a bit of a village bike.
Anyway, recently I've met someone I truly like and care for. He literally makes me feel different to anyone else. Unfortunately we've had sex too and now I'm absolutely bricking it that I may have an std from the robber and now passed it on to this amazing guy!
I've ordered a home test for everything and sent it off today but the wait is killing me! I know I should tell him but I don't see the point until I know for definite but then now he'll ask why we aren't having sex.
I've never been in this situation and it's killing me. I feel so bad and I know all the blame is on me.
I'm just looking for some support of some kind?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/07/2017 03:35

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Yes, unprotected sex is not a good idea, but what's done is done. Wait for the results of your tests, and then deal with this once you know. There is no point in worrying yourself to death before you even know anything.

heyday · 17/07/2017 05:27

He is responsible for his own sexual health as you are yours. You should both be tested for any STI before you continue to have unprotected sex again. Hopefully everything will be ok but Please learn from your mistakes. Onwards and upwards now.

Cavender · 17/07/2017 05:31

Why a home test? Take yourself off to your local GUM clinic quick smart.

Wallywobbles · 17/07/2017 05:33

Are you pregnant? I'm not sure from your first post. But if you are it's really not a great plan to be having unprotected sex with unknowns as it puts the baby at risk. Adults can take care of their own sexual health.

Extua · 17/07/2017 05:38

He could just as much have an std and passed it on to you. You weren't together when you slept with the other guy. All you're guilty of is being a bit stupid regarding your own health. You should both be tested like others have said. The new guy is clearly as willing to have unprotected sex and who knows with before

Angelf1sh · 17/07/2017 06:00

You can use condone if you're worried you know. Just because you've once had unprotected sex doesn't mean you're required to continue to do so. If he doesn't agree then that immediately tells you all you need to know about him.

Also, why're you doing a home test? Go to a proper clinic and get it done for free. It'll probably be quicker too as many tests can give you on the spot results. You really shouldn't do these things yourself without support, on the off chance you have got something- the clinic can support and where possible treat you.

Angelf1sh · 17/07/2017 06:01

*condoms

jeaux90 · 17/07/2017 06:50

Could you say to him that clearly it's going somewhere and you both care etc but you have both rushed into it and a good idea is if you both get tested and use condoms in the meantime. It sounds sensible and considerate. Don't beat yourself up just don't do it again x

Isetan · 17/07/2017 08:11

I don't get from your posts that you clearly understand how irresponsible you've been and your comment about 'robber bloke' being the village bike, is rich considering your current predicament.

Your current bedfellow is being equally irresponsible and he's just as likely as you are, to be spreading std's.

You both need to be tested.

user1493413286 · 17/07/2017 08:48

Don't feel bad; at least you're getting tested now. Lots of people move between partners having unprotected sex without getting tested and the new partner could just as easily have done the same thing.

Barbaro · 17/07/2017 08:52

Why aren't you using condoms at all? Even if you're pregnant you should be using condoms or you've just allowed your baby to be at risk of an STI. That should be a bigger concern rather than you passed it on to another guy, although thats not good either.

If you aren't pregnant, why on earth are you having unprotected sex with people you barely know?

yummycake123 · 17/07/2017 09:03

What's done is done, you can't change that. But hopefully from now on you'll use protection. I think it's too stressful not to; there's the risk of STIs but also unplanned pregnancies.
Why are you doing a home kit? Is there not a local sexual health clinic/family planning clinic near you? It would be less stressful as they see you and do all the tests there and then. And you can talk to someone about how you're feeling etc.

user1486956786 · 17/07/2017 09:20

Can you say you are on your period as missed pill to avoid sex in mean time?

Don't tell him until results in case it's unrelated.

What is time gap between robber and amazing guy? And what STI do you think it is you have if you don't mind me asking? Trying to determine how to break the news

user1493630944 · 17/07/2017 09:37

Please grow up and focus on your child instead of having unprotected sex with random men and risking another pregnancy and possible STD. The chance of your latest man being 'the one' are not great. Please focus on looking after yourself and your baby. Women whose self-esteem depends on having a man in tow are very vulnerable, as you have already discovered. Go to your GP for STI check and to get contraception sorted out.

Thinkingofausername1 · 17/07/2017 09:39

From an outside perspective.
It sounds like you are craving attention from men to not deal with an issue.
If I'm wrong it sounds like you are quite irresponsible. It's about protecting yourself at the end of the day. Not just from pregnancy but from std's agree with everyone about getting checked out

RockyBird · 17/07/2017 09:40

Do all the tests. With luck they'll be negative. Draw a line under it and protect yourself from now on.

If tests do show anything, get sorted then draw a line under it and protect yourself in future.

Don't beat yourself up and don't repeat old mistakes.

Good luck.

TheNaze73 · 17/07/2017 13:16

Gum clinic is a must.

Maybe some counselling after to help with your self esteem issues

Gemini69 · 17/07/2017 13:21

I agree with the other Posters... pop into you GUM clinic... amazing service quick private and very confidential....

chin up Lady... your not the first and certainly won't be the last x

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 17/07/2017 14:56

Please stop having unprotected sex with people you barely know Hmm
I agree some counselling may help with your obviously low self worth.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/07/2017 15:07

You are not ready to have another man in your life right now.
Get yourself to your local GUM / Shaw clinic and get checked out properly.
Blood tests the lot!
It's all free and anonymous.

Please work on yourself, your self-esteem and look after your baby before getting involved with anyone else.
A call to Womens Aid to enrole on their Freedom Programme / Project would be another smart move!

Redsippycup · 17/07/2017 15:12

I don't understand why you aren't using condoms?!

Gazelda · 17/07/2017 15:13

A GUM clinic will be completely non-judgmental. Will do all of the tests more efficiently and accurately than a home kit. They will offer you counselling and support. They will encourage you to use condoms. Please take a step back, gather your thoughts, and stop having unprotected sex

Original poster
missmelly1311 · 17/07/2017 16:21

Just to clear some things up..

  1. I'm not pregnant
  2. I have the mirena coil
  3. I think it could be chlamydia maybe?
  4. I haven't got low self esteem! I just messed up while trying to 'enjoy' life!
  5. My child has nothing to do with this so everyone can just leave him out of it!
  6. I didn't go to a clinic because I didn't want to take my child to a clinic with me, and it was quicker to do a home test
  7. They aren't random men, known them since I was about 13, I'm now 21.

I realised I made a mistake, like I say I've never been in this situation.

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 17/07/2017 16:34

If you have great self- esteem, why are you having unprotected sex with men you hardly know? You need to do better self-care

0ccamsRazor · 17/07/2017 16:41

One word Op, condoms

You can get them free from family planning clinic.

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