Single, tired, fed up, overweight mum who has completely lost her mojo! Can someone PLEASE kick my butt!

[user1496589862]

I am exhausted most of the time but I know I am doing myself no favours. I don't have anyone to chat to so was hoping to chat on here.
I wont bore you with my life's history but.....
I am single (7years), 3dc's and a busy work load. I am over weight (about 3 stone). I drink far too much wine (4 bottles a week). I am a member of a gym which I don't use as I am always too tired and basically just don't want to go.
I have overcome so many hurdles over the years and know I have come so far since my exH left. Its like I don't have any energy to be strong anymore. My dc's are the most important people in my life and when I am with them I am super happy, super organised, making sure they're super happy. They have always kept me focused on building our new lives. They're getting older and doing their own thing now. I put on this front to others that I am ok. I do everything I am supposed to do to keep everyone happy but secretly I am lonely. I am overweight. I drink too much. I have dated but I never seem to make it past date 2. I wonder if its my appearance that puts them off, not sure. I know this is going to sound silly but I wont go out with friends because they all look so lovely and I don't feel nice. They take photos and put them over facebook and I don't want people to see me.
I know what I should be doing but just cant find it in me to change....

You sound completely overwhelmed, you poor thing. Do you do anything at all to spoil or take care of yourself?

You've listed several issues - weight, alcohol, loneliness. If you had to pick just one, which is preying on your mind the most?

Hello, thankyou for your message :)
The thing is they're all related, its like a viscous circle. I feel I drink wine because I am lonely. I am lonely because I do not have a great network of friends and do not want to date because I feel I have lost confidence. I am overweight because I drink too much and don't exactly eat well as I am busy. Then I am tired so don't want to exercise. I know its my doing but cant find a way out.

Perhaps start with the alcohol, then. Could you set yourself a goal to cut down? You've got a lot on your plate, don't try to solve every issue at once.

I was here. The first thing to do is knock the wine on the head apart from maybe one night a week. That alone will give you more energy, put you in a better frame of mind and help with the weight. Having more energy might get you to the gym but if not maybe take up walking to get out of the house and it clears the mind and gives you head space. The weather is nice enough. Or cycling. One thing at a time. Actually waking up without the inevitable wine hangover is a good feeling in itself and can be quite addictive. You can do this

Thanks for the messages :)
Yes, I think so too but feel I cant do it. I have all good intentions in doing it but the weeks are so long and its like if I have wine it kinda numbs the loneliness. I know its wrong and I know its only me that can do it.
Did you find it hard? I cant believe how hard it is to stop.

I stopped by accident really. I didn't have any wine in and couldn't be bothered to go to shop so had an early night. Next morning I felt energised like I hadn't for ages. It was that really. I do still drink but only on a Friday or Saturday. I lost 3 stone over a year just from this and eating a bit healthier

Thats really good, well done!
I have purposely not bought any today.

That's good. Watch a film or read a book. You probably won't sleep all that well tonight but do the same again tomorrow and you'll start to feel it.

Thankyou IPI974 :) I am going to try!

👏🏻👏🏻😊 you can do this

I think sometimes finding the motivation to get started can be about making a clean break between the past and the future - this is why New Year's Resolutions can be so effective - because it's a new year and there is a clean line.

If you are able to do it (and I appreciate that you may not be either due to child care responsiblities, time or money) what about booking some kind of detox/healthy/bootcamp type weekend away to get you started?

Thanks Ebaygum :) To be honest I have never even thought about it but a great idea. Money would definitely be an issue. I think if I was in the right frame of mind I could do it myself. Just cant ever seem to find that frame. It feels so hard! I think you are right though its the thought of starting and actually doing it. Its my own fault for not having the willpower!

Why don't you cancel the gym? You don't go anyway and possibly feel guilty about that. Put the money towards something nice for yourself or a fitbit. Decide that before having a drink in the evening you will do 10/20/30 minutes of exercise, from a dvd or YouTube.

Posted too soon. You might find that after a little exercise you feel more inspired not to drink.

Thanks SiomonsPies :) I should, shouldn't I?! I suppose I always have it in the back of my mind that I will go. I don't have dvd's but I could look on youtube.

Hi there can I suggest the couch to 5k podcast?
Is a gentle walking jogging then running when you feel to it.
Good luck with whatever you chose to start, writing it all down and posting was just the start x

Thankyou PinkFluffiUnicorn :) It really is a start because today I feel the worst I have ever felt. I needed to talk to someone. I have started to Google! Thankyou I was just looking at park runs so I can take my dc's. I worry about running. There are so many negative comments on how it effects your joints with age etc. I will have a little look. I wonder if my dc's would be up for that too?! They will probably have a little moan but my middle dd is carrying extra weight so it could be good for her too!

The thing is they're all related, its like a viscous circle. I feel I drink wine because I am lonely. I am lonely because I do not have a great network of friends and do not want to date because I feel I have lost confidence. I am overweight because I drink too much and don't exactly eat well as I am busy. Then I am tired so don't want to exercise. I know its my doing but cant find a way out.

This is completely me I could have written this myself. I'm stuck in a terrible rut that stopping me moving on with things in my life. Do you want a buddy OP to cut down on the drinking and motivating each other? Or there's probably another thread we should join

Hi kissingaprince :) thanks for the message. Really? I guess there are people out there that are struggling like us and not knowing which way to turn. If I can help you and vice versa then we could at least try OP?
Is it just the drinking or is it the weight and lack of motivation to exercise too?

Have you thought about practising mindfulness it's not too woo honestly. I started when I was going through had been for a long time actually a lot of stuff in my life and was feeling overwhelmed, comfort eating and watching mindless TV programmes was my way of blocking stuff out, I don't drink but if I did I would probably have used that as an escape as well. I just wanted relief from constant negative thoughts, family and relationship challenges and anxieties. It really helped me, it's free, you can do it yourself or in a class. Info is freely available on line or you could get a book from a library.

Thankyou Itmustbemyage :) I have heard of it but never practised it. I think you can download an app aswell cant you? Can I ask....did it help you stop comfort eating?

Are you in any hormonal birth control. There has been a wonderful change in my overall feelings, mood, sense of self etc since I had my Mirena Coil out. I used to feel a lot like you described.

I also started couch to 5k Ap - halfway through and loving it. I'm quite overweight. I jog slowly

Thanks Boris :) No, Im not. Its my crazy busy life that is caused me to lose my mojo. Thats good. I have downloaded it only just. I'm trying so hard to take on everyone's advice, really appreciate it. Just need the will power to go along with it!

I've flipped the switch on over eating. It's connected to emotional, historical, low self esteem, and family issues. I don't think there is a cure. I've looked lots though.

So rather than restricting my diet along negative/removal/limiting lines, a few months ago I decided to focus on eating 10 fruit and vege a day. It's totally changed my diet for the better. And no restrictions. I can eat anything I want with the 10 f&v and I do. So I don't feel deprived or anxious by food. But by the time I've eaten those there isn't too much room for other stuff. I only hit 10 about 5 days a week - that's fine with me. I'm slowly using weight. Slow is perfect. I want this to be a permanent way of eating not a weight loss "diet".

Exactly the same for me too. Up until a few months ago I would not of put the 2 together but I am studying and it is a form of self harm. I am nowhere as bad as I once was in my early years. I would eat to fill the emotional pain, to feel comfort in something. I knew it was unhealthy, making me fat but I didnt care about me. I do now care about me. I am a mum and I need to be there for my dc's. This is the reason for my post today.

You are doing amazing. I think you are right in making small changes and it is clearly working for you, so well done :)