Single, tired, fed up, overweight mum who has completely lost her mojo! Can someone PLEASE kick my butt!

[user1496589862]

I am exhausted most of the time but I know I am doing myself no favours. I don't have anyone to chat to so was hoping to chat on here.
I wont bore you with my life's history but.....
I am single (7years), 3dc's and a busy work load. I am over weight (about 3 stone). I drink far too much wine (4 bottles a week). I am a member of a gym which I don't use as I am always too tired and basically just don't want to go.
I have overcome so many hurdles over the years and know I have come so far since my exH left. Its like I don't have any energy to be strong anymore. My dc's are the most important people in my life and when I am with them I am super happy, super organised, making sure they're super happy. They have always kept me focused on building our new lives. They're getting older and doing their own thing now. I put on this front to others that I am ok. I do everything I am supposed to do to keep everyone happy but secretly I am lonely. I am overweight. I drink too much. I have dated but I never seem to make it past date 2. I wonder if its my appearance that puts them off, not sure. I know this is going to sound silly but I wont go out with friends because they all look so lovely and I don't feel nice. They take photos and put them over facebook and I don't want people to see me.
I know what I should be doing but just cant find it in me to change....

No, OP. I won't give you a kick up the bum. I don't think that's what you need. What I do think you need is lots of TLC. Be kinder and gentler to yourself, stop trying to be all things to everyone (I'm talking to myself here too ).

I don't mean TLC with food, drink, wine etc, I mean treats that you enjoy - a new book, a walk in the park, a lunch with friends... Believe me, I know what it's like to be a single mum of 3. It's relentless. So can you perhaps write a list of things you want to do for you within the next 6 months?

Park Run is an excellent idea. You can start with walking and work up. Encourage the DCs too. Maybe take lessons on a musical instrument, join a book club, etc etc.

When you are happier and stronger within yourself you will find the strength to eat more healthily and drink less (though I don't think half a bottle a night is worth worrying about tbh).

Hi user I suffer with depression and anxiety and I'm really not helping myself at the moment by drinking everyday. It's only one or two glasses to treat my self numb the pain of boredom and loneliness and debt but afterwards I feel even more rubbish and lack the drive to see through plans that I have.
I've recently begun to put on weight making me even more sluggish and too tired to get to the gym. I need to break the cycle

Thankyou TwitterQueen 1 :) Yes, I should be kinder to myself, you're right! I think I need a plan, a future plan. I feel I know what I should change, is just actually changing it. Im going to try and wake up tomorrow with some positivity!
Kissingaprince - its a tough circle to control isnt it? I honestly understand the numbing the loneliness part. I feel I do that too and I annoy myself because I know its making the situation worse. I seriously need to find some kind of control here! Find something to take away the lonely but I know its very hard to do. Im thinking about the couch to 5k app. Or even walking! I do need to try and stop drinking so much. Then I may be able to tackle my weight. Im hoping I wont feel so low then.

Hi OP mindfulness encourages you to do things mindfully and to be totally in the present , basically you can do anything mindfully. So for over eating for example you should not sit watching TV shovelling stuff in your face without actually tasting it (which I used to do a lot). You should focus on tasting each mouthful feeling the texture of the food, it's flavour and really enjoying it and most importantly stopping when you have had enough. I found it naturally limited the amount that I ate and I ate smaller amounts of better quality food. It also encouraged me to cook more from scratch as it felt like I was taking better care of myself by "treating" myself to good healthy meals.

Hi OP mindfulness encourages you to do things mindfully and to be totally in the present , basically you can do anything mindfully. So for over eating for example you should not sit watching TV shovelling stuff in your face without actually tasting it (which I used to do a lot). You should focus on tasting each mouthful feeling the texture of the food, it's flavour and really enjoying it and most importantly stopping when you have had enough. I found it naturally limited the amount that I ate and I ate smaller amounts of better quality food. It also encouraged me to cook more from scratch as it felt like I was taking better care of myself by "treating" myself to good healthy meals.

Sorry about the double posting phone being a pain.

Thankyou Itmustbemyage :) that sounds like a good idea. I should make more time to cook, its just difficult. Its definitely something important I should be thinking of doing though.

I could have written this. Have decided to use the 6 weeks holidays to sort my life out and get my mojo back.

Good luck!!

How did you get on last night / today OP?

Could have written your post myself. It's a downward spiral with the booze. I feel so much better off it completely. But it's so insidious and a quick fix when one is in the "poor me" state of mind :(.

Yoga really helps me. I go to a class about twice a week. It feels nurturing in a healthy kinds way. My yoga teacher talks about filtering off the bad and topping up with the good. This helps me cos I can be so all or nothing about things.

Gonna try the 10 F&V thing to get my food in check as a PP has suggested.

operaha - I am thinking exactly the same! Kids are off, sun shines and I will just want to be naughty! So I am going to try too!
Hi IPI974 - Thanks for asking :) I am going to be completely honest here....Sunday was fine. Monday I had a day off and was busy in the garden and kids were out playing so I decided that I would buy a bottle and only have a glass, but that didnt happen. I drank the bottle. I felt guilty but thought Im not going to beat myself up. Lets try again. So I googled lots of self help and today is a new day. I feel anxious because I would love to be able to pour myself a glass of wine now as I am on my own but Im not.
Tillymintsmama - how did you stop? Its not like I wake up in the morning craving it but its completely taken over my life, somehow. Im tired = wine. Im happy =wine. Im stressed = wine. Its friday =wine. Its sunny = wine..... Yes that is a great idea. I have started but only managed 3 today but its small changes I think....

You did great on Sunday and you're doing great tonight. I completely agree not to beat yourself up over yesterday. One day at a time. Keep going.

Thankyou IPI974 :)

Whereabouts in the country are you? Is there a way of you meeting some new people? I'd happily meet up if near enough. PM me if you'd rather xx

Hello, I admit I haven't read the whole thread but I did see someone else recommended Couch 2 to 5k and I think it's a great idea. Something to focus on in small manageable steps that gets bigger. Doing that alone will help you reduce wine intake, increase energy, etc. Aim for a ParkRun or a 5k to keep you motivated. Other benefits will follow...

Tillymintsmama thankyou, thats really kind. Im South Wales. I have actually downloaded meetup on my phone but have absolutely no courage to do that. I will get an alert every now and then but just cant bring myself to go alone to highlight Im alone. I know its silly and I hate the thought of anyone being alone so think its absolutely great but cant do it myself.
I have been to the doctor for bloods and my iron is low so Im thinking this is why I have been feeling so tired.
Yes, C25k looks good. I have started to walk with my dc's. Thats a chore in itself as they dont want to. Hoping to find some scenic routes over the summer. Then Im hoping they will do the park runs with me. Looking for 2nd hand bikes too. Cant seem to find any at the moment for us. That is something Im hoping to be able to do over the next few weeks.
Thankyou for messaging, it means alot.