Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So, dh doesn't care if I get my kit off online

33 replies

Jellybellyqueen · 14/07/2017 10:22

Related to the reddit thread going on. Asked DP what he would think if I posted a boob shot or similar to reddit gonewild, first response was "I don't know, do it and I'll tell you." Yeah, right. This then changed to 'i wouldn't be that worried. ' and something that basically sounded like he couldn't give a toss. Although when I said it sounded like he didn't care what I did he then upped it to 'Iwouldn't like it much,' but wouldn't elaborate. It left me feeling oddly like he doesn't really give a shit about me. I'm no pretty,skinny, spring chicken, don't imagine I'd get any positive comments, so it's not like he'd enjoy other people upvoting my pic. Does he think it would be funny for me to see crap comments about my body? How would you read this? And how would your dh react?

OP posts:
HorridHenryrule · 14/07/2017 10:27

You're a cougar my darling their are plenty of men who like cuddly older women. I have read that men across the world would pay a fat woman to sit on them. Its weird but it turns them on.

Extua · 14/07/2017 10:28

My dh wouldn't care. He'd see it as my body so my choice as to whether I wanted to post pictures. I doubt I'd get a positive respons given my weird swollen 3 weeks post section tummy and veiny bf boobs Wink but I think he'd like it if people liked it.

Why do you mind that he doesn't mind?

Adora10 · 14/07/2017 10:31

These threads have not an ounce of class, really uploading your tits on a website, just no.

Ellisandra · 14/07/2017 10:32

Are you actively looking to create trouble between you? Confused

His first response sounds like he wasn't taking you seriously - which is fair enough.

His second sounds like he still wasn't taking you seriously and didn't want to answer a loaded question anyway - or was teasing you, joining in with a silly idea, or even thinking about it and trying not to sound like he was controlling (cf loaded question!)

Third answer sounds like his real opinion but overlaid with a big dose of WTF?, confusion, and worry about wrong answers.

Original poster
Jellybellyqueen · 14/07/2017 10:35

Haha, agree adora, it's something I hate him looking at. Hence partly the reason I'm a bit Hmm he wouldn't care. Or does he think I would see it as less tasteless if he said he wouldn't care if I was on there. As a sort of acceptance of him looking? Confused.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 14/07/2017 10:35

My fiancé would think I was joking. Then he'd say I was hot and I'd blow up the internet (I'm not, but he loves me - though there'd be a dose of tongue in cheek in that)
Then he's suss out if I was serious and I expect if I said yes, he'd ask me why, and listen. He's good at listening. He'd probably suggest I think about it coming back to bite me. I also think he'd be unhappy about it - because he thinks judging yourself by other people's comments is ridiculous and unhealthy.

ravenmum · 14/07/2017 10:38

Maybe he is worried that if he says he wouldn't like it, you'll accuse him of being controlling.

Adora10 · 14/07/2017 10:42

I don't think he really believes you would OP therefore his answers are tongue in cheek really, I'd not bother yourself with it anymore, find something worth worrying about if you must but this is not it.

Lanaa · 14/07/2017 10:42

Why did you ask him that? Are you looking to create drama? Your husband is probably giving vague non committal answers because he can recognise foolish immaturity and doesn't want to get drawn into it.

Doing all that then posting about it on here just screams that you're spoiling for a fight/attention seeking.

StormTreader · 14/07/2017 10:43

What would have been an acceptable answer for him to give you? This feels a bit like youve laid a trap here.

Original poster
Jellybellyqueen · 14/07/2017 10:45

Thx horridhenryGrin
ellisandra Maybe he was trying to be funny, but we've just been disagreeing about his use of porn and gonewild in particular, so I don't think he'd be trying think I was serious. I think I was just looking for some indication that he would care if I was putting myself out there for the attention of other men. His behaviour has historically been more 'loose' towards getting involved with /looking at other women, and I did wonder if this was some twisted way to show me I'm being too controlling over his behaviour and I should just let him do what he wants. Or something like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybellyqueen · 14/07/2017 10:49

lanaa Yeah, attention seeking from a bunch of strangers on the internet?!? I'm really trying to understand his views in relation to our recent conversations, and I don't have anyone irl to discuss it with. It's not a loaded question or a trap, I genuinely do try to understand him, but he is (and always has been) a bit secretive about his views of certain things.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/07/2017 10:50

It sounds like you're just testing him really and he's trying to placate you with his answers and being non committal.
I think you both know you're not going to do it Confused
I think you're reading the wrong things in what he's said. He hasn't said he thinks you'd get negative comments or criticised your body, that's your insecurity talking.

You're trying to play devil's advocate.

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/07/2017 10:52

Mine wouldn't care either. He knows it's my body and not his.

Up to me what I do with it and where I display it.

ravenmum · 14/07/2017 10:55

It's not a loaded question or a trap
"How would you feel if I displayed my naked body online" is not a loaded question? rofl

MyheartbelongstoG · 14/07/2017 10:56

Have to say I also read your op like you were causing trouble for yourself.

Why is this even a thread. Pointless.

HurtleTheTurtle · 14/07/2017 11:02

Currently another thread going on where the woman is annoyed because her husband was angered by the fact she had posted a boob shot online (on one of the sites he had been trawling through).

I don't think there's any right or wrong way men can react to this - either way, if they agree with it, or if they don't agree with it, it has potential to upset their partners.

One of those questions that is best not asked.

OnionKnight · 14/07/2017 11:03

OP it was a loaded question, he couldn't answer it without you getting annoyed either way.

Up to me what I do with it and where I display it.

Would you care if he uploaded dick pics then? Hmm

I know it's your body but unless your partner agrees to it I'd find it disrespectful, I know my wife wouldn't want me uploading pictures of my naked body (not that I would Grin

Original poster
Jellybellyqueen · 14/07/2017 11:03

Fair enough Smile I think I have been viewing it through the lens of our recent conversations about his lies and porn use. Thanks for the comments that made me think again before pursuing a more detailed answer. I'll leave it Smile
But really myheart. It's a thread because I wanted other opinions on something, isn't that the way a forum works?! Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybellyqueen · 14/07/2017 11:04

Up to me what I do with it and where I display it.
I didn't say that, onion.

OP posts:
GwenStaceyRocks · 14/07/2017 11:06

It's either a loaded question or a roundabout way of raising another issue eg him looking at pics online. If you're concerned about the latter, just have that conversation instead of all this whataboutery.

OnionKnight · 14/07/2017 11:07

I didn't say that, onion.

I know you didn't, I wasn't asking you Hmm

WhenWasThat · 14/07/2017 11:09

I think he was destined to fail however he answered. I don't get the motivation for asking him?

Butterymuffin · 14/07/2017 11:10

Seems like the issue is more him looking at this kind of thing. How is the relationship in general?

Original poster
Jellybellyqueen · 14/07/2017 11:15

Gwen already had that argument conversation. Wouldn't be such an issue if porn watching didn't lead to lying about it, but it's been resolved. Nothing else of note to worry about buttery.
Sorry onion, my mistake. Sarcastic eyeroll/raised eyebrow right back at you Hmm

OP posts: