In love with 2 men.. kind of

[BassMama]

So..

for those who know me you will probably be getting bored of my fast-paced love life - I know its a different story every bloody week! so sorry..

Anyway - basically, i'll explain..

I was seeing a guy a for a couple of months last year. Nothing serious.. could have become serious, but for lots of reasons, wasn't.

I have recently slept with him a few times again, and i am clearly still in love with him, even though we are really really good friends now.. i know he has feelings for me too.

I have also recently started seeing a new man.. his best friend. He seems fine with it (like i said we are just good friends now) but i cant stop thinking about OldMan when with NewMan. But i do really like NewMan. But I compare newMan to OldMan and I clearly like OldMan better, but I cant have OldMan and I can have NewMan..

Does anyone want to give me some advice/reassurance/ideas?

Really i am just needing to vent.. I cant really talk to RL people about this as we are a 'group' of friends and so they all know each other etc etc...

he sounds a bit naughty!!

Flirting with his friends wife? hmm..

I think i shall pass!

Any other MNers got spare single men friends they would like to offer me?!

Requirements:
-Extremely good looking and sexy
-Rich
-Between 27 and 40
-No kids, no ex wifes
-Into music, partying and clubbing
-Preferably into babysitting

Anyone?

Am i asking too much?!

Yes! Far too much! lol

he has always been naughty. i told him off and hung up lol!

just realised.. NewMan AND OldMan fit into all those categories..

hmm..

you see, apart from the terrible flirting with me, he wold've been perfect. (maybe i should;ve married him myself lol)

although neither are particularly 'rich' and neither have ever offered to babysit!

hang on misdee ' does 'NotherMan fit into ALL those categories too?!

yes!

He's mine!

Great! now i got a NewNewMan!!

lol, i'll let him know. i think he is still sulking with me though lol.

Brilliant!

You are all, of course, invited to our wedding.

I agree with everyone else - if you're wavering between two blokes, then neither of them is the right one. Ages ago, I dated the same two blokes for about a year (being honest to them both). Well, I did prefer one, but he was too broken to be a good choice really. Eventually I met DH and dumped both of them.

Not wanting to put a dampner on this (very funny!) thread but I don't really think you are "in love ... sort of..." with either of these guys. Love is something miles away from what you are describing. This is more of a 'who should I date/sleep with'

Agree with others though .. lucky you to have a choice

BassMama,

Neither man is any good for you.

I think you need to take a good and hard long look at yourself to try and work out why you need all this fast paced love life drama and attendant highs/lows all the time. Some emotional need is being fulfilled here or so you think but it is not.

I see you wrote your list of "requirements" as well but seriously where's honest as the day is long, not controlling, completely trustworthy and Not a Commitment Phobe in your list?. Do you not at heart feel you deserve those qualities from a man as well?.
Why were these not listed?. Expand your horizons a bit!!!.

It sounds to me like you are afraid of commitment and intimacy that goes with a healthy relationship and are thus attracted to men who are fundamentally no good for you at all.

bassmama, you want oldman cos you can't have him.

shag him while looking for nouveauhomme. newman is no good as friends with oldman.

OxoCube - I know i am not 'in love' - hence the 'sort of' part!! Just used it as a phrase..

AtillaTheMeercat:

I don't need all the drama and fast paced love life action, its just that i enjoy it! I get a lot of male attention and rathern than hide away and shun it, I choose to embrace it!

The requrements list was a joke, and if you read the thread properly its pretty obvious. CLEARLY those are not my real requirements in a man, FFS I am not an idiot!

Your comment about being afraid of commitment and intamacy is ridiculous!! I have had many healthy, long relationships, and certainly have no problem with commitment or intimacy.. boredom maybe! There are so many men in the world..!

These men are both 'good' men! Though I am attracted to 'bad boys', this does not mean they are not good for me! Put it this way, I guess i'm not exactly described as the 'ideal housewife type woman'! Does this mean I am 'bad' for the men who are attracted to me?!

I dont think so!

So does this mean that 'NotherMan is off the agenda because of NouveauHomme?

"I don't need all the drama and fast paced love life action, its just that i enjoy it! I get a lot of male attention and rathern than hide away and shun it, I choose to embrace it!"

Hmmm still think you're kidding yourself. You still deserve better.

"The requrements list was a joke, and if you read the thread properly its pretty obvious. CLEARLY those are not my real requirements in a man, FFS I am not an idiot!".

I fully realise that but you never listed those qualities either.

"Your comment about being afraid of commitment and intamacy is ridiculous!! I have had many healthy, long relationships, and certainly have no problem with commitment or intimacy.. boredom maybe! There are so many men in the world..!"

Why do you get bored seemingly so easily?.
Oh dear so many men so little time. You sound like you're 15 again.

"These men are both 'good' men! Though I am attracted to 'bad boys', this does not mean they are not good for me! Put it this way, I guess i'm not exactly described as the 'ideal housewife type woman'! Does this mean I am 'bad' for the men who are attracted to me?!"

No you're not but you still sell yourself short. Bad boys are just that - bad. You want excitement eh - well they'll give you that certainly but nothing else ultimately. Do you think you can somehow change their ways by you showing them love and affection?. You cannot change someone who at heart does not want to alter their behaviours. This is why I say you are kidding yourself. You are also selling yourself wayyyyy short if you think they are somehow all you deserve.

Some of the best husbands I know are 'bad boys', they can settle down too you know?!

Its just a preference, men who fit the general 'ideal man' type image, really dont do anything for me. I am a musician, and kind of live the 'sex,drugs, and rock 'n roll', lifestyle, and I like men who have similar interests. I dont think this means I am selling myself short?

For the record, I have never (knowingly!) been cheated on. 'Bad boys' aren't always that bad! God its not like I am looking for criminals or junkies to date!

My XP, DS father, when we met, was a 'bad boy'. As soon as we found out I was pregnant, he settles RIGHT down, stopped the partying completely (in fact only had one night out while I was pregnant, HUGE deal for someone who literally went out every single night!!), started working really hard, and now, 3 years later, has an excellent job, owns his own house and barely parties, maybe once a month. He is completely devoted to his son, and would rather spend time with him than go out. Couldn't ask for a better father.

So.. theres proof that 'bad boys' aren't bad people!!

MarsLady -

You can have 'NotherMan, i'll take NouveauHomme! Lets double date!!