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Relationships

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Original poster

Who had children later in life...

82 replies

Willing2acceptAdvice · 13/07/2017 19:18

Hi all,

I have a few worries about having children later in life.

Can you please all share your stories. Anyone here had children post 34/35? Do you have a partner who was 35 plus and had children with him?

How old were you when you met your partner? How old were you when you had your children?

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

RiverTam · 13/07/2017 22:22

Pearly see, I actually don't think that's very fair on the child, to be such a 'old' mother. When their child is in their 20s and should be footloose and fancy free, or in their 30s focussing on their career or starting their own family, they may well be dealing with an ageing parent with all the health worries etc that can entail. I actually think that's quite selfish.

RiverTam · 13/07/2017 22:23

Sorry, I should say I think the same about a father, too.

PickAChew · 13/07/2017 22:27

I always wanted them early 30's but I've had some bad luck and my currently relationship isn't going as well as I would have liked x

Did you say you're male? If so there is no biological clock for you. It's not like you're facing menopause in as little as 5 years - you could still be virile and fertile in another 34 years.

What you want to avoid is having kids in a relationship that is not going wel because those kids tie you to that person for another couple of decades, at least and they get ot enjoy the fallout from your shite relationship. I had a 10 year marriage before DH, but avoided kids because I didn't want him to be a father to my children.

PickAChew · 13/07/2017 22:30

River, having a parent in their 70s when you're in your 20s is surely no more traumatic and limiting then when you're in your 40s or 50s (and less fit, and strong, quite possibly than your 20 something self, as well as having more commitments)

Moggie45 · 13/07/2017 22:33

We met when I was 35, married at 38, DS at 39 and DD at 40 - nearly 41.

Fightthebear · 13/07/2017 22:34

Ah, I see op. Sorry your relationship is tricky.

Round my neck of the woods you wouldn't be considered an older parent until your 40s.

But I don't think that's the main point here. Sticking with a partner in a relationship which isn't working because you are worried about your biological clock (albeit a male one) is a really risky strategy. Once you've had a baby you're bound to the other parent for life. There's endless potential to argue about residence/money/contact/parenting/schools etc

My view would be to decide whether the relationship can work and if not be brave and cut your losses. If you're in your 30s you have plenty of time to meet someone else.

toledanosunshie · 13/07/2017 22:42

Had my youngest at 36, DH was 38, I never considered it old

Longdistance · 13/07/2017 22:42

I had my 1st at 33, 2nd at 35 nearly 36.

I've just had a friend have a baby at 39 🤷🏼‍♀️

beekeeper17 · 13/07/2017 22:46

Met when we were both 32, married at 35, first baby at 36 and second baby due when I'll be 37!

BertrandRussell · 13/07/2017 22:46

I met my partner when he was 18 and I was 19. We had our first child when I was 37, our second when I was 42.

PearlyG8 · 13/07/2017 22:48

No, it'll be fine River. There are plenty of people unselfishly having children in their twenties who will never cause their offspring a moment's worry (what with being footloose and all).

The last DC of the parent going strong in their late 80s has a family and stellar career despite other parent sadly dying of cancer in 40s. Do you actually know anyone in the situation you fear? Or is it like that fear of immigrants taking all the jobs in some areas where there are practically no immigrants.

tigercub50 · 13/07/2017 22:52

I met DH when I was 35 & we married just over a year later. He's 2 years older. Sadly we couldn't have children but eventually adopted when I was 43. DD was 8 months when we brought her home & the absolute light of our lives. I am very young in my outlook & attitude anyway but having a child at this age definitely keeps me on my toes. DH & I do get tired & parenthood can be incredibly challenging but we couldn't imagine being childless.

DoubleR · 13/07/2017 22:58

38 and 42, and DH is 6 years older than me. No age issues at all, DC keep you young

Kittenswithattitudeandchickens · 13/07/2017 23:00

Had ds and dd at 19 and 22. Ds 2 when 36.

Bumplovin · 13/07/2017 23:02

What are your worries specifically? I was 35 when I had my daughter my husband was 45 she's 7 months and the best thing to have ever happened to us we've actually found parenting not as hard as we expected with us being older I think and heads screwed on

Desmondo2016 · 13/07/2017 23:04

I'm 40 in a few weeks and dh is 46 and we have a baby. I also have adult children. It's fab!

Bumplovin · 13/07/2017 23:05

Our friends got married around same time as us her husband has just become a dad at 50 he's loving it honestly try not to worry 35 isn't old

sleepyhead · 13/07/2017 23:05

Dh & I were 34 when ds1 was born. We were 40 when ds2 came along.

Not much to say really. I've never felt like an older parent with ds1 - totally bog standard age around here for a first child.

With ds2 obviously I am older than a lot of mums with a four year old, but meh I'd rather be an older mum than not have him at all.

MsJuniper · 13/07/2017 23:10

Met DH when I was 21 & he was 20. Married at 26 but didn't start ttc until 33. Had 1 DS when age 36 and 6 mc since. Now 41 and still trying.

Most people I've met in parents' groups have been mid-30s+ but few haven't had issues ttc. 35+ is not old but it is old-er. I'd advise anyone not to hang around, based on my own history.

MarklahMarklah · 13/07/2017 23:10

Met at 24 (he was 20), married at 27. Had DD at 42. We don't have any other children.

Unfortunately neither of my parents are still alive, but DH's are, and we get on well, so she gets plenty of quality GP time.

sleepyhead · 13/07/2017 23:11

Dh & I got together aged 26 btw.

Lots of older dads around here so dh is definitely not considered an outlier having a 4 yr old aged 45.

scoobydoo1971 · 13/07/2017 23:54

At 30, I was told I could not have children naturally. At 35 I decided I wasn't accepting medical advice and my bouncing 9 year old son is the end result of that. I also had a daughter at 40. Feel blessed as these are 'miracle' babies due to my medical history, and a few miscarriages in between which have been disappointing. Pregnancy has caused me a lot of subsequent health problems that I would not have otherwise incurred. Would I turn back the clock and make another choice? Not a chance in hell, kids are wonderful and life changing.

My OH is younger than me. As an older mother, I think there can be a difference in the energy levels available to toddlers. However, older parents are sometimes more financially stable and worldly wise so that is a plus side as children mature. I would have another tomorrow if I had the choice, but I would also consider adoption when my two kids are older.

Machine1234 · 14/07/2017 00:33

Met DH at 27 (he was 30) married at 29, had first dc at 34, second dc at 38.

I don't think I'm physically much different to when I was in my 20s. I'm managing to run around after two active boys who never sleep/nap. I feel I'm more patient in my late 30s than I was in my 20s which, for me, is an upside to having children later in life.

DH and I are also financially a bit better off than we were in our 20s and we've decided on private schooling for the kids.

The only downside for us is that our own parents are in their mid 70s and not as mobile as they used to be so the boys get bored at sleepovers with the grandparents 😬

SparklyMagpie · 14/07/2017 10:51

OP give it up!

I explained this to you when you last messaged me

You are not going to get any different advice posting this a trillion times

Lemonylemon · 14/07/2017 11:15

I had DS four days after my 34th birthday and DD when I was 44.5.

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