Reaching the end of my teather- is it me or is it him?

[Purplelipgloss]

I am six months pregnant and I just can't understand my partners behaviour towards me ATM. I can't understand why he isn't stopping himself from arguing with me knowing that I'm 6 months pregnant and more depressed than I am happy.
I have to use so much energy every single day to keep my spirits up because this is my first child and I'm anxious about it, work is stressful (I have my own business so I can't escape it) and I have to battle with Multiple Sclerosis at the same time- on top of house renovations, family stresses - Just feel like I'm getting it from all directions. Sorry for going on a tagent.

Yesterday evening we had had a lovely meal and we were absolutely fine, I told him how much I'd missed him in the daytime and we were really close. Out of absolutely nowhere he just flipped at me. He was watching a programme that I wasn't interested in, we had been joking about it or I had and then he burst out laughing whilst watching it, I was watching it too (didn't have much choice) and I let out a little sarcastic laugh kind of imitating him in a way I know that was very immature and pointless but I think I was just bored and didn't think that the programme was funny at all.

Anyway he immediately paused it and turned on me, aggressively shouted at me and asked me why I didn't think that it was funny which was of no use because he didn't like my answer and then kept on saying that I'd proved his point. He actually even made me re-watch that part of the programme and asked me to explain to him the reason why it was supposed to be funny.

This all sounds so ridiculous, I realise. However, the thing that I'm worried about the most is how he turned on me and the aggressive manner. It was as though I was on a stand and he was questioning me. He barely let me speak for myself and when I did he was twisting what I was saying and using it against me. I didn't understand his reaction one bit, I was being very silly and annoying yes but I don't think it warranted that outburst. We still aren't talking and I feel like he either hates me or that he needs help, which one I don't know?! I just know that I can't and shouldn't have to put up with this type of behaviour being six months pregnant.

Sorry for the really long post but an outsiders opinion would be nice because I really am at a loss.

Really shocked by some of the replies. He sounds awful OP.

You laughed at him/something he was watching, is that right?
And his response is to shout and be little you.
The making you rewatch it and say why it wasn't funny, gives me a really funny feeling. I can't describe it, but it just feels wrong.

Oh and I've laughed at my boyfriends ridiculous response to some of the things he watches Op.
He's never got angry about it. Just like I don't get angry when he laughs at some of the stuff I like. We just have a bit of a joke about it.

That's exactly all it was Shan - just immature gentle mocking behaviour that I assumed most people tend to laugh off or roll their eyes at.

I can Italian and thank you for your support because as I said, my pregnancy hormones are making me feel more 'down' than they are 'up' and I've also told him this to which at the time he told me that he will be as supportive as he can. And trust me that I have been so so patient with him lately I.e. When the other day a Bailiff showed up at my house ready to reposses his car because he's missed three payments for it and just responded that he had the money, he 'just didn't have time to pay it.' I could have so flown off the handle about that but I didn't.

He was drinking dustbin yes and yes, he does love to argue when he's got alcohol in his system and that Is why I try to encourage him not to drink.

In truth LessIsMore I don't know. I have accepted it all of this time but I think that at times like these I expected more from him that's all.

That is most likely to happen Hack as it usually does and I do want to be with him, I really do love him but he really does hurt me when he treats me like this. It makes me feel like we are no longer working as a team. At the same time I really do need to make it very clear to him how much he upset me because I think it was OTT and perhaps next time a warning might be nice because it wasn't as though he showed me that he was irritated in any way. The way he treated me was not the way you would expect to see somebody treat the person they love it looked more like the way you would behave in a drinken brawl at a bar.

There are people on here who are not bright OP, I'm sorry you've had some uncomprehending replies on this thread.

The reason that the scene last night would have looked like emotional abuse to an observer is because it is.

It's doesn't matter if you annoyed him, his reaction was way OTT and really quite bananas.

Unfortunately he will not temper his anger just because you are pregnant. In fact, pregnancy and birth is a key flashpoint for emotional abuse.

The reason you do all the cooking and cleaning is because he believes he's entitled to a housekeeper. You will have to do all the childcare as well.

You might read a book called "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. It will give you insight into his rages.

I'd say he quite likely both hates you and needs help by the sound of it.

Do you think you could cope alone?

In fairness to the OP shes a lot more rational and acknowledging of her part than those who are hurt by proxy on here. I respect you for that OP.

You're not helping the OP Les, and you're not doing yourself any favours either.

Was the pregnancy planned op? If so, and he has form for making you feel this way, why did you plan a family with him?

My personal opinion is that you were both at fault. As I said before I would have felt humiliated if you had impersonated my laugh sarcastically. I do feel that you were trying to undermine him because you didn't want to watch what he was watching and you were, quite frankly, pissed off.

Things will only get worse after the baby is here, so if you really think his reaction was unwarranted and aggressive and it is not something you can move on from then maybe you should be thinking about where your future lies.

italian Yeah its back on - watching it on Sky Living. It's on catch up I think. It's been very very sad the last couple of weeks and I've cried a lot.

DP thinks I've gone mad! But he is sympathetic too because he knows I'm a big softy and again he's not an arsehole.

Tatiana - les is allowed her opinion. Calling other pps 'not bright' didn't show yourself in the best light.

You've been together ten years and had a birthday card twice?!

Neglectful and emotionally abusive men don't magically become present and thoughtful because their partner is bringing their child into the world. They are more likely to just carry that behaviour on with their children. It's who he is. But don't feel you have to be shackled to him because of the baby. It doesn't sound like he particularly adds anything to your life. You'll probably be a lot happier and less stressed without him.

bake, everyone is entitled to an opinion.

But what people say reveals how they feel.

It seems you think any tiny thing that could be disrespectful is a justifiable excuse for abusive behaviour. I wonder if you laughed a tiny sarcastic laugh in the presence of a partner or a friend, whether you would really feel this response was justified?

Blaming women for abusive behaviour they receive is very common. As is men picking on women when they are pregnant. As is years of dodging housework and cooking by men!

I missed the bit about the OP having MS - apologies. All the other bits - about him not having bought her a card or ever doing any cooking or cleaning were posted after I posted. I didn't feel I had enough to go on at that point to say that he is abusive. From the OP's further posts, it's clear that there is a huge amount behind this - he sounds foul.

BUT (and this is not really to do with the OP but more the outrage from some of you) - there is a massive difference between ripping the piss out of someone's appalling taste in television in a good-natured way and doing a sarcastic fake laugh when someone finds something else funny. It's not very nice behaviour - and I absolutely stand by that.

That opinion is not 'crackers', nor am I thick, thanks. I thought better of you Italian.

Jiggly I I did not say you were thick, nor do I think you are.

I said "...you view is crackers", I meant "your view is crackers".

I said it because you said "It wasn't really 'out of nowhere' was it? You mocked him for laughing at something you didn't find funny. That sounds like a really spiteful thing to do. I'd have been really fucked off with you if you'd done that to me too. It's horrible."

But the OP had said "I let out a little sarcastic laugh kind of imitating him in a way I know that was very immature and pointless... "

So the OP had already admitted it was immature, in what way could this tiny act of 'defiance' at her husband's TV choice be seen as 'a really spiteful thing to do'. Would you really "...have been really fucked off with..." someone who did this to you, if this was your life partner carrying your baby, cooking all your meals, dealing with family issues?

You are entitled to your view but I do not think what the OP did is 'horrible' I think what her supposedly 'dear' husband did was horrible.

I don't want to offend you personally, which is why I said 'your view', and not you.

We are all entitled to differ in our opinions on here.

Good post Italian - I completely agree with you.

I think some posters on here go straight into attack mode without reading the op properly.

Thanks Naicehamshop.

I've noticed the first posters to a thread can often disagree with the OP, especially on AIBU.

It sometimes sets the tone and a kind of 'mob mentality' IMHO takes over!

Until other people say different things.

It doesn't happen all the time. I've seen threads where everyone says YABU or YANBU.

But if you start looking there does seem to be a trend, or there was at least at one time. Although this is not in AIBU, it felt like it a bit!

Night night OP.

Sorry for my delayed reply everyone- my phone was playing up last night and I didn't want to mess about with it too much just in case he could see what I was doing.

I really appreciate everybody's input and I have read every single one and thought about each one thoroughly. It's very difficult to explain a situation I think when your not face to face and I understand that on paper it does look like I'm an immature brat and I was but I just feel as though his reaction was totally unnecessary and I have made my mind up about that now. His reaction was really not ok. Perhaps if I had just told him that I had cheated on him maybe he would have been justified in his reaction but not over my irritating behaviour. I wasn't personally attacking him or being malicious. I was being silly and annoying a simple 'your driving me mad now can you please stop' would have sufficed.

I am now going to keep a diary and write down every time he has an outburst because I can't be made to feel the way he treated me over and over again. It was just humiliating and I felt as though he wanted to beat me down with words which is cruel and unjustified.

Thank you so so much again particularly to those who have been so supportive of me. You really really have empowered me.

That is great news.

Please also instigate the rota now, of who will do the cooking and cleaning etc.

I am not sure what your business is but I am guessing you will continue some form of work (correct me if wrong) and will be feeding and caring for your baby (your plural) and so it would be totally unacceptable for you to continue doing all the cooking and cleaning.

My friend just did the Freedom course with Women's Aid. It may be worth asking about this before baby comes along.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Good luck.

Yes, good luck op.