Reaching the end of my teather- is it me or is it him?

[Purplelipgloss]

I am six months pregnant and I just can't understand my partners behaviour towards me ATM. I can't understand why he isn't stopping himself from arguing with me knowing that I'm 6 months pregnant and more depressed than I am happy.
I have to use so much energy every single day to keep my spirits up because this is my first child and I'm anxious about it, work is stressful (I have my own business so I can't escape it) and I have to battle with Multiple Sclerosis at the same time- on top of house renovations, family stresses - Just feel like I'm getting it from all directions. Sorry for going on a tagent.

Yesterday evening we had had a lovely meal and we were absolutely fine, I told him how much I'd missed him in the daytime and we were really close. Out of absolutely nowhere he just flipped at me. He was watching a programme that I wasn't interested in, we had been joking about it or I had and then he burst out laughing whilst watching it, I was watching it too (didn't have much choice) and I let out a little sarcastic laugh kind of imitating him in a way I know that was very immature and pointless but I think I was just bored and didn't think that the programme was funny at all.

Anyway he immediately paused it and turned on me, aggressively shouted at me and asked me why I didn't think that it was funny which was of no use because he didn't like my answer and then kept on saying that I'd proved his point. He actually even made me re-watch that part of the programme and asked me to explain to him the reason why it was supposed to be funny.

This all sounds so ridiculous, I realise. However, the thing that I'm worried about the most is how he turned on me and the aggressive manner. It was as though I was on a stand and he was questioning me. He barely let me speak for myself and when I did he was twisting what I was saying and using it against me. I didn't understand his reaction one bit, I was being very silly and annoying yes but I don't think it warranted that outburst. We still aren't talking and I feel like he either hates me or that he needs help, which one I don't know?! I just know that I can't and shouldn't have to put up with this type of behaviour being six months pregnant.

Sorry for the really long post but an outsiders opinion would be nice because I really am at a loss.

Hang on so just because she was a shit first but then acknowledged it...so he was a shit in response...so if he acknowledges all square surely?!

jiggly you view is crackers. "It wasn't really 'out of nowhere' was it? You mocked him for laughing at something you didn't find funny. That sounds like a really spiteful thing to do."

No a spiteful thing to do is to be aggressive to your pregnant wife! Stop blaming the OP because he husband is a controlling arse!

She was being a goady arse. She totally atarted it then didn't like the response. Time to grow up and quick.

LesisMiserable her husband does things that could end their marriage. She let out a little sarcastic laugh. Nothing is square or fair.

LesisMiserable she was doing no such thing. I think you need to 're read the post where she details her husband's abusive behaviour.

re winding and raising your voice is not abuse. There is no other action mentioned!!

We disagree. As does 50% of the thread. What she did was horribly underhand, laughing at what her oh enjoys. Taking the piss out of him, basically, in a way he wasnt enjoying or playing along with...not a million miles away from abusing him, actually,by MN standards.

Op asked if it her or him - on this occasion - it was her.

I can't understand my partners behaviour towards me ATM. I can't understand why he isn't stopping himself from arguing with me knowing that I'm 6 months pregnant and more depressed than I am happy.

I think the OP feels something has changed and he is more aggressive.If it was a standard argument the partner would have got angry but calmed down.I think the OP knows there has been a shift.

If you have been on the end of verbal abuse it's so difficult to explain to others.Often the trigger maybe rational but the reaction is irrational and too aggressive.

Op, start a journal.If you felt scared then listen to that.The verbally abusive relationship by Patricia Evans is very good at explaining what verbal abuse is, the different terms and helps to validate what you are feeling.

What is his parents relationship like?

Hack,duck off with the gender bias craps. the op has said he has mocked her for her choices of tv viewing. Stop pretending s husband acting like this is normal. The OK,did not say he rewound it she said he forced her watch it. is that ok? Is it normal. No it is not.

OK,"If somebody had witnessed last night it would have looked like he was emotionally abusing me..."

That is because he was.

I am sorry so many but jobs want to make this out to be your fault. But it is not. Ignore those who seem to want to excuse abuse.

DirtyChaiLatte not acting too perfectly? She's carrying his baby. Cooking dinner and running a business but she made the mistake of laughing sarcastically at a man! Are we back in the middle ages!

Rather, pregnancy is not an illness bit it can make one tired, especially in this heat, when running your own business and having MS and all the other things posted by the OK. Rather your post seems to lack all compassion.

I am so ashamed of Mumsnet OK that you should get so many shitty answers.

OP what you are experiencing is not normal or acceptable. Why not speak to women's aid for advice. A lot of posters on this thread seem keen to paint you as the villain, maybe they have their reasons but I can't see it is based on anything you have written so all in their heads!

I can only suggest they are not arguing with an empty room so perhaps OP needs to own her responsibility in this and think if being "silly and annoying" to the point she's causing arguments is a good shout? Pregnancy is not an excuse to be a wind up.

LesisMiserable no laughing sarcastically is not abuse. Nce try at deflecting away from the real issue.

Mumsnet is for support. Your comments are not supportive at all.

Dont try and undermine my opinion. Its a forum not a dictatorship. The Op asked for opinions not sycophancy.

Thank you for all of the new comments and opinions. Again, I totally admit to acting immature but I really don't think that my behaviour warranted his reaction. I honestly don't, I honestly believe that if it had been the other way around, yes I would have gotten annoyed but I wouldn't have tried to make him explain himself like he did to me by rewinding the programme and then smugly shouting at me that i have just proved his point. The demeanour in which he proudly kept on repeating to me that I had 'proved his point,' was wrong. I sarcastically laughed as all of the characters were laughing and he was laughing and that's it. I definitely wasn't looking for an argument, attention perhaps but not an argument by any means. Why did he not just tell me that I was really irritating him and I offended him- I would have apologised and we would have moved on but he's just carried on this big ball of stress and now I feel as though he needs to say sorry too.

I don't feel that I need protecting or that I need constant praise and I'm not as needy as perhaps I'm making myself out to sound. We've been together for nearly ten years and he's probably only ever bought me birthday cards twice in all that time and as for compliments- rare to never. He needs more praise than I do. But sometimes it would be nice for him to show me his appreciation for who I am and what I do.

With regards to my MS, I've had it for nine years and I'm completely fine so long as I stay within my limits and one of those limits is to avoid unnecessary stress. Day to day I am fine until i come across stress so following last night I'm trying to keep myself calm.

And I have no idea why I do all of the cooking and cleaning. I have tried to work out a schedule with him but that never works.

I agree the OP started this and if someone mimicked my laugh sarcastically I would find that humiliating.

She was looking for an argument as she was bored but somehow thinks her DH should stop himself from arguing back with her.

I agree there is a gender bias.

So now we're getting to the nub of it. OP, do you want to be with this man? If so and if you're willing to overlook the lack of attention he gives how are you going to get past this?

Of course she asked for opinions. And mine is you appear to be making excuses for her husband's abusive behaviour. Also Mumsnet is for support so even if you feel she in in the wrong LesisMiserable you could do it without calling her a goady arsenal, which is not in the spirit of being supportive, IMHO.

Not sharing the household tasks is crap. He needs to sort himself out there.

Now you've added more details you both sound equally immature and jerk like in the moment. His shouting 'you've proved my point' is not abuse ffs.

You could just both move on, it doesn't have to be a big thing with over dramatic apologies.

If 'gender bias' means men her to be shots to their pregnant wives, sherk their side of cooking and housework then yes bake this is indeed a 'gender bias'.

Please OK speak to women's aid. He sounds awful and controlling.

Plus this never works the other way exactly as men cannot carry babies in their bodies for nine months.

I can't see this mentioned anywhere so sorry if it seems like I'm jumping to conclusions, but was he drinking when this happened?

My ex got like that when drunk, every time. With music not TV, if I wasn't particularly keen on a song it would be played over and over until I 'could appreciate it'. It is a form of abuse IMO.

Hack the OP had described a situation where she does the vast share of the practical and emotional work in their relationship.

How does that make her emotionally immature/ you are showing yourself to be quite anti-woman if you really think there is any equality in this relationship.

Yes I aware you may be a woman but anyone who can read this and draw these conclusions seems to think women have less rights than men.

And if you do not think that why are you not being supportive of the OP and encouraging and empowering her?

Ok ovmuat go and cook the dinner.

I am genuinely stunned anyone thinks that it is ok to shout at a pregnant woman for a tiny sarcastic laugh! luckily, OK I think you can see this behaviour is not normal in your husband's part.

Op not OK!

My DP mocks my viewing habits - I just roll my eyes at him a bit or laugh along with him - it's just gentle ribbing. Like I watch Nashville and he'll say silly things in an exaggerated country style accent. I can easily see him doing this.

I wouldnt flip out and shout and rewind and force him to explain himself! But then I acknowledge birthdays and do half of the cooking and chores too so I'm not a total arsehole like this guy sounds.

Shan I love Nashville, is it back on?