How do I increase my social circle?

[user1499716615]

It may sound like a silly question, but hear me out. I'm divorced, early 50s, no children, and I'm from an ethnic minority. I have no family in this country, and I have a very small (shrinking) social circle. On the plus side I'm articulate, financially independent, healthy and I've invested in a new career. But in the last 5 years I've dealt with challenges like a relationship break-up and redundancy from a long-held, well-paid job and I seem to have weathered the shocks.

I've used my commonsense, and joined meet-ups groups which I find very helpful, I volunteer and I belong to a professional body. But I'd like to really have a meaningful relationship (dating sites - done that in my 40s), get myself a permanent job (I seem to be forever on fixed-term contracts) and above all, make some meaningful friendships with like-minded people. And I seem to have hit a brick wall. What do I do? Where do I start? I'd appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

It isn't a silly question. I find it difficult making meaningful friendships. The people in my social circle I would class as acquaintances rather than close friends.
Sorry I don't have any suggestions.
Just wanted you to know you're alone

Thank you finallyagrownup for your kind and helpful reply. I truly struggle with increasing my friendship circle, and , the efforts I've made to do this re the meet-up groups I've joined have resulted in 'acquaintanceships' as you've mentioned, not friendships. But I'm still working on this.
But what is really important for me is to build up that moral support network in the absence of close family nearby. Hence the query. I'm realistic enough to know that ventures into online dating is at best a leap in the dark for a woman my age. So I want to concentrate on friendships - and I'm stuck for what to do next.

Have you tried the U3A for like minded groups?

Ho noego, funnily enough I looked at this U3A website just yesterday! Didn't find a link to any groups, but I'll look again. It looked like from the site that it was devoted mainly to learning stuff. Thanks for the suggestion.
I also joined another meet-up group yesterday, am going to a drinks evening early next week.

Finding likeminded people is difficult. So can only suggest like minded groups.
What sort of thing are you interested in?

The usual I guess, nature, walking, current affairs, and the not-so-usual: New Age spirituality. What's important however is that I be genuinely interested in others, not just from a what's-in-it-for-me perspective. People can tell if someone's not authentic.

All that said, finallyagrownup's words ring true - I make acquaintances easily, it's the converting them into strong, meaningful friendships that is difficult. While they're perfectly fine at that superficial level, what would elevate them into friendships is what I find missing - shared points of views, outlook on life, self-awarness etc. It shouldn't be difficult, but I'm stuck.

Once you have discovered your spiritual self., then the requirement for meaningful friendship falls away. Perhaps visiting the local Buddhist centre might be helpful? Meditation classes? Yoga Classes? Finding a local spiritual group.

Hi noego, we seem to be on the same page! I've recently joined a yoga class, and I've also joined a Tai Chi class - I'll be going for my 5th class today. Must say I really enjoy these.
As you can see, I really do make an effort - Meet-ups, spiritual classes, volunteering, professional networking, etc. It's just that I'm struggling to make meaningful connections with like-minded people. I agree fully with your observation re discovering my spiritual self. But in the end I recognise that part of me that is human, and that yearns for meaningful social contact.

Tai chi is a lovely way to spend an hour and is good exercise IMO. I understand what you mean by stating that you recognise the human part of you yearns for social contact and whilst you are attached to the person you always will. When you discover the impersonal it really won't matter that much. Believe me :)

I have some friends in West Wales who I think you'd like .... just in case you happen to live there.

You sound lovely OP, if you leave Bristol/Bath, I would love to meet up with you. I know totally how you feel

I don't think there are easy answers OP, especially as you have done all the things I'd suggest, like Meet up. Maybe get involved in a mixed sport? But it seems to me that step one is to increase the number of people you know. It's a numbers game: the more people you meet, and acquaintances you have, the bigger the potential pool of people who might turn out to be significant in your life. And so putting in the groundwork for that, which you are doing, is a really good step in the right direction.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies everyone. They have really helped, and have assured me that I'm on the right track. I'd begun to think there was something wrong with me.....
My philosophy is this - if one yearns for something or finds something missing in their life, then they should 'forget the self' and look outwards, to what good they can do in the world. For it is in the giving of oneself that one receives. (Which is why I began volunteering). So I guess I'll just plod on with making an effort.
Yvetteballs, yetmorecrap, thank you for your kind offers of friends/meeting up. Unfortunately I live nowhere near you
Theoscargoesto - you're absolutely right, it's a numbers game. Thanks for the confirmation that I'm on the right track. As for sports, not my cup of tea . But I do go to the gym

Sometimes you might not share the same interests but you can still become close friends. For example I don't know much about New Age spirituality but if I had a friend interested in it that would give us something to talk about. Obviously you would have to share some common ground but it doesn't mean you have to both share similar interests. Maybe try doing something different and see what happens. I wrote a previous post about a night out I had which was something new for me but I really enjoyed it. Opposites do sometimes attract, in a friendship kind of way.

Finallyagrownup, I agree with your last post. Like I said, I've now joined a new Meet-Up group and I'm looking forward to my first social event with them this weekend.
If there's anything else anyone can recommend to increase my social circle, I'd like to hear from them.

Rather than just meet up groups what about trying out some new hobbies. People get pretty passionate about that kind of thing.

I highly recommend dancing. Try Ceroc for an easy introduction to getting moving and meeting new people.

The other thing to remember is that making friends does take time. You have to invest and it sounds like you're pretty busy already with work and volenteering.

I agree it is very hard. I have done evening classes/Meetups and have had a bit of pleasant chit chat, but nothing further. There are frequently comments on MN by posters sneering at those trying to make friendships, whether they be at work, at the school gate or anywhere really. But for those of us who are shy, have moved around a bit, have no family (or all of those!) it is sad when you really would like some friendly company.

One proactive suggestion, OP - get a dog! Whilst I wouldn't say I have found any meaningful friendships via dog, I do meet a great many people to have a chat with. Some of those I think are getting there, as in moving towards a coffee together and not just stomping along in all weathers.

Hi GeorgiePeachie - you beat me to it! I am a passionate outdoors lover, and I've organised a few wildlife trips in my groups. Plus, I've joined some wildlife charities which make trips locally and across the region. I enjoy these tremendously and my knowledge of nature has increased.

As a result of all my group affiliations and memberships, I have a fairly active social life.
But as for meaningful connections, I live in hope.......

LadyinCement, thanks for the suggestion....for all my love of wildlife and nature, unfortunately for me I'm not a 'pet person'......
Different strokes and all that....though do read my earlier post re wildlife groups.

What about a National Trust working holiday? I went on one of these and had a great time. We (all ages) were in a bunk house and had a real good laugh, particularly when one of our number hooked up with the organiser and we saw her trying to creep out stealthily for a nocturnal assignation with him...

Thanks LadyinCement for the holiday suggestion. I'm going on a long weekend break to Sicily with two friends I met on Meet-up. So yes, I'm exploring that avenue too...

Is there a spiritualist church near you or could you Google something like a meditation group? If there are any crystal type shops near you things like this are often advertised there. My mum is very into this kind of stuff and there are definitely local 'scenes' but you probably need an in.

Perhaps you need to re-name this thread. You seem to have a wide social circle. Everybody that has suggested something you already have covered

You have a wide social circle and are always on the look out for other opportunities so I think all you can do is carry on and wait. Close friends I have made as an adult have usually taken a long time to develop.

I made new friends (or acquaintances, I guess) through joining a local sports team (part of the " This Girl Can" campaign). Doing a team sport is very good for bonding.

(I also do yoga, but find it does not lead to much social interaction, I just do that for the exercise)