Feel so alone right now

[Lovelilies]

Just found out my ExP (2 kids together, broke up in April) has been seeing someone else, all the while trying to get back together with me. I was starting to believe he'd 'changed' but no, he's a lying bastards.
And just recently needed someone to look after my DC for a few hours while I worked, but not one of my friends would help me out.
I have my lovely DC and my old mum, but I'm feeling so crap right now I can't stop crying.
I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and I should get a grip, but I'm bloody tired and so hurt.
Sorry for the moan, just feel like there's no one in RL to give me a hug and say it'll all be ok

So sorry to hear this OP. What a bastard to be seeing someone, I essentially as a backup, while trying to get back with you.
Did you end the relationship?
April was not that long ago so things will still be very raw right now anyway. I also separated from my ex in April and still have good days and bad. This is a time when you really need friends and family so I'm also sorry to hear your friends didn't help you out. Do they know what's been going on with your ex?
Everything WILL be ok because you got rid of this lying idiot who clearly doesn't deserve you. In time you will be so glad to be shot of him and no doubt he will be messing this new gf about and you will be well shot of the drama.
I hope he is doing his duty as a father and helping out with the kids!
Hold your head up high and don't let him see you're feeling hurt. Focus on those lovely kids and how much better your life will be without him. If he is the type of guy to do this, is he food enough for you? NO. Sending you big hugs and . I hope you feel better soon.

Food enough? sorry, Good enough!

Thank you so much whatsmy.
That's all I needed. My RL friends are so wrapped up in their own lives they don't really have time for my dramas. My mum is lovely but not the best at hugs and sympathy!
DD1 (12) has made me a cup of tea and we are watching a chick flick together so that's nice

Hang in there Lovelilies, things will get better. Focus on the kids and what a great Mum you are.
Who needs bloody men?

Yeah. Men are crap!
Still feel crap 😭

I have had a slightly similar horrible revelation today Lovelilies and spent most of the day in and out of tears.

Do pop in over here if you don't mind rude words directed at bastards sweary ditty thread

It's cheered me up from feeling really heartbroken.

Thanks Pearly
I'll pop over should go to sleep

Hug from me. You may not see it in this light right now, but you have had a lucky escape from the ex. You deserve better and single life is better than a relationship based on wandering eyes. Your friends may not have helped you out but simply reframe them as social contacts. I have people in my life that are 'friends' to share coffee with, and not life problems. I think people are self-absorbed and selfish generally these days. In some respects those who are not just get eaten away with the stress of juggling life, work, family etc.

Be kind to yourself and focus on the good stuff in your life. This will help you get over the bad things people, including your ex, have done to you.

How are you doing today? I'm struggling but it helps knowing I'm not alone. Hopefully we'll be able to look back from our one day peaceful lives and feel proud of our endurance.

You really will PearlyG8 although it will seem hard to imagine at this early stage.
When my ex first left, even though it was my decision, I felt as though someone had died and just couldn't shake off this dark cloud I felt hang over my head. I've never cried as much in my life.
Finally now I'm starting to feel better and appreciating the benefits to being on my own. All the things he used to do/say when we lived together aren't there anymore and I feel free.
This experience can only make you stronger!

Hi, I'm up and down really.
It feels like a punch in the stomach and I'm losing my patience with the DC more which then makes me feel guilty!
Had a cry today, I know it will get better, but it doesn't feel like it just yet. The main trouble is having to see/speak with him regarding the DC (they often have medical appointments etc), but I just need to detach myself. Feel such an idiot that I still believe all his lies (and wish he would be the man he could be so we could have a happy family!) I'm really having trouble accepting that his 'changes' are transient and he always reverts to the lying bastard.
One day hour at a time eh?!
How are you all?

All you can do is take each day at a time. Everyone will tell you it gets better with time but its no help really is it? You have to ride out this awful time and cry if you need to. Don't beat yourself up too much about losing patience with the DC, its understandable and they won't remember. I still get short with my DC if my ex finds yet another way to piss me off. I snapped at them the other day after coming off the phone with him and hate myself for doing it.

How old are your DC whatsmy?
Mine are 1 and 3 (his) and 12 (previous relationship)

Do you have kids too Pearly?

I have 2 DS of 9 and 3! They have been surprisingly fine with the separation thank god. Youngest is too young to understand and the oldest is very sensible and understands why we're not together anymore.

I could have written your 20.24 post Lovelilies almost uncanny. Instead I was having a horrible /surreal non conversation which has probably done my head in even more.
Another 3yo here :)

Almost the exact same scenario here, except no kids. Split with partner in April after discovering his long term affair when the other woman contacted me. Except she wasn't really the other woman as she didn't know a thing about me, he'd just completed omitted the fact he was already in a relationship to her! I kicked him out and he's been staying with his parent, we've been going to relationship counselling every week to try and reconcile and trying to spend more time together. Except he'd been saying the exact same things to her, and had wheedled his way back into her bed. I still had suspicions, contacted her, we both realised what a lying manipulative arsehole he is and concocted a plan. I confronted him last night, he flatly denied everything not knowing she was in the other room listening, the look on his face when she came through the door was comedy gold. Even then he couldn't tell the truth, tried playing us off against one another and said some really hurtful things to both of us in the process. Such an utter utter bastard.
Still miss him though but honestly the feeling of relief knowing that I wasn't going crazy and there was something going on is overwhelming. When someone is so manipulative you begin to think there is something wrong with you, Not him! But this is the first day of the rest of my life and I can finally begin to heal. The support on this forum is wonderful so keep posting, we will all get through this xx

1Mrs, I wish I had the balls to do that!
I even work with his 'OW'!!
It's not even as though he's a great catch. The poor woman is 30, no DC. He's 45, bald, fat and has 2DC!

It amazes me how many downright horrid manipulative men there are out there, and that us (usually intelligent!) women fall for their BS.

Pearly I'm feeling a bit more positive today he's working away so o don't have to see him til Thursday when I hand the DC over to him. Not looking forward to that.

How do you manage seeing them, and keep bright and breezy for the sake of the DC?

I know it's bonkers but I really want to have a 'fling' with someone!
When my last LTR broke down I did, and it really helped get the fucker out of my system!
Trouble is I have 3 DC now, one still BF at night so I never get the chance to be alone.

Not bonkers unless it causes more problems. My capacity for finding users (& worse) makes it a bad idea for me!

Well done 1Mrs!

Does the person I love even exist?

I would t want anyone to get hurt Pearly, it'd be sad if I found mr perfect when I wasn't ready though!

I think I need to do the whole 'finding myself' thing, as much as I hate the phrase, I don't even know where to start!

That's a good way to look at it really, the person we thought we loved, was an illusion.

I think it's easy to think there are no good men out there because we get all the horror stories posted on here and don't hear about the normal relationships. Just trying to keep the faith that not all men are bastards, but definitely second the advice to rebuild your strength alone and not rush into another relationship

I've been put off men to be honest. Both my relationships have been with arseholes but then I think I'm attracted to arseholes! I do see some lovely married guys out there so they do exist. Unfortunately their wives hang on to them....