Age difference.....

[Doesitgoto11]

Hello lovelies, I've been around a while but this is my first post of my own

So - I was wondering if you have any thoughts on how much of an age gap is 'too' much?

I'm coming up to 40 and have recently reconnected with an old friend who is nearly 20 years older. I love spending time with him, he makes me feel super special and treats me like I'm the most precious person in the world.

But the age difference is still mildly phasing me to be honest - but my last relationship involved EA and gaslighting so I don't know if it's actually a self worth issue of my own given I'm so totally unaccustomed to being treated the way he does.

What do you think - is there such a thing as too big an age difference? Are any of you in relationships with a similar gap? I'd love it if you can help me sort my head out!!

I couldn't get past him being 80 when I would be 60. It would be too big for me.

My partner is 16 years older- I am 32 and he is 48. To be fair he lied about his age when I met him and I don't think I would have met up with him (online dating) had I known his real age but I am glad he lied! I am aware the difference means nothing now but will feel more as we get older. However I cannot imagine my life without him so I am ok with that.

I think 20 years isn't too much of an issue, you've finished having DC, settled in jobs/careers/homes...

I'd say go ahead and date - no need to rush into anything permanent and long term. Do you have hobbies/interests in common?

There is a age difference of nearly 16 years between me and my partner. I'm not bothered about the age difference. To me the important thing is how he treats me. As for needing care you never know what will happen in the future. Not everyone in their 80s will need care. I know a lady who is 32 who had a stroke and her 43 year old husband cares for her.
As long as you are happy just concentrate on the here and now.

I would say at your age 20 years isnt a big issue. 17-37 would be, imo.

However i couldnt get past the fact that, if it was serious i would becime a young widow. I know it can happen to anyone, you might go first etc But there is a really high chance he will die before you are even 60.

I would need to weigh that up against, the fact that its better to have some years of happiness than to let him go and perhaps not find anyone you connect as well with.

Its a decision only you can make.

How come we hardly see it in reverse?

I have wondered that too Valentine.

He isn't 'old' for his age if that makes sense? I mean, I know 'old' 20 year olds and 'young' 80 year olds.

He has a son who is in his 20's, I can't have kids so it's not like that's a consideration.

When we're together it's just really comfortable, hence why I'm thinking it could just be past relationships coloring my view

There are 22 years between me (38) and DH (60). We have been together since I was 20 and the age gap doesn't really make much difference. I was in an abusive relationship before meeting DH and it took a while to trust him but that would have been the same with anyone I think, because I was completely fucked up.

My DH is 14 years older than me. It didn't matter one jot when I was 26. It is really starting to matter now I am 37 and he is 50. I fear for the future. And I've saddled DS with an 'old' dad. Wouldn't do it again in hindsight.

Emmanuel Macron is an example of the reverse but yes, it's rare. If you are both happy, I'don't go with the flow for now. If it looks like it may become more serious later, then you may need to really think about it.

The quality of your relationship is the only thing that matters.

I wouldn't contemplate dating someone 20 years my senior or junior, to be fair. However, if I met someone 20 years older, who had a really positive affect on me, I wouldn't focus on on their age at all. I'd just enjoy being with them and enjoying a lovely time with them. You can't know the future. Who knows what'll happen tomorrow, never mind beyond. Sounds like you've found a good'un.

I've never faced the reality of a situation like this but in theory I wouldn't. I know someone who is 80 and they have various health ailments with a poor memory and basically have no life or live a very limited one.

However different strokes for different folks and at the end of the day it's what works for you

40 and 60 isn't an issue really. You are both well and truely adults. If you were 20 and he was 40 then I would think it not so great.

I think it's wonderful that you feel so comfortable and happy with this person. If you feel like this, I truly do not think it matters that there is an age gap.

I have never understood the so-called 'issue' that society seems to have with age differences in relationships. I think many older men are seriously hot, and always have done. It is also proven that men mature slower than women, so in my mind, if they're older, then they would probably be more mature than most men of a similar age to you! They would have had more life experience too, which I would see as an advantage. Many people often say stupid things like, 'but they'll like different music to you,' so fucking what! My DH is only a few years older than me and we certainly do not like all the same genres/artists. We do try to educate one another though, and I think that would certainly be a positive aspect in any relationship, regardless of the age gap. My DH and I are very similar in lots of ways, but polar opposites in others and have been together for 12 years.

If it feels good, then be with this man!

I wish you and your partner all the best for your future together.

Thank you so much everyone I really do think it's just my head playing silly buggers and trying to get me to see more 'difficulties' than there really are

I don't think it matters when you are younger but there really is a huge difference between 60 and 80, even if both in reasonable health.
Unless he is very young for his years I personally wouldn't go there.

The greater the age difference, the shorter the relationship. But they can be star-bursts of wonder. Like galaxies colliding.

Thankyou my lovelies. Pleased to report we're gonna see how things go - we actually had a chat about the age thing and he says he never saw it till I brought it up lol!!!! We've settled on a day at a time x

The greater the age difference, the shorter the relationship.

Really? Says who?

I've been 12 years with a guy who is 22 years younger.

Well chuffed when I read about Macron and his wife.....

Sam Taylor-Johnson and her husband also comes to mind.

Are the posters here young and believe aging won't change them or old and talking of their experience? 20 years is a lot. Not for me.

We have a 9 year age difference. I'm 9 years older and then DH.

The only time it comes up, is when it's assumed I'm his mother. I then tell them he's so hard to live with it's put 20 years on my face.

We've been together 23 years - he was just 20 when we married and honestly, he's always been 'old' some of the stuff he comes out with, it feels like the age difference is the other way round.
He had a really bad accident 5 years into our marriage (he's completely recovered now) and I had to take care become his carer for a while. One day he just sobbed as I bathed him, I did too because it made us both realise ANYTHING can change and twist your life around. I can honestly say it improved our marriage, it made us even more grateful we had chosen each other.

If you make each other happy, age is just a number.

It's not a problem if you don't have a problem of an 18 yr old marrying a 38 yr old.

18 year old marrying a 38 year old is so different to this situation because an 18 year isn't even close to an adult. Legally yes, mentally and emotionally no.