AIBU: How much time does your husband/Other Half spend at home?

[user1499359004]

My husband has recently moved jobs.
He leaves at 7.30am and is hardly ever home before 8.30pm
We have two young kids 4 & 3
Now, his job is providing us with a good standard of living I do appreciate that BUT equally I feel resentful because he is hardly here. At the weekends he does spend all his time unless he has something planned with his many hobbies.

Am I just ungrateful?
His answers is it wont be forever but by the time he has more time at home, our kids will be big and I wont need him half as much...

Kind of just wondering is this the norm in most household

Who can says what's normal or not, quitelikley?

Although this self selecting sample is likely to be extreme examples. People probably can't be bothered to contribute if their other half's working hours are average.

Leaves at 7am, back at 5pm.

He's here all weekend.

wouldn't mind if he was out more often actually

For the record he has a normal job, 30 minute commute.

Not the norm here. Dh is a director in a professional firm. Leaves at 8, home just before 7.
Big factor is only half hour commute. We looked at much bigger houses further away but decided his time at home was more important to us.

Yeah I do contribute but I work from home and I guess I'm just home a lot and also have one child with special needs who is amazing but hard work.

I think I am in a situation where I am unsure of what I want.

I am aware of how lucky I am to be home with my kids and I love it (most of the time)

A lot of my circle etc have partners that are about a lot more so its good to see so many of you saying that its the norm for you.

I think I need to get into my own routine.

Paramedic DP. Usual pattern is 5 days on, 4 days off but last shift is usually a night ending at 7am on his first day 'off'. Standard shift is 10 hours long.

DH is a scientist. His hours at work are 8.30 - 5.00, he has a 2.5 hr commute each way.

He needs to cut back on at least some of his hobbies. His family should come first.

My hubby works away mon-thurs or fri 😐 three kids 2 with additional needs. It's hard going as we have no time together and I do feel isolated in the week, but he has a good job and he's fab with the children at the weekends x

My DH works a 9-5 job, he leaves at 7.30 or 8 and is home at 6. That's more normal I'd say. Loads of our friends live closer to their workplaces and get home earlier.

Dh leaves at 8, comes home at 6 to help with kids bed. He often carries on working in the evenings to make up for not staying later. We are lucky that his commute is only 15 mins cycling. He could do longer hours and earn more but not interested

OP could he not give up one of his hobbies to have a bit more family time at weekends?

My hubby leaves for work tea time Sunday and returns tea time the following Friday, he is currently deployed for 6 months 3 of which are no contact and we have two small children. It is a bit shit sometimes but we really make the most of any time he gets at home at weekends etc.

Wow, didn't realise how much time DH spends at home until reading this thread! We are both PT. He works 3-4 days a week, always home by 5.

But we are always skint!!!

Mine leaves home at 5.30am and gets in around 7pm when he's on days, and leaves at 5pm and gets in at 6.45am when he's on nights. He works 7 shifts straight before having 3 rest days, the first half of the first day is spent in bed after finishing his last night shift. We are like ships in the night some weeks - he can go a couple of days without seeing DS17 because of school and cadets, and I work away regularly.

It was much easier when he was a postman and DS was small because DH used to finish his round about 1pm at the latest and collect DS from nursery/school. I started working away when DS was 7 and DH was medically retired from the Royal Mail when DS was 11.

I know lots of men that work full time, bring in an ok wage and are home for tea, bath and bed every night, never go away on business etc. I also know lots that don't. I feel a bit resentful as my husband is away lots and when he is home he has long hours. His wage is good but no better than the wage I used to earn not doing those hours, or no better than these other men working in different types of jobs. We can go 2 weeks without even speaking on the phone and 7 or 8 weeks without seeing him. I don't feel I have the lifestyle that goes with that level of commitment.

DH out the house 8.30 till 6 or at worst 7 me similar but p/t.

We both work 30 min commute away - we're in London and have chosen a standard house more centrally over a long commute.

DH always asks about work life balance and makes it clear he's got a young family at interviews - hasn't been a barrier but perhaps he's been lucky.

Usually leaves about 7:15, home around 5. Some overnights and he might pick up his laptop to think through some code or monitor how something is running on the odd evening.

My DP works from home but he's in his office from 8.30am-7pm, then he takes and makes calls until 10pm and on the weekends as well. He has about 2 weeks off a year. It sucks, but he earns well and we have a very comfortable life. I feel like a single parent a lot of the time as I do a lot of stuff with DD that he can't come to.

Mine leaves home at 5:30 and is normally back early afternoon. Quite a well paid job that's allowed me to be a sahm but I think we're just lucky. He gets any 2 days off though so rarely have a weekend. At least most of his day is his own. He tends to spend 99% of his time at home with us when he's not at work he needs a hobby because he's a home body

Dh not long been made redundant but generally has worked 730-430 monday to friday for years, both as self employed and working for a company.

Only real hobby is football, goes to a match every couple of months, though usually with at least one of the dc.

He would much rather be at home getting under my feet!!

Op, that's where I was trying to drive you to. How important is your current standard of living to you and how reliant on him are you to provide it? Versus how much you would prefer him home earlier.

What are your options, can you work outside the home and earn similar and he stay home? Can you increase your contribution so he can reduce yours? Can you live with a much reduced income if he changed job? Do you wish to split up?

So saying you resent him is just a knee jerk reaction, you do need to think through what your options are and which is preferable. He then has the right to do the same.

Pretty normal here - since they were small babies and I moaned so much that he asked me if I genuinely wanted him home more because if I did we'd have to move to a cheaper area and he'd have to get a less well paid job. He'd have done it for us but I couldn't ask him!

OH is an electrician and his hours vary depending on what clients he has at the moment (him and his dad have their own company) but usually he leaves for work between 7 and 8 and comes home between 14 and 16 but lately he's not been working much at all due to lack of clients so is back by midday or 13ish.

He does go out a few times a week to ride on the quadbike or hang out with his friends but generally he's home a lot.

DP leaves at 7.45, home by 4.15. He's a plasterer. Never works weekends/bank holidays unless it's an emergency and he's then paid double-time for it.

My husband used to leave home on a Monday morning around 6am and return on Wednesday or Thursday depending on meetings etc. Then he'd maybe work 8am - 8pm at home one day before doing Friday in London staying over until Saturday sometimes. There were times we hardly saw each other to talk but it got better over the years.