I cannot forgive him

[SelenaTheFox]

Hello All,

I feel gutted, but above all humiliated by my partner's words.

Just a little background, last night we hosted a dinner party in the garden with few friends and that went fine. This morning as I was tidying up - loading the dishwasher, I told him that the cabbage that he was given when he visited the allotment had gone off - the smell was awful. I threw most it if away in the garden when I returned back in the kitchen, my partner asked me rudely, "What's that smell?" I told him it was the cabbage.

He asked me again, "Are you sure?" I repeatedly told him that it was the cabbage, it was at this stage that he held my trousers and said, "Did you changed your clothes from last night?"

This really upset me, I showered twice a day, change my clothes daily and in fact, I had showered this morning and last night clothes were in the washing machine. I felt so embarrassed then really upset and then utter disappointment in someone that I felt knew me.

To make this even worst we were in the garden together this morning while I was having my coffee and later on, we sat close to each other on the sofa. I am so hurt and have been avoiding him and this may be the deal breaker. Because I refused to accept his apologies, he verbally abused me, then came back and apologised again and I am still not accepting this kind of behaviour.

Why do I feel so hurt?

Sounds like you've really been unhappy for a while and this is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Let it be your impetus to leave or kick him to the kerb. Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't value you as a person. Better to be alone than wishing you were.

He's being an arsehole. Sniff him next time he wants to have sex and ask him if he's had a shower?
That was rude and mystogynistic

What a nasty man!
Those gym sessions will help you to run far & fast from him. And your confidence & self esteem will return no end.
I know that drained feeling very well, I thought I was depressed, but realised that the depressant was the ex.
Good luck

Good for you.

Do you know what you need to do to separate? Do you think you'll be ready to soon?

You sound strong and determined. It's good to hear (just sorry you need to be).
I love the gym for focus and self esteem. I feel like I can take on the world after a good weights session, then I swim to think things through.
Today's a new day.
Good luck x

Good luck op. He sounds like a vile cunt! Well done for being so strong and self aware! Genuinely horrific that he tried to humiliate you and belittle you like that.

Any so called 'joke' about women smelling, whether it be fish or cabbage or whatever, is nasty and misogynist. If my DH tried it, he'd be told never again, no second chances.

Just ended a relationship like this - I understood the op perfectly and can fully imagine. This will get worse trust me. Leave him
It's not worth it

Tell him to fuck right off and dump his sorry arse.

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your comments and advice
I went to the gym this morning! I cannot believe how much energy I had today, finally cleaned up my kitchen. I told him again that it was over and I noticed that he had put out the "Mr Nice Guy", it's not working, I know that it's over and I won't allow myself to go backward, the goals right now is to move forward . I cannot have the man near me; he tried to hug me, I told him no, he asked if he can help me with cleaning the kitchen, I rejected the offer.
I am back at the gym again tomorrow and the day after that, I am going to keep going just to prove to myself that I deserve far better that this man

Well done, Selena. Do you live together?

Good for you!

Well done OP. Hope you enjoy your new life away from this "man" sounds like your going to be a lot happier.

Thank you for all the advice, comments and encouragement.

Nellie and Bush, yes, we do live together. He is in the spare bedroom, I think he will move soon

I am not going to give him any more chances, it's over this time. Last night, I ate alone, he had to sort out his own dinner. This morning I was up in the gym early and got back just after 7 am, showered, did housework and had breakfast alone while he was still sleeping. I have always been an early riser, but after meeting him, he insisted on getting up late.

I am back to my original routines of getting up early. I am not sure why I put up with his behaviour for so long. It's been tough and I am too tolerant and a people pleaser, however, this time I am done! Throughout the relationship, he shouted at me, disrespected me in front of others, last Friday he told me that he would be back in 20 minutes but came back after eight hours saying he lost track of time and on Saturday, he went to get food for breakfast, the supermarket is less than 5 minutes walk, he came back after two hours and then blamed me for not phoning him to remind him to come back at home.

The gym sessions are really helping, instead of tears, It's sweat from working out the stress and disrespect from a man who reduced me to someone else.

It does not matter how slow the progress, I have no option but to keep going. I have put a wall around me and he does not know what to do. He is trying to be nice, but then again nice is so cliche... how long would that last without him attacking the little strength that I have left? So, in a way to force conversation, he attempted to return a dressing gown that I gave him, but I told him to keep it.

Sometimes we take things for granted, this two days has been wonderful for me to reflect upon, quietness, contentment, freedom and not having to walk on eggshells.

Tomorrow another session in the gym, it's a fight to get my sanity back and know that I am not a horrible or nasty person. Love must not be a reason to allow yourself to be disrespected that you lose yourself confidence, self-esteem, self-worthiness. The feeling of waking up every morning and having no energy or motivation to do anything.

Sorry for the long rant!

You sound very determined, keep it up!

Is he looking for somewhere else to live now?

What happened to Augusta?

@liviadrusilla

Brilliant update!

Well done op. I'm so impressed by your posts - you are inspirational in your behaviour and attitude.

He sounds like a total dickwad. You go girl.

How are things?

Stay strong.
he's just being nice as a ploy to allow him to stay and continue his mission to bully you and also, of course, get his wee shag.

when is he going to move out?

Thank you Laura and TwoBusy, I am still going to the gym and sticking to my routine. On Saturday he asked if he could go to my allotment, I reminded him that our relationship has ended and I do not want him to do anything for me, if he wanted to go and clear the Allotment , I would pay him and I did paid him. He later asked if I would like to go for dinner with him, I declined the offer. On Monday, he lost his temper with me when I refused the food he gave me, I disengaged immediately and continued with what he was doing. Last night he asked again if I wanted to go for dinner, I politely told him, no thank you and went to bed early.

All his attempts has failed miserably as I am not backing down. He is cooking his own food and eating by himself. Tomortow I will start a new job and will not see much of him till he moves out.

Someone pointed out that he was not planning a long term relationship with me, that's very true. I have had time to reflect on the relationship and feel that he was grooming me to passive, submissive and a doormat.

The gym has helped a lot, no anger, no more panic attacks and most importantly, I am back to my normal routines and started doing my research again. This man almost destroyed me and I really appreciate all the people on here who took time to comment and gave advice.

Tomorrow is one week since I ended the relationship and I am not going back to that hell again. It's better to be single than awake up to all that crap every morning. The house is so quiet, no more shouting, no more tantrums from the man-child. It's the victims that tell their tormentors that enough is enough and it's a one way ticket!

Well done on holding firm.
You are sounding strong and decisive.
Welcome back

Well done OP you must be so proud of yourself