My husband is the bomb - how can I thank him?

[Stilyaga]

I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant and have had a pretty shitty time of it physically and emotionally. I also had an early miscarriage immediately before this pregnancy, so technically I've "been pregnant" and feeling like crap since January.

My husband has been absolutely incredible (even more than he usually is ) this whole time by doing things like taking over my share of the housework; rubbing my back and feet almost daily; bringing me food and drinks all the time; standing up to his family for me when I've been too sick to travel; and essentially treating me like a goddamn queen. Not once has he ever had to be asked, and not once has he lost his patience or expressed any ounce of frustration at having to do so much extra.

Now I am feeling like a new woman, and really would like some ideas on how I can thank him (other than my many, MANY verbal thankyous over the last few months)!

The reason I want advice is because many "normal" go-to treats like sex, alcohol and sugary/unhealthy food aren't right for us at the moment for various reasons, and as we are obviously saving for our baby I know he wouldn't appreciate me spending silly money on any kind of gift.

What would you do? What have you done in the past? Husbands of mumsnet - what would you appreciate?

My husband has also been great during my pregnancy. I wrote a little lovey dovey letter in a silly card and we went for a picnic in the park.

I think it's nice to show your appreciation to someone.

When I want to show my DH how much I love him I give him a foot rub. I hate feet so it's like a super special treat for him that makes him really happy.

He has been amazing my entire pregnancy even though I've been a complete shit for the past 9 months and now we're at the end I feel so in love with him (I'm not usually very affectionate) so tonight I will cook his favourite dinner, pamper him with a facial and a nice bath and then a foot rub. It will put him on cloud 9 so I'm looking forward to doing it for him.

forever Yes! My husband's sports-battered feet are SO SCALY and weird so maybe I should do the same and rub them - never normally go near the things if I can avoid it so that would be rather special

Btw I'd like some recognition and appreciation for being brilliant and saying your DH is actually wonderful.

tizzy YOU are actually wonderful! And thank you for being a beacon of positivity and light in a group of otherwise rather underwhelmed responses! is that an appropriate emoji?

ugh at sex being described as a "treat"

sordid I know right. I can't abide the whole sex-as-gift thing, so I didn't want anyone to suggest it!

You were the one who mentioned it being a treat, first time i've heard of the concept (thankfully!)

sordid really!? How have you managed to escaped that hideous trope? I'm envious.

escape not escaped*

Of course people say thank you when a cup of tea is made. It's basic manners.

I've been pregnant twice, one of those times high risk and I've had two emcs after two fairly traumatic labours. Throughout, DH took on more work than usual. Not for me though. For us. For the marriage and our family because it was necessary. When he was in a serious accident, I did the same. When he deployed abroad, I did the same. When he has exams to study for, I do the same. It's about balance, doing what you can, when you can.

It's not underwhelming actually. I think it's nice to see this as a norm. This is what love is. Responsive, caring and equal. What you want to do is the same for him to make him feel cherished and important and I bet he does. It's why he did all this in the first place.

I'd do things differently. Don't concentrate on gratitude, that's a constant really. Concentrate on continuing to love and support each other. Enjoy each other and the fact you feel better. Celebrate your marriage and the part you're both playing.

Yes thank you

Appreciation isn't about not being equal (think that's what was suggested up thread) id go as far as not showing that you appreciate something in a partner makes an unequal relationship. Never getting thanks can be quite demoralising - doesn't need a huge gesture either - a simple 'thank you I appreciate this' makes a massive difference

Oh god now I really hope other people have heard of people "giving" sex or sexual favours as a thankyou/birthday/anniversary gift otherwise it's going to look like it was my own questionable idea... NOOOOooo

show that's really a wonderful way of putting it. Thank you!

and tizzy I agree that we are the sort of couple who need to say or show a thank you whenever one of us does a lovely thing, even if it's so "normal" that we would have been rather put out if they hadn't done it!

I think he sound lovely, well done that man! I also think the jar thing sounds like a lovely idea. Congratulations on the baby and also for seemingly being in the 'blooming and glowing' stage!

Can't believe the responses here. There's fuck all wrong with letting your partner know you appreciate him.

What a load of whingers on this thread. Of course couples should just be nice to each other, but to be honest I usually forget to do the extra little things. Appreciating each other it's really important in any sort relationship. Sometimes even just saying is good enough.

How about something like this

www.notonthehighstreet.com/ellieellie/product/father-s-day-man-behind-the-bump-mug?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-ZOJ88Xt1AIV0hbTCh32MgJ8EAQYASABEgJKdPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CJTRm_XF7dQCFbMw0wodqBUC4A

or

www.notonthehighstreet.com/sophiejonesjewellery/product/my-daddy-my-hero-keyring

The keyring...I was thinking 'baby' can still show daddy love and appreciation before he or she is born :)

Surprised by the number saying this is all normal and nothing to even be recognised. I know it SHOULD be normal but I don't think it is and I think it's lovely that OP wants to give DH something back to show her appreciation.
I'm going to steal a couple of ideas as I am at the end of my pregnancy with DC3 now and my DH has been incredible, getting up every single morning with the kids throughout and also recently taking on my job (I'm self employed) as well as his own 55+ hour work. I for one think that's pretty incredible and not "to be expected".

I've heard sex being referred too as a treat especially on here. More in if he doesn't do x y z don't let him have sex.

I love the jar idea with reasons why you love him / memories etc.

Maybe make a coupon book of his favourite things that he can "redeem"
I made one last year for a joke.
I put coupons like
" can take over the tv and watch any sport without KungFu commenting on it being boring "
" favourite meal too be cooked "

I think there's lots you can do to make someone feel appreciated.

One is be polite and appreciative whilst they are doing the mundane activity which it sounds like you do (so say thanks, look pleased).

Then perhaps appreciate what they need given they are running around after you a lot- so say things like 'you must want to put your feet up by now, love, how about we watch a film together' or whatever nice things you do together. Shows you've noticed their putting in their share and that that's tiring, even if it is to be expected under the circumstances.

Meal out, buying something small online- what way do you show your appreciation and would he like to be appreciated (maybe google the five love languages to get some ideas)?

I disagree that this is just standard stuff and doesn't require more than a shrugged thanks. I am a carer and it is exhausting over time, the one thing that makes me feel better is knowing I'm truly appreciated for doing it, even though, by mumsnet standards I 'should' and 'have to'. Feeling like the other person has noticed your care makes it all worthwhile (doesn't have to be through gifts though, getting in a takeaway as they see you are tired is good enough!)

Was he a bit of a tosser before then? Most people I know don't only act like that when their partners are pregnant. Are your standards always pretty low? You seem to think men are simpletons who don't act with courtesy or kindness.

My DH gave me a 'reasons that I love you' card he made for me for a birthday. There were some things on there that I didn't know he even considered to be a thing for him, and it was lovely to get and lovely to receive. If I were you I'd give him something similar, perhaps prefaced with "When we've had no sleep and are ratty and fed up with nappies and car seats and baby vomit, remember these things....." He can then refer to later.

I also agree that if someone is kind to you, even if it's constant and is in some way 'expected,' I think saying thank you is lovely. Taking it for granted = less so.

I think he is being lovely OP and a thank you is a nice idea.