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Original poster

Man I am seeing doesn't have time to meet me but sexts all day?

54 replies

ConfusedDeer · 03/07/2017 15:21

I have been 'seeing' a new man for around 3 months now, we met online. We get on really well, actually it's quite strange at times how well we get on and just how much we have in common. We had some great dates, and great sex.

Over the last month and a half he has become increasingly busy (he works two jobs, including one that is evening/night shifts). He also has a daughter that he sees every weekend. He has told me that he currently doesn't have the time to see me on a regular basis. I accepted this as him fobbing me off and our conversations dwindled.

However, the last week or so we have begun talking again, pretty much sending text messages to one another all day. They will often turn flirty and into sexting messages. I told him a few days ago that I was not willing to continue this texting 'relationship' or become a FWB, and I wanted a relationship whereby we saw each other on a regular basis. He said he understood and I deserved more, and if his circumstances were different he would see me.

But we keep slipping back into this regular texting/sexting thing. I really like this man and I haven't met anyone I have as much chemistry with in a very very long time.

I'm getting to the point where I think I should just cut all contact with him. It's preventing me from meeting anyone else properly as I keep pinning my hopes on him. Has anyone had a situation where this has worked out in the end, is he just stringing me along or should I just block and try to forget about this one?

OP posts:
JellyBean31 · 03/07/2017 16:21

When this happened to me, I really wanted it to work out as (like you) he was the first person I'd felt any connection to in a long long time. I gave it more of a chance than my earlier comment indicated.....but eventually I had to admit I was banging my head against a brick wall and he just wasn't as into me as I was him.

We all deserve better.

Carolinesbeanies · 03/07/2017 16:29

OP, just taking everything on face value, my neighbours son (who Im sure isnt your beau as he doesnt run a business) is in a very similar situation. He has his daughter every weekend from friday night through to sunday night and works long days sometimes 6am till 8pm. (His bosses allow him this flexibility mon to thurs as he refuses to cover weekends due to said daughter). Thing is, neighbour is always asking if Ive any eligible friends as dating is impossible and she worries. (Hes a really nice bloke by the way, Ive met him, own house and totally responsible)

I dont think theres an answer, except what do women do in these circumstances? Daughter is of course number 1 priority, so in a way your beau has gone up in my estimation as he could easily do what so many do, dump and run for a great boysy weekend every weekend.

Have you suggested a 3 some date to a park/picnic with said daughter? I think that that may be the sticking point, but theres no reason why daddy cant have a friend over for a playdate and take things slow. But do you want to dive into a 'family routine' every weekend and certainly be 2nd priority for a while?
Controversially, Id comment that imo women are more reluctant to step into an immediate family situation, whereas men are less concerned about it. (Perhaps thats because women will take on the extra 'child' without fuss, whereas men may expect you to become a live in housekeeper)Smile

How do you feel about the daughter being a permanent placement and your sum total of socialising will become watching Frozen 4 times consequtively on a saturday night?

Carolinesbeanies · 03/07/2017 16:30

PS He could of course be a lying tinder scheming lothario whose stringing you along.......... who knows?

stumblymonkeyagain · 03/07/2017 16:38

This won't go anywhere and you need to find your self respect and walk away.

Either he's genuinely too busy to see you which means he basically is just prioritising everything else in his life and he's not that bothered about you, or...

He's just not that bothered about you.

Either way he's just not that bothered about you.
All of his behaviour screams that he's not that bothered about you.

I'm sorry I'm being blunt but I feel like it's needed. He's basically using you to massage his ego and provide the odd bit of sexual thrill.

Please walk away!

user1499094968 · 03/07/2017 16:40

Sorry to be say but he is probably married/long term relationship and you're the bit on the side keeping his mind excited.

Think how you would feel if someone was messaging your partner. Block him and move on. Find someone you can have an actual relationship with for your own good.

Original poster
ConfusedDeer · 03/07/2017 16:56

Carolinesbeanies I have suggested that we could spend time together whilst his daughter is there but he has said that he doesn't want to confuse her and introduce women into his life until he is 100% sure it will last. Which I can understand.

stumblymonkeyagain Thank you. I think this is what I needed to hear. I'm heavily leaning towards just blocking and deleting him at this point.

OP posts:
Cloudyapples · 03/07/2017 16:58

It's pretty simple - stop replying to his texts. If he wants to see you he will make the effort, if not then time to move on.

Thingvellir · 03/07/2017 17:13

What cloudyapples said.

Although I think he's married/in another relationship

mumonashoestring · 03/07/2017 17:20

I think fizzygreen has it spot on - I've known a few guys who love this kind of 'relationship' because it asks very little of them but provides them with the ego boost of having someone on tap who finds them attractive and will bolster their confidence and provide that flirty little frisson without actually having to follow through with any of the effort of properly investing in a relationship. He may well like the idea of a relationship with you but if he was ever planning/going to prioritise it he'd have done so by now.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 03/07/2017 18:53

If he really wanted to see you he would find a way, even if that was to spend just an hour with you. If he can't or won't then he simply isn't relationship material and the texting is stopping you from moving on and finding someone who is available.

Original poster
ConfusedDeer · 03/07/2017 19:03

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks You're right. I am going to block his number.

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 03/07/2017 20:04

He started dating someone else six weeks ago. If he really wanted to be with you he would find a way to be with you.

Marypoppinsumberella · 03/07/2017 22:06

Has he been separated from his ex very long? How old is his Dd? It's possible he's still in the process of splitting and has some complications. The texting thing always make a me nervous...you never really get to know someone that well and they could be hiding anything.

Angeldt · 04/07/2017 07:08

Sorry to be blunt but I think he's using you, and then drops you like a ton of bricks but keeps you just enough interested so that he can get his end away when he feels like it. Sadly he probably has a few of you on the go as well.

user1496484020 · 04/07/2017 07:18

You're cheap phone sex. He's just wanking.

LionsOnTour · 04/07/2017 07:44

I don't think he is using you. He's been open about what he wants and it's up to you if you want to carry on or not. If you don't want to do sexting or FWB then don't 🤷🏻‍♀️. I'm not sure why you are angsting over it. He has told you he doesn't have time for a relationship - he's hardly stringing you along. If you are answering his 'sexts' then he probably thinks you are doing it because you want to. Why wouldn't he?

If you want to stop then just tell him you don't want to keep in touch and then DONT keep in touch! No need for anything more complicated.

robinia · 04/07/2017 08:00

I agree with Lions.
Either accept it as the way it is for the time being. Give it time to either blossom or fizzle out.
Or tell him it's not working for you and end it. No need especially to block. You could leave it open to him to contact you if he has more time in the future and maybe resume your relationship if you haven't found someone else in the meantime.

Trills · 04/07/2017 08:06

He is getting what he wants out of the "relationship".

You have said that you don't want to carry on without it being something more.

He has demonstrated that he is not especially bothered about it being something more.

You are continuing doing what he wants. So of course he's not going to call it off.

ShatnersWig · 04/07/2017 08:22

Why do people settle so easily for this sort of shit?

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 04/07/2017 08:37

You and he clearly want different things so move on.

From everything you've said, I don't think he's married or whatever other suspicions were raised at the start of the thread. He's just in a place where all he wants/can fit into his life is a FWIB situation (as a single parent myself I can understand: that's all I'd be able to fit into my life). This doesn't make him a bad person, it just makes him in a different place from you, and means that what both of you want from this is incompatible.

It's obviously making you unhappy though, so you have to find the strength to walk away for your own sake.

Original poster
ConfusedDeer · 04/07/2017 08:44

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog He is not looking for a FWB situation either as I have asked him. He said he's not looking for anything at the moment as he has nothing to offer/no time to invest properly.

I have decided that I am going to ignore/block him. If he was that interested then he would find time to fit me into his life. As others have said, I doubt anyone doesn't have an hour across their entire day, across their entire week to see someone!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/07/2017 08:49

Op, when a man wants to see you he will.

I wouldn't block him but I would just ignore. Let him make the effort if he wants to. If he doesn't, he won't and you have your answer. Stop with the texting, right now you're giving him all he wants. Tell him to get in touch if he finds time for a relationship but until then to lay off the comms. Then see what happens,

Hermonie2016 · 04/07/2017 08:58

Confused, good for you! In my experience when men are keen they will move heaven and earth to see you.
I think if you let him go completely you are more likely to have the mental space for someone else.

He's likely to try to hook you back so either block or have a phrase to on broken record technique.

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 04/07/2017 08:59

Well if he's not looking for anything and you are, what the fuck are you doing wasting your time angsting over him for? You know where you stand (nowhere). You're not happy with being there. So pull yourself together and block his number.

(Wonders why I wasted time on this thread since OP is obviously just a time-waster herself. I begin to see why AnyFucker quite frequently just posts one-sentence "get a grip" type advice.)

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/07/2017 09:10

I don't think OP is a time waster. It's hard to see the wood for the trees when you are in a situation and she obviously held out hope that this relationship would develop.
I hope you've gained some clarity from the situation. I think you are making the right decision to stop messaging. Now you just have to stick to your guns!

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