Atilla my parents seem to be in love, they get along nowadays but when i was a kid would fight. Mum would smash all the plates and storm out, slamming the door, leaving an annoyed dad who would ignore me and my brother.
My mum is the child of one lifelong alcoholic and another parent who has become an alcoholic in old age. She only recently began going to Al-Anon and sorting that stuff out. She was a counsellor for children when I was growing up and also volunteered with addicts. She was sane and lovely on paper and in public but would explode at home.
Parents were never on the same page about parenting; mum insisted that dad favoured me from when I was very small (not the case for my little brother). I used to get lumped in with dad if dad did something wrong because I would try to defend him in the argument. I remember an occasion where mum took my brother out for the day and left me in the house with dad. Dad was angry because I'd "interfered" in the argument and made mum worse, I think I was quite young. I just remember feeling like I was the bad child and my brother was the good one. I still think of him as the "easy one" now.
Mum is very particular about smells and tidiness to the point of it being a bit obsessive. Obviously kids are untidy and can spill things etc. so I remember getting shouted at a lot from a very young age.
She was nice too, I remember getting e.g. a little card and a gift left outside my door to say sorry if she felt she'd gone too far. One of the gifts was this strange ornamental statue of a mother cradling a child, and when I got angry I slammed it onto the cupboard and the mum's head fell off. Mum then said I had done that on purpose.
I developed MH problems as a teenager and began self harming/cutting, parents didn't know what to do with me (started age 11/12). Mum made me strip into underwear and prove I hadn't cut which I found invasive, she also went through my room and removed personal diaries, made copies of them and would feed them under my door angrily asking what I meant by XYZ. She was just worried about me and I was writing some weird stuff.
I remember thinking my parents argued all the time and telling a friend my mum hit me, but I don't know how badly she hit me really and I think it was more the threat? When she got angry she'd be so angry spit would fly off her face into mine and I sometimes had nightmares with her angry face in them. I know she used to threaten to hit me with a hairbrush and once a spoon, I remember being chased up the stairs and locking myself in the bathroom, and I know sometimes I got hit but not very hard.
Once she was so fed up with me and my brother when we were 8 and 6 that she ordered us into the car and drove to a lake. We all had to get in a row boat and she rowed us out. I thought she was going to drown us because she was so angry.
The worst was when I was an unhappy teenager and began drinking and experimenting with weed and school refusing. She would be nicey-nice for a bit, then something would set her off and she'd come into my room and throw my stuff around and shout that I was going to be a junkie, an alky, I was pissing my life away.
Whenever we had an argument she would pursue me round the house and I couldn't get away, I would sit one side of my bedroom door barricading it shut and she would force it open and keep ranting and ranting.
If dad was home he would make her go away. But he was never home, always working, which mum hated. Once I remember punching her in the head, which is dreadful, I just wanted to make the noise stop. I used to fantasise about killing her sometimes.
When I got boyfriends they were my protection. If they were in the house and mum kicked off they would ask her to stop. They validated me because they believed me.All my friends at school always said "your mum? but she's so nice".
if I got in arguments at school she would take the side of the other child or excuse their behaviour somehow.
I was a very meek academically able child at primary and early secondary, but began truanting.
I was also an obese child and my mum is obese, so I developed an eating disorder to get some distance from her. People always said I looked like her and it would make me so angry, I never wanted to be like her.
Sorry for the rant, there is probably more but that's a summary