I've really gone and done it now

[Gamesetandmatch1]

I have been seeing man for 6 months.
I am 30s. He has two kids I have 1. Been happy and enjoying spending time with him.hes divorced ( a litter older than me ). We have Booked hols together / he says he loves me / talks about us long term. Anyway one niggle is that I want to be married at some point. No rush or anything but after years of being with a partner . When I discuss if he'll ever marry again he says " it's not something i think about now , I may or
May not " . I said that does he think he'd change his mind after years to come. He says he's unsure. I have discussed it a few times with him n got v non commital reply . Last night it turned into a row . I was called insure and says he may wanna break up and is ignoring me . So sad. Any words of wisdom? I know 6 months is early to discuss this but I feel in 30s it's kinda work thing one discusses. I'm not running to buy rings I just would like to know that option is available in future after years of bf/ gf.

From your recent posts, I'd say he is scared of loosing any more money should he marry you and it ends in divorce.

TBH, I don't think it's too early to mention marriage, but I think you pushed it, because he gave you an answer. His 'maybe', is his response.

It wouldn't be a good enough response if marriage is something I wanted, so I can understand that point.

You equally need to understand his point. Either have your time frame in mind or end it (sounds like it's over anyway) and look for a relationship with a man who knows he wants marriage for sure.

TBH even when I was in my 20s, a 'maybe', would have led to the end of the relationship from my end. Or I'd have kept the guy while I was looking for someone else.

How is the stress of job thing a red flag?

It's not. It's what you said that is a red flag.

'She left me because I couldn't cope with the stress of my job', to me, is him thinking he's saying:

I worked hard in a stressful job and she couldn't understand that
She left me when I was suffering for the good of the family, what an ungrateful bitch

But makes me wonder:

How was his 'not coping' manifesting itself?
What was he doing to deal with the stress?
Both of which make me wonder what exactly about it drove her away if it's true, and what he thinks he should have done differently, if anything.

Oh and phrasing it as 'she's made a lot' implies her marrying him was a business venture that paid off. Really misogynistic.

He gave you an answer now you need to accept it or move on.

If you had been married previously you'd understand where he was coming from

He wasn't being non committal. You pushed and pushed and he got annoyed! It's six months!

You're not going to put off someone who's really serious about you.

And if marriage is important to you and that's where you want to go then you have every right to say so.

I think six months is a bit soon to be pushing the issue, but at the same time if you want to get married and he doesn't, he's not the right person for you. In your thirties you know what you want, it's perfectly sensible to lay your cards on the table and not waste time on someone who doesn't share the same goals.

Too many women pussyfoot around men not daring to 'ask' where the relationship is going for fear they may bolt, rather than defining what they want out of the relationship for themselves.

You're pushing it now to test how feels - perhaps you feel consciously or unconsciously he's not into it as much as you.

You can get married in church but apart from that marriage is nothing to do with religion - most weddings take place in Register Offices or the like. It's two people who have taken probably the most important decision of their lives regarding their commitment to each other, and who choose to make a public declaration of that commitment in front of their families, friends and assorted hangers on, and then live by it. Anything less is really no better than bf/gf.

The piece of paper is just a portable record of the proceedings for (non-trivial) legal purposes.

You keep going on and on about life long commitment - like it's something that will solve all your problems and insecurities.
Even now - what you want is a commitment of sorts - to make you feel comfortable - your question wasn't about 'marriage in general' - don't kid yourself.
It was - 'will you marry me eventually' - because you were going on and on about it. He is not stupid - he knew what you were asking, even if you were not totally honest with yourself.

So - first - there are no guarantees in life. Life long commitments happen, and then break, 50+% of the time.
Your insecurity will be better helped by talking to someone, to get to the bottom of it.

Second - he could have so easily lied to you. Could have told you what you so clearly wanted to hear. Most men would have done that.
He is a decent guy, told you the truth. Be happy you found a decent one.

Third - you say - you don't want to be 2 years in and marriage sill not on agenda.... Is that a universally accepted timing?
So - what if you are two years in and are ecstatically happy together. Yet w/o a ring.... Then what - you'll leave?
(See the point about counsellig, above - you need to sort out your own issues - not look for others to make you happy)

• Finally - i know for myself, if I get divorced - I don't know I'd want to marry. Divorce is terribly difficult.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't want to be in a loving LT relationship.