Please comment on this incident

[mikado1]

Ds (5) pulls runner on the bed in anger, disturbing my folded clothes. I told him he needed to put things back as they were. Before he did, DH straightened runner so I whispered 'He's to do it', at which he threw it around agsin and said 'Bloody he'll, fine', really annoyed. So I said 'good reaction', considering our son needs to learn about appropriate reactions. He then picked up a bundle of coins and threw them on the floor while muttering under his breath. I said 'good modelling' (I know I know, i just wanted to make a point and knew ds wouldn't get what I was saying. He then came over to me and hissed 'Dont you tucking speak to me like that'. He then went into the bathroom and loudly banged things around. My ds1 then got up and started fixing my clothes..

I know I haven't covered myself in glory here either but feel I cannot communicate with him. What are your thoughts on this incident, as an outsider?

Those are all my fears itsanewdawn..
I agree that criticism doesn't work (and I know he'd agree with pp who's pointed this out) and this is exactly what I want him to stop doing to ds1 (he overreacts to ds overeaction). Definitely think some counselling for me or both needed at this stage. Not a word spoken since.

Just updating: following last post, I went in and apologized for what I had said and explained the reasons. He immediately apologised for his overreaction and told me he'd apologised to ds on return to the bedroom earlier..

Just discovered a broken toddler step in bathroom- chunk taken out of it :(

Anyone have any further thoughts/views on this since updates? I am still quite sick about the step.

I think your DH's behaviour was just awful, really awful. Sorry. I don't think you should have apologised. You were a bit sarky, that's not brilliant. But what does your DH do when people at work or friends are sarky to him? Does he start throwing stuff, swearing at them and acting all threatening? He doesn't, I bet. He is choosing to treat you like shit.

Thanks LivininaBox I know you're right. No big blow ups since but a lot of reactivness/irritability over minor issues.

Not sure if anyone's still reading but this morning: I was downstairs with both dc and place is slightly messy but nothing that would take more than a 5min tidy. H comes down all huffing puffing and banging things around and then threw ds' shoes at force into hall- ds standing nearby. He is now driving very aggressively. I have said he needs to apologise to us both. No response.