And of course I can't stop him.
I'm new to MN but have lurked for years on here so do know all the shortenings. This might be quite long as there's a huge back story:
We've been together 5 years, married for 14 months and have a 2 year old DD together well she's 2 on Wednesday.
DD was unplanned (contraception failure) and things haven't always been easy but I thought DH and I had a good relationship. DD has a global developmental delay of between 9 and 12 months, she has no words, is partially deaf, has a squint in her eye, and is asthmatic. She was also born with a hip dysplasia in both hips and didn't learn to walk until she was 22 months old, she's still very unsteady on her feet and can't walk very far at all - the doctors aren't sure if this is due to her hip problem which won't resolve itself - she spent 12 weeks in a pavlik harness from 8 weeks old and has also had numerous physio appointments, or whether it's due to her general delay. It's been a very worrying time, and I spend a lot of time at appointments for her.
Despite this, she attends a private day nursery 2-3 days a week, she's making a lot of progress - beginning to use Makaton and Flash Cards to communicate, and has a few friends she enjoys playing with. The nursery also works with a local specialist through school which DD may attend if her GDD turns out to be something more serious than just a delay, and she sometimes approx once a month goes over to the school with a couple of other children from nursery to have specialist help. She's generally a happy little girl, loves Nursery and is often invited to birthday parties and for play dates at other houses.
DH also has health problems. A urethral stricture, which means he uses a catheter, this has lead to depression and anger issues. I will say he's never ever hurt either DD or I. He gets very angry sometimes, smashing up doors, plates, the occasional toy.
I've put up with this because he's supposed to be having an operation to fix the problem plus he has counselling through the Bladder and Bowel UK Charity, and is on antidepressants.
We have a pretty good life. I'm a SAHM, although I'd love to work I can't because DHs hours are variable, and his shifts start at random and different times all the time, so I need to be available, plus DD generally has falls and accidents at Nursery that require me to take her doctors/hospital at short notice for her to be checked out - Nursery is mostly funded through Emerging Needs Fund and my granddad which pays for 1 day each, and we pay the extra £30 a week for her to attend 3 days.
DH works between 20 and 30 hours a week. He can;t work more due to his condition, and he can't be left unsupervised with DD as he struggles to run around after an energetic toddler.
This morning DH has come to me and said he's not happy. he hasn't been happy for years and he's leaving me. He doesn't know how it's going to work yet because he doesn't want to have to spend 3-4 hours a week with his mother who he doesn't like much, but gets on fine with me/DD so that he can see DD. He's too young (only 23) to be able to get a flat so he'd have a houseshare, and he doesn't want to live with anyone - he won't go to PILs as he doesn't get on at all with his dad, and his mum and him argue when living together. He told me that the way he sees it there's not enough money for everything and DD should be my priority.
I feel so lost. I love him, and I love being a family with him and DD. I have my own problems - asthmatic and I struggle with hayfever at this time of year, plus I can't drive - but I do keep things under control, and I can't see how him leaving us would help the situation at all.
I can't stop crying, poor DD keeps bringing me tissues. We have a housing association adapted bungalow as DD is terrified of stairs and may need a wheelchair so the house is already adapted if needed. I'm also worried that DH is reacting to temporary problems, as he should get his operation soon.
I can't stop DH leaving, but I don't think it's the best thing for us as a family.
Please tell me it'll be ok. And if I have to I will manage DD on my own? I'm so scared about getting her to appointments and to Nursery when I don't drive, and DH/FIL help me with that.