Heartbroken - split with lovely boyfriend.

[littlewoollypervert]

With him just over a year, went to France to meet his folks in January, met his daughter (18) and ex two weeks ago. Don't live together but I thought as he's just out of a 20 year marriage it would be slow. We hadn't seen each other properly since I met his family as we've both been really busy with work so went for a walk this morning, he says he doesn't really miss me when we are apart and that the feelings of love aren't developing for him. Devastated. He will pick up the few bits he has in the house next week while I'm not there (I asked him to come while I'm out). I was going to take two kittens from his ex's cat's litter but don't know if I can now - will they remind me of him?

I've just attacked the brambles with the hedgecutter - v therapeutic

Deffo get the kittens but call them something different to what you may have planned. They will be an amazing distraction at this difficult time and so playful they will bring a smile to your face when you don't feel like smiling. They will also be quite needy at first and keep you busy.

I doubt he will think it stalker-ish from what you've said of him - he sounds eminently reasonable and sensible, and after all, he is still in touch with kittens-ex. I agree that staying in touch with him yourself wouldn't be a good idea. Out of sight, out of mind' is the best approach. Seal the memories in a box in your mind, and don't open it again till time has passed and you can look upon them with fondness but detachment.

Take the kittens. Keep distracted until you feel more able to deal with the hurt.

Just had a salad and diet Coke with my friend (who is going through a horrible marriage breakdown - we're each other's cheerleaders). I think I'll have a long walk before dark so hopefully I'll sleep. No answer re kittens. Glad he hasn't texted though - I need the headspace - I would be analysing every word!

The kittens are adorable. Can I have them!

Tom and Jerry!

Mumsnet loves a 'name-my-pet' thread so here goes...

Posh and Becks
George and Charlotte
Ant and Dec
Reggie and Ronnie (Veronica)

Fuck today is a hard day. In work but haven't told anyone - any sympathy and I'd be a puddle on the floor. His stuff was still there last night - I hope it's gone tonight.

I hated the first day back at work after me and my ex split, couldn't think straight and all I wanted to do was curl up and cry! Even though it feels the pain won't lessen, it will. One thing I am strangely grateful for is the fact my ex stopped speaking to me pretty much straight after he finished with me - at the time all I wanted to do was talk to him, to get answers but he ignored me. Now I'm thankful for it, meant I could have some headspace and move on much quicker. If I had carried on with a friendship with him no doubt I'd still be pining about it all now.

Is there any way a friend or relative could drop his stuff off? Just to get it out of your way quicker.

I pass his house on the way to work and on the way home, if I don't hear anything tonight I may put it in the car to drop it tomorrow evening while he is at work (there is somewhere safe I could put it).

Relatives don't know we've split (dealing with their reaction will be a pain) so I'd rather sort it myself.

But I would have to contact him to let him know what I'm doing with it and I don't want to have to do that. No contact has helped me before - staying friends is a head wrecker!

Oh I agree that staying friends can be a head wrecker, I guess it's fine if you don't have feelings for them but I would find it incredibly difficult to stay friends with an ex if I still loved them. It's hard.
If he doesn't collect his things then I'd be tempted to drop them at his tomorrow, ideally without him being there.

I wouldnt' take the kittens tbh. It's not like there's a world wide shortage of kittens. You'd be mad to take these ones.

Get kittens, other kittens.

I had that once, a guy who dumped me with honesty and integrity. I'm totally totally over it now without any regret although it was a blow at the time.

Don't stay friends

It will wreck your head and be perfect for him. He obviously likes you a lot just not enough to be a life partner........ that will dent your confidence and make you feel less valuable when you're trying to connect with other men.

Oh he's not into staying friends - and I know if we did I would just pine for him.

Good. Most hurtful thing that ever happened to me was when I fell for a man who said ''we have emotional intimacy and it'd be great if we had physical intimacy as well but not in the context of a relationship obviously''. huh? luckily I shut him right down. He wanted to be friends and I took a step back, but HE wheedled his way back in to my life as a friend and eventually like a fucking idiot I ended chatting to each other ALL the time. It was kind of heaven and kind of HELL. I walked away but omg, being friends with a man you like, I wouldn't recommend it.

I did it years ago but 1) when we broke up I insisted on a good few months apart with no contact - which he respected and 2) I had another (casual) relationship on the go by the time we got back in touch. Still always had a soft spot for him but no further misery.

He texted me to say the kittens found another taker before he got my change-of-mind text and that he took his stuff today while I was at work and left his key. So that was our last contact. Now surfing cat rescue sites...

for you OP. Bloody sucks when this happens, when you're so happy.
Though I think it's better that you aren't getting the kittens that are associated with him if I'm honest, I think it might have been that 'link' that you were looking for to hold on to and prolong it.
I do think you should definitely get some kittens or rescue cats though. If you're that type of person animals are great at a time like this.
Keep going OP - you'll get there x

Lots of kittens in rescues at the moment. May go "shopping" at the weekend and start another thread in the Litter Tray

Work is busy but not mega stressful - a good mix.

It's a bit sunny here so I may leave work in the next 10 mins and go for a very long walk by the sea - I've been doing this every day and it really helps me sleep well.

One last text from him "All the best". I'm miserable at the moment but it's the most civilised break up I've ever had - not at all nasty. I can't blame him at all - he can't help how he feels - it's just a rotten situation. I can imagine being very nostalgic about the relationship in a couple of year's time - we had some very nice times together.

Oh OP, fwiw you sound lovely - and those rescue kittens (whoever they may be) will be lucky to have you as their human

Well, kitten 'shopping' is the greatest fun although it can be almost impossible to choose when they're all so sweet!

I'm sure you will look back on your happy times with pleasure in the years to come - as it ended in such a civilised and honest way, your memories won't be tarred with the bitterness that accompanies an unkind or deceitful break up. Definitely start a new thread on the Litter Tray for your new kittens!