I don't want to kiss him anymore

[changedmynameagain87]

Recently every time dp tried to kiss me or hug me I make excuses. He's told me I'm being distant, I am. Sex is always off the cards (both fine with that) but the other affection I pull away from. Worst bit? We're suppose to be getting married in three months.

I know I should end it. But I can't.

You need to give us more info, why don't you want to be affectionate,why is sex of the cards ??

If you don't want to be intimate it's not a good start to a marriage.

I got to this stage with a partner and it was really horrible and the feelings never came back.

How do you see the situation improving?

We've always had a sexless relationship bar about five times in five years resulting in two kids. It's not a change, it's been that way from the start. I'm very happy with it.

Do you love him?

How can you be happy without any affection? How can he? This sounds too sad. If you know you need to end it, then you must do it. Or certainly do not get married as planned.

Are you marrying him because he's the father of your kids, or because he makes you happy?

How does he feel about it?

Yes, to solidify our family for the children. He loves me, he adores me, he's always saying so, trying to kiss me and hug me. I've never admitted it before but no I don't love him. I love him like a good friend or brother but I'm not in love.

Don't marry him then!
He may be happy with no sex but no affection for the rest of his life isn't fair.
Are you asexual?

How you feel if when married, you met someone who you did feel those things for? Someone who got on with, who you did find attractive, who you potentially could fall in love with?

Would you feel happy with your lot, or would you hanker after that other man? Because I can tell you, you are settling. And there could be more out there for you.

I don't think you should marry him

And I think you have to tell him how you feel

It isn't a good way to live, to have to pretend to be in love with someone when you're not, and it wouldn't be a good relationship to model for your children.

He deserves to be properly loved, and you deserve to be true to yourself.

I know this is a really, really rough situation to be in.

PS It is not the end of the world to not marry the father of your children. Remember that. Just because you have kids with someone doesn't mean you have to be a romantic relationship forever with that person. You could co-parent without being romantically involved.

He adores you, wants to kiss and hug you but doesn't want sex with you. Is that right?

Wow. This is really sad.

Don't forget go through with the wedding.

Ignore that 'forget' stupid keyboard

Love guitar he doesn't want sex because I don't want sex. I told him I wasn't interested in a sexual relationship at the start and he accepted it and doesn't pressure for it. I've said he could go elsewhere for sex but he doesn't want to. I'm not asexual, I just don't enjoy sex that's all.

changedmynameagain87 Have you ever enjoyed sex? Have you ever had sex with someone else?

So your partner would want sex? How old are you both?

I'm wondering why you agreed to marry him to be honest, it's not the foundations of a great marriage.

You say you don't love him, I'm assuming he doesn't know that... how sad for you all.

This is no way to live op

I've had several sexual partners. I just don't enjoy it, much better things to do with my time! I'm 30, he's 36.

I need to end it. It'll kill him. He adores me. I'm a bitch.

You're not a bitch but you can't give him what he wants and needs.
He has to take responsibility though for starting a relationship knowing you don't want to have sex. But if he thought you loved him and would show him affection and you don't want to that's not fair to carry on like that

You're not a bitch at all.

Things changed for you (or maybe you never really felt that way about him but thought you did...Whatever the situation is, it doesn't make you a bitch. Sometimes love really hurts, and yes it's going to be painful for him, and for you because you don't want to hurt him, but it has to be done.

Take courage in the thought that you are freeing him to be loved more wholly, you are, in fact, doing the kindest thing you can.

You say you love him, but you're being awfully unkind. Maybe he does say he'd rather be with you than without you, whether or not there's any sex, but it really sounds like a situation where you should set him free for his own good (I often say this sarcastically but I mean it in this case). He's hanging on in hope, and hope is not always a good thing.

Somewhere there is very likely a woman who can love him as he deserves. Unfortunately (given that there are children between you) you are not that woman. This doesn't make you bad. It doesn't make him bad. It makes you unsuitable to be life partners. It's not just unfair on DP, either; as pringlecat says, one day you may suddenly meet someone and WHAM! True love, feelings you never thought you would or could have. And then everyone is going to get hurt, yourself perhaps the most.

I can't understand what he's getting out of it if it's not what he wants.

What am I going to do? We've just sold the house (well it's my house) and going through conveyancing for the next house (again this is solely in my name). He can't afford to live alone. The new house is bigger, we can have our own bedrooms but both still be around with the children. We get on, have a laugh etc I'm just not in love with him. That's the only suggestion I've got.