I don't want to kiss him anymore

[changedmynameagain87]

Recently every time dp tried to kiss me or hug me I make excuses. He's told me I'm being distant, I am. Sex is always off the cards (both fine with that) but the other affection I pull away from. Worst bit? We're suppose to be getting married in three months.

I think you sound incredibly selfish and if you care for him at all, you will do the kindest thing and let him go. He's so young, he shouldn't spend the best years of his life in a sexless, affectionate relationship.

My marriage was similar, but my exdh really missed sex and it caused a lot of hurt and upset. I loved him deeply as a friend/companion but I wasn't in love. At the time I didn't realise this, so you're one step ahead of me in that respect. I thought there was something wrong with my sex drive rather than just not fancying him. He instigated the separation after a woman propositioned him at a works do. He didn't take her up on it but he said it felt wonderful to feel desirable again after years of rejection. I realised that I had been too scared to contemplate life without my best friend to acknowledge that there was nothing wrong with me, it was just that we weren't sexually compatible and I didn't fancy him and we were both miserable as a result. Cringing every time your partner tries to touch you is awful for both. The rejection for them and the guilt and anxiety for you.

Exdh and I separated 2 and a half years ago now and we both have new partners. We're on very good terms and the dc are happy. It was extremely hard going for a while and I had a breakdown (I already had mental health issues), but I'm the happiest and most settled I've ever been now.

I think a very honest and frank conversation needs to be had with your dp. He wants something you can't give him and he should be free to make an informed decision about what he wants from life, which he isn't right now.

You could suggest to him that you live together as friends and co parents but I'm not sure how well that would work out.

Matt-excellent post. It shows that you can retain friendship, co parent and build a new life

Oh dear, the poor man, he agreed to no sex because he thought it was worth the sacrifice to be with you, I guess he didn't realise there'd be no affection what so ever.

You really must let him go op, I know it seems cruel, but its not, THIS is cruel.

Do it now, before the house/wedding etc.

Sending you strength.

I'm not asexual, I just don't enjoy sex that's all.

That's the definition of asexual! Don't be thrown off by the fact that you masturbate, lots of asexuals do.

I think you're going to make both of you very unhappy if you continue on like this. You can have a great friendship and co-parent relationship without pretending it's more than that.

You would only be a bitch if you married him knowing you don't live him because you were too selfish and cowardly to tell him the truth.

If you love him in whatever sense he deserves more than standing next to you on your wedding day ans you lying to him. .

This is so corrosive. He can't change the fact that he wants affection from you, and you can't change the fact that you don't want to give it.

It sounds like you could be friends, but that possibility, I would suggest, will dwindle if you stay together

I would seek marital counselling first so you can talk it over with someone objective, but with the probable aim of coming to an amicable split
The fact he's been respectful of you all this time and a good father is a good thing. Both of you now need to face up to this because it won't go away.

Tell him the truth.