Partner doesn't feel like she used to about me - is it me or the pill? (Cerazette)

[ForestChris83]

Hi all just looking for some advice. We've been together 6 years, married for 10months, 2 kids from previous aged 9&11, wonderful kids and feel like my own never had ANY issue there they make it so easy for me, and we haven't had any together. Could tell something has been up with her for a couple of months now, she'd been rejecting my advances for cuddles and affection and sex has been slowing down, but she said she was tired and just needed a bit of space. No problem there's plenty to do in the garden and on the house, kids etc. Anyway about 3 weeks ago she was unwell but seemed really down and had cancelled going to my sister's hen party, so I asked again what was wrong and pressed a little harder, she finally said that she feels like we've just become friends and she still loves me but isn't IN love with me, doesn't feel attraction towards me anymore. She hadn't said anything sooner in case I went mad (previous partner experience and her father too had a short temper, she's told him to stay away but that's another story) I didn't go mad and told her I'd fight for us, but inside I was flattened and this is what I had feared all along. She doesn't see the point of trying to rekindle as she thinks she's past the point of no return. I admitted id felt a bit like i was being used as a nanny to the kids as she works away couple of times a month or is out with friends and we haven't had any time together as a couple and neglected our relationship for work, kids, friends and hobbies. What's bugging me though is that about 6 months ago she started taking cerazette to stop her periods as she does get them quite heavy and frequent. Successful on that front however reading up there are side effects including reduced libido? What I can't figure out is it really me/us or is it the pill which has turned off her affection and libido? And how do I ask her to consider stopping using something which is helping her? During our initial talk she denied it would be that, and since then has really shut off from me, and started sleeping in another room (I had been snoring, admittedly)

Any help/experiences shared appreciated

I appreciate that you might want to blame the pill for this and it can affect the libido but you need to listen to her actual words.

I don't think it's the pill I'm afraid. I think she's trying to tell you it's over. From what she says it doesn't sound as though she really wants to work on your relationship. Sorry OP.

The pill doesn't make you feel as though you're no longer in love with someone i'm afraid.

The pill (not that one) did make me feel like that. I was depressed, had no libido and didn't like anyone/anything.

It might be that. It might be that the relationship has run its course. If she wants to try stopping the pill, you could give it a go for a bit longer and see if her feelings change.

As Reow says, reduced libido can be a radish side effect of the pill, but that isn't really what your partner is describing.

The pill can't be the cause of her changed feelings towards you.

You admit that the relationship has faltered and become stale.

Refusing to listen to what your partner is explicitly telling you, and trying to pass it off as a hormonal response, is extremely irritating and offensive.

Your partner knows her own mind, and you should respect what she is telling you.

Cerazette definitely blunts my libido, but it doesn't stop me wanting affection (cuddles) unless there is some implied pressure that it has to go further.

I take cerazette and must admit that I have found it affects my libido. I still love my partner though and find him attractive so it wouldn't enter my head to suggest splitting up. I don't think you can blame your partners feelings entirely on the pill unfortunately.

I know everyone has said it's not the pill but actually being on cerazette changed my whole personality without me realising. It made me angry and cold and since I've come off it I've been so much calmer, nicer and more loving (and I'm pregnant so that's saying something). However, I don't think you can have a conversation basing all off your problems on that. You could ask her if she'd consider changing it just in case but you do need to listen to what she's telling you too. Maybe you have drifted apart a bit but you need to know why and find out why she feels like this. You also need to think about any issues you have with the relationship and talk about those too. You both deserve to be happy

All of*

You need to accept that she no longer had any feelings for you I'm afraid as hard as it is to hear.( I've been there,I know it's hard) you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.

If you were a woman writing this about a male partner, people would be calling affair...loves you not in love, opportunity re working away etc. Something to consider anyway.

Why did she go on that pill - was there soe

...something bothering either of you re previous contraception?

I think she's met someone else. Sorry

My instinct says she started taking the pill (if she hadn't previously) because of an affair. But then, lots of people saying that it has changed them so I dont know, I have no experience of it. The "not in love with you" means though "I no longer fancy you" every time, no matter what the circumstances. Women I think are a lot more ruthless than men in this respect - when they hit that wall and particularly if someone else is on the fringe, they'll be gone. Men I think will linger, beg and plead and hope with their partner for a lot longer.

Thanks for advice. Definitely not an affair, we've talked about that. She doesn't really understand why she feels this way.

Do you think she would admit to it? Never heard of a single case when anyone has without being caught out/proved and even then most will continue to deny because nobody wants to be the bad guy. I'm not saying she is, but if she believed the pill had changed her moods, she would look at other options if she loved you. But she's stated she's not in love with you and that means she's not anticipating sex or intimacy with you. Do you want to live with it?

Yes she would. Most genuine honest person I know, she said no and I believe her.

She might have felt this way for ages and only now is it manifesting itself. Sadly plenty of people marry someone they dont really love.
How long aftet she split with her ex did you get together?
Maybe she was still in the fog, that has cleared and she realises you are not the one for her, as harsh as that may sound

Maybe move out and see how it goes.

What happened in her previous relationship?

You are only married such a short while ago that I"m wondering if she struggling with the commitment of marriage.

How old are you both? I think for some women (myself included) hormone inbalances can magnify emotions so reactions are more intense.Everything an feel worse but isn't usually the root cause.

I'm really sorry but I think you're in denial 😢 the not going to your sisters hen do is also a big tell - withdrawing from the other persons family and friends is usually a precursor of the end. She's no longer invested in this relationship and it may have been festering for a while but now its at the fore, whatever the reason. I do think in time you will find someone else lurking in the wings. I'm really really sorry but its 99.9% the way of things and we always think we are the exception. I would be finding out where she goes away for work and turn up there tbh. I think its at that point now. I dont think its the pill. I think thats a red herring.

I found implanon made me feel like this and other hornonal contraception has been similar. Libido gone completely but also my husband just seemed to become annoying and completely irritating as well as unattractive to me as a person (for the record he's a great guy). I seriously thought about leaving. The I got rid of the implanon and my husband was suddenly nice and atttactive again. It was quite scary how completely I went off our whole relationship during those 6 months, which is actually pretty great.

This pill really affected my libido and made me very depressed. My relationship did suffer as a result and we came pretty close to splitting up. I knew I still loved him but hated myself and pushed him away. I must have been very hard to live with at the time. I came off it and immediately got pregnant but we are like newlyweds again now. I didn't deny the link like your dw though, so wouldn't suggest my experience is the same as hers.

If she doesn't want to try I don't think there's anything you can do to convince her and you shouldn't have to.

I'm 33 she's 31. Think it's more to do with her Dad getting angry and controlling when she was little, that's why she doesn't like confrontation or anger. Previous partner did get angry but didn't hit her or anything like that.

It's sad that things have soured since you only married 10 months ago. Do you think the wedding planning was carrying your relationship along and now that has passed everything is 'flat' agaain.