Partner doesn't feel like she used to about me - is it me or the pill? (Cerazette)

[ForestChris83]

Hi all just looking for some advice. We've been together 6 years, married for 10months, 2 kids from previous aged 9&11, wonderful kids and feel like my own never had ANY issue there they make it so easy for me, and we haven't had any together. Could tell something has been up with her for a couple of months now, she'd been rejecting my advances for cuddles and affection and sex has been slowing down, but she said she was tired and just needed a bit of space. No problem there's plenty to do in the garden and on the house, kids etc. Anyway about 3 weeks ago she was unwell but seemed really down and had cancelled going to my sister's hen party, so I asked again what was wrong and pressed a little harder, she finally said that she feels like we've just become friends and she still loves me but isn't IN love with me, doesn't feel attraction towards me anymore. She hadn't said anything sooner in case I went mad (previous partner experience and her father too had a short temper, she's told him to stay away but that's another story) I didn't go mad and told her I'd fight for us, but inside I was flattened and this is what I had feared all along. She doesn't see the point of trying to rekindle as she thinks she's past the point of no return. I admitted id felt a bit like i was being used as a nanny to the kids as she works away couple of times a month or is out with friends and we haven't had any time together as a couple and neglected our relationship for work, kids, friends and hobbies. What's bugging me though is that about 6 months ago she started taking cerazette to stop her periods as she does get them quite heavy and frequent. Successful on that front however reading up there are side effects including reduced libido? What I can't figure out is it really me/us or is it the pill which has turned off her affection and libido? And how do I ask her to consider stopping using something which is helping her? During our initial talk she denied it would be that, and since then has really shut off from me, and started sleeping in another room (I had been snoring, admittedly)

Clever never she said EXACTLY that, things about me annoy her like the way I eat, or playing rough and tumble with our son. Hope! How do I approach her on this topic though. Read out your message? LesMiserable appreciate your input but turning up at her work to catch her out is the kind of thing that would lose her trust, id never do that.

I get that.

I'm another one cerazette affected badly. Made me feel like a whole other person, anxious at every thing (convinced myself every time the phone rang it was bad news), tearful, depressed. I'm not sure this is the reason for your partner's change of heart though and I would be wary of suggesting it to her in so many words. Wishing you luck x

Also want to add that I recognised it was this pill that was affecting me and stopped taking it within a month, so your partner may have an inkling herself if it's due to this new tablet. I am on noriday now (can't take others as I get migraines) and it is fab

She has coil fitted, the mini pill is to stop her periods.

Well she could try mirena coil. Does both. Though seems quite a few experience stong side effects

She should be able to pin point if her change of feelings corresponded with the start of the pill. Why doesn't she try a break form it? I have a friend who was horrendous on Cerezette. Since she stopped she can reflect back on that time and know that was the cause. Her relationship suffered as she had no inclination towards her husband at all. Since she stopped taking it their relationship has improved a lot.

Hormone contraception has changed the life of many women in terms of sexual liberation, but for many it can numb the sexual feelings towards their partners. If she is taking it for periods, and has birth control sorted in terms of the coil, talk to her if she would consider stopping it for a few months and see if it helps her. If it doesn't then you need to reevaluate your relationship.

This is exactly how Cerazette made me feel and act towards my partner. I stopped taking them and a couple of months later, my feelings had gone back to the way they were before. I married him a year later and can't believe I went through a stage of actually disliking him.
I also refused to socialise as I didn't see the point - I didn't like anyone and they didn't like me.
It seriously messed me up.
So, it could be that OP. Or it could be that she has genuinely fallen out of love with you. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful or positive. I hope it works out for you.

No idea on the pill but if it is not, maybe trying different approach to her?

Every one receives love differently, for most men, it is usually through touch such as cuddles and sex and for most women, it is usually words like declaration of love or actions like producing gifts.

The way you perceive love may not, and sounds like it is not the same as hers, have you tried showing her you love her in different ways? Could it be by showering her with gifts, spending more time with her that does not involves sex, or do more house work so she can take some time off?

If you have then sorry, that is the advice that I can think of for now and hope you two are okay again.

I think you have to ask her to stop taking the Cerazette OP. It's got to be worth a punt. I was on the mini pill years ago and it flattened my mood completely, like a chemical cosh. If she says no, I have no idea but don't allow yourself to be put in a state of limbo where she carries on and you are living a half life. Life is for living.

You sound like a good partner op. I doubt mine would even put up with this. I agree the pill could be affecting things, when I'm hormonal I get the thing where everything annoys me about my partner. He breathes and I'm annoyed tbh!!
Ask her, I doubt she wants to walk away from the relationship just like that !

Thanks all for your feedback, I guess just need a bit of hope and you've given me that much. I'll try to talk to her about it without scaring her off even further. Thanks.

Ok so feedback time. I asked if her feelings could be affected at all by the cerazette even if other reasons were more important, she flattly denied it was anything to do with the pills, and won't consider changing type. It's her body so it's her choice, left it there. Anyway I've started talking to Relate, used their free live chat which was good, so good I've booked myself in for proper counselling with Relate. OH does not want to go. In fact she stated this week she wants to leave and take kids, so things are developing so quickly for me it's hard to take it all in. I'm still going along as I think I have a lot of learning to do about relationships, and will need help getting over her, knowing that I had her love and, over time slowly lost it and broke her heart too. To quote the counsellor "sometimes when we're really low it's too hard to look inside so we look outside" (for reasons why this is happening).

We have a mortgage on a place, she wants to move out, said I could afford mortgage on my own. But I'm worried she and kids would find it tough to be able to rent place on her own. Would it be best for me to offer to move out so she and kids can stay in house, I could live with parents for a bit. Might give her a bit of space. I don't know what's best. She might feel it's just prolonging the pain of separation. I just want her and the kids to be ok.