Pregnant: dh watching porn instead of sex

[smileygrapefruit]

Namechanged for this one. Dh doesn't want to have sex with me now I'm quite heavily pregnant. He has been very honest that it just makes him feel uncomfortable and doesn't like the idea of doing it while the baby is in there but I have in the past made my feelings about porn very clear I.e. I don't like it and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. It has been 6 weeks since we had sex so I asked him tonight outright if he'd been doing it and he admitted he had 3 times over the last few weeks. He was very sorry for upsetting me getting caught but I feel like he's totally broken my trust. He will be home from work soon and we will be discussing the issue further. What should I do/say? Obviously I'm pretty hormonal but I feel so hurt.

prolonged use would affect their relationship. - well I think there will be millions of relationships ready to prove you wrong. And your comments make you sound very naive fatrascals. Firstly, the OP isn't talking about prolonged use, secondly "it MAY affect a relationship".

No fatrascals It's you who is naive with the assumption that no women can choose to go in to porn and that we are all 'poor degraded and downtrodden ' ! I pole danced my way through University in the 80s, I loved it. I made three porn movies and more money than I could ever of dreamt of. That money gave me opportunities that would never otherwise come my way. Given the body of a twenty five year old, I would do it all again. I am not hung up on my sexual needs or tastes but I would be extremely unhappy about them being policed by my DH (who thank god wouldn't dream of it).

We are talking about someone who feels her dislike of a particular activity (that is being 'enjoyed' in PRIVATE . Away from her, without being spoken about to her or discussed with her - somehow gives her the right to veto.

It's also entirely pointless. People masturbate. They do it in private and it cannot be policed. (Thank god )
To compare it to having an affair - which would affect both the marriage (most people expect monogamy ) and her health (passing on stds ) is completely hysterical and ridiculous.

If YOU don't like porn . Don't use it. Don't assume all women are coerced. Some of us , quite frankly enjoyed doing it and would happily do the same again. Do not presume to speak for everyone.

I don't like porn, not from a worrying about my boyfriend looking at other women. But from the way that sex is portrayed and I do think it has a very negative effect on teens in particular who have no other/real experience of sex.
I've also read a few articles from porn stars perspective and it really sounds grim and that a lot of exploitation of the women in particular goes on!

I also don't think the Op saying she doesn't like him watching porn, is in anyway the same as saying he can't have a wank.

I'm glad your dh has listened to you op. In regards to pregnancy sex, are you still being intimate? Would he be open to you helping him along, if you'd want to?

How about comparing it to sexting someone else kitten would that be ok in your opinion?

Why do all the thickos confuse porn with masturbation?

It's very odd.

I also do not like porn, it isn't harmless. And worry that teenage boys are exposed to it, which informs them culturally about sex. Rather than the gradual learning that happened in the 'old days'.

As to sex with a pregnant partner - yes yes yes, each to their own. But I think again something is in the air in the culture. It irks me that in most dramas it's stated 'yes, we obviously aren't having sex as you're pregnant.' Why so obvious? Whats so icky? Hormonally something got triggered with me and I wanted sex all the time when nausea finished right up to going into labour. Dp sadly much less so. It's obviously up to individuals but I wish it could be stated abit more culturally that some women would like it and it does NOT harm the baby.

Don't assume all women are coerced.

No one assumed this. What has been said is that SOME women are coerced and raped and that you can't distinguish which ones are and which ones aren't from one porn video to the next. Which is a very valid concern.

Maybe try reading what people are actually saying instead of jumping the gun.

And also, why would you even want to continue watching porn when there's a very real chance that you could be getting off on someone being raped or coerced? Or does that not matter as long as you get your orgasm?

Don't assume all women are coerced.

But you seem to be assuming the opposite - or does it not matter that is it only "some" women that are coerced. Just because it was ok for you, does not negate the fact that for many women it is not. The OP is perfectly reasonable to not want her partner to use porn - I wouldn't either, just like I wouldn't want him to be involved in other dubious activities which often involve exploitation of people esp minors e.g. drug use. Masturbation on the other hand, doesn't hurt anybody!

Well said Allegretto!

Some people seem to think because it's easily accessible then there's nothing wrong with using it, there is, for some of us anyway.

Each to their own, I've no problem saying porn is excluded from my relationship and yeah, I'm still cool.

Well this all took a bit of a turn. I stated in my pp that I know some people are fine with porn, both for themselves or with their partner using it. I am not. After a full and frank discussion with my husband he understands and respects my views and is perfectly happy not using it. He does not think I am being controlling in the slightest.

Well done op, and her dp :) nipped a potential issue in the bud with civilised and well reasoned conversation. I'd take my hat off to you both if I where wearing one