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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have done the right thing haven't I?

75 replies

Disappointed6789 · 20/06/2017 12:55

Boyfriend of a year recently kissed an old crush from childhood. She has been chasing him ever since. Doesn't seem to give a fuck about me and is probably gloating that I'm now out of the way.

He says it was a total mistake. That the minute she kissed him (yes, he insists SHE came on to HIM) he knew it was all wrong. But she has not stopped messaging him and trying to meet up ever since.

His family know her and are extremely fond of her. She has begged him not to tell his parents about her kissing him whilst he was in a relationship. They see her as some sort of fucking angel which pisses me off no end right now.

I have told him in no uncertain terms that it is over.

But I can't help wondering if I am overreacting. Is a mistaken kiss such a deal breaker?

Please tell me if I'm doing the right thing by ending what was otherwise a lovely relationship over a kiss.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 21/06/2017 14:16

Utter bullshit he has told you OP, she never made him do anything, he got inside her with his own free will, fuck all to do with her cancer either.

You must be mad to believe his crap, I can't actually believe you are considering seeing him; he'll do it again, probably with some other woman that over powers him.

AdalindSchade · 21/06/2017 14:17

Lol what a load of bullcrap he is feeding you
You would be mad to stay with him after this, the lying, cheating, cowardly prick

Adora10 · 21/06/2017 14:18

That's why he was pretending to protect her, he was protecting his own sorry arse.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 21/06/2017 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hissy · 21/06/2017 14:30

Wow, so he didn't just kiss her, he cheated on you with her, before she told him about the cancer?

Well cancer or not, she's a heartless cow and he is a weak and pathetic wanker.

Tell them both to ftfo

I'd not want to be in that family scenario either, where the MIL wishes you were her etc.

What a crock of crap that family is.

Original poster
Disappointed6789 · 21/06/2017 14:32

That's harsh. I'm only human to feel the way I do, if only it were as easy as switching off your feelings when you've been in love with someone. I'm hurting and flaming me isn't helping. I posted for support and advice. Not a kicking.

FWIW if you want to report my post please do so. I'm a regular on MN but NC'd for this thread. But by all means call troll if you want.

OP posts:
DrJZoidberg · 21/06/2017 14:32

Oh dear :( doesn't really fit the "realising as soon as they kissed that he didn't want her" narrative, does it?

Him saying he wants you has nothing to do with realising how he feels. He wanted to shag the woman he's always had on a pedestal and now he's done that, ticked that box, he's quite happy to carry on with you.

Original poster
Disappointed6789 · 21/06/2017 14:33

That post was for Tooearlyfordecorstions

OP posts:
Original poster
Disappointed6789 · 21/06/2017 14:37

Hissy no, he knew about her cancer when it was happening a year ago. When they met up recently, she started crying about it all and made a move on him which he fucking well went along with.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 21/06/2017 14:50

Oh please wise up OP, you can't believe him, he probably made all the moves and is saying she is chasing him now when in fact she thinks they are in a relationship; he's made a complete arse out the two of you.

Yes, you have feelings for him, but his for you are completely fake; he's still stringing you along, why are you believing him, he's a known liar and cheat and has spun you a load of croc.

category12 · 21/06/2017 14:58

Uh-huh. Well, you'd be very foolish to go on with this relationship. Nothing but drama and pain lie ahead with it.

Tatiannatomasina · 21/06/2017 15:00

1 year down the drain or potentially the rest of your life..... he has shown you who he is. Listen to him.

snoopypoodle · 21/06/2017 15:06

It must be hard for you OP I feel for you Flowers

Personally even if I wanted to I know I would not be able to stay with a man who was able to physically connect with someone else whilst being in a relationship with me. I would have the image of them two in the act replaying over and over in my had and it would drive me insane.

Adora10 · 21/06/2017 15:19

He barely made it to a year before cheating.

Hissy · 21/06/2017 16:16

They deserve each other

Please don't lower yourself by accepting this

It won't be the end. His family will lie for him

Leave now before you mess up your life by blighting a child with him and his clan as parents/relatives

HundredMilesAnHour · 21/06/2017 16:28

Oh OP I'm so sorry. He sounded like he had the potential to be a good guy but there's a big difference between a kiss and sex, and lying about it all this time. How could you trust him after this? No wonder she was chasing him. Hardly surprising since he'd shagged her. She must have been wondering why on earth he was still seeing you. Sounds like he's messed both of you around.

MrsPeelyWaly · 21/06/2017 22:09

OP, you must be feeling dreadful and I hope you feel better soon

Original poster
Disappointed6789 · 21/06/2017 22:40

It is difficult right now and I'm hurting but I'm trying to stay focussed on the future and what I want in a partner.

I know that MN can be a tough place at times and some of the messages here have been quite brutal. Being called a mug or troll when you're trying to navigate your way through heartbreak isn't exactly the most sensitive way to help someone. I'm never sure what the motive is when a poster does this. Do you just enjoy kicking someone when they're down? Or don't you care about being thoughtful as long as you get your opinion across with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop?

But I wanted to thank the posters who have been kind and shown compassion on this thread during what has been a rough few days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Disappointed6789 · 21/06/2017 22:43

I've just seen that the offending post has been deleted. Thank you MNHQ. Appreciate it.

OP posts:
newjobsoon · 21/06/2017 23:36

you are being manipulated OP but you know that. He's cheated on you that's all you need to know. All this drama just muddies the water. You haven't been together long so get rid. Don't listen to his bullshit. It was an easy shag on offer or maybe he's been seeing her the whole time.

newjobsoon · 21/06/2017 23:37

men always always say the woman was chasing him. Poor him.

Whocansay · 22/06/2017 07:34

Poor love. A woman throws herself at him, so he just had to fuck her didn't he? He had no choice, clearly. Hmm

By his own admission he chose to have sex with someone he knew to be vulnerable and continues to keep her dangling by not cutting contact. These are not the actions of a decent human being. Bin and cut him off. If he's doing this now, what will he be like in 5 years? He's so helpless that he can't resist it when a woman throws herself at him. What's to stop him doing it again and again?

Bonez · 22/06/2017 13:28

Sounds like he's never going to block her from his life. He's shown you who is more important to him unfortunately. You deserve better. Cut ties.

Bosabosa · 22/06/2017 13:38

Op, I am so so sorry you are going through this. I have had two boyfriends who always made me feel insecure with certain women (flirting , overly friendly) and when I was with them I was worried and insecure and always wondering what they might do. I am now with my husband who does not behave in this way and I never worry - it is so liberating .
There is a life where you don't have this cloud of concern over you- it just isn't with him.
Good good luck xxxxxxx

HmmOkay · 22/06/2017 13:48

It isn't the cheating that is the worst thing. Honestly.

It is his behaviour afterwards. Constant lying and minimising to you and then eventually coming clean - and blaming her for it. He won't even stop communicating with her. It is the behaviour of a cheating coward who still wants to keep his option open.

He's done a horrible thing and taken absolutely no responsibility for it.

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