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Original poster

Men: y u do dis?

50 replies

Thiswillbemyusername · 20/06/2017 00:30

I have a question regarding men. Should probably ask a men's website but I don't know any so that's why I'm asking here because I asked Google and that gave me no answers.

Why do men mention how hot their mates girlfriends are? I've just had a second date with a guy and he said that his mate was punching above his weight, and he had this look in his eye which was like 'ive thought about doing her'. This has happened before with another date I've been on with a completely different guy

What I want to know is why the hell are they telling me this? I don't want to know how hot they find someone else. Why tell me? Is it disrespectful or sheer stupidness? Any help appreciated thank you

P.S sorry about the thread title Grammar Nazis I saw a meme once with it spelt like that and I dunno I just like it

OP posts:
Original poster
Thiswillbemyusername · 20/06/2017 00:32

Here is a cat who expresses it better than myself

Men: y u do dis?
OP posts:
JustHereForThePooStories · 20/06/2017 00:32

I've never encountered this.

Where are you meeting these losers?

Original poster
Thiswillbemyusername · 20/06/2017 00:33

First guy was on match. Second guy was from school he's just left

OP posts:
BloodWorries · 20/06/2017 00:34

My DP has never done this. One of his many great qualities that should be the norm (IMO) but don't seem to be (IME).

I find it completely disrespectful. All I could suggest it doing it in response to him to see how he take it, 'yeah, I know what you mean, this lass at work is alright, but the guy she's with... I'd like to climb that!' or something, before starting of into space for a good 10 minutes. Of course in my head, this is funny because after he's said it to begin with I'd not want another date.

Patriciathestripper1 · 20/06/2017 00:34

Some men are just pathetic

ShoutOutToMyEx · 20/06/2017 00:39

Do you not call it out? Put them on the spot. Something like 'why are you on a date with me if you fancy your mate's girlfriend?'. They obviously have no problem making you feel uncomfortable, you shoud give them a taste of their own medicine.

Original poster
Thiswillbemyusername · 20/06/2017 00:42

I'm not good at standing up for myself when put on the spot. I just changed the way I was sitting and let it go for a bit but it's bugged me

OP posts:
LurkerMortificado · 20/06/2017 00:44

I'm going to go against the grain and say it doesn't bother me, I've had lengthy discussions with guys about what women we do or do not feel are good looking. Friends, boyfriends, you name it. I always thought it meant they were comfortable enough round me to be honest because to be fair, if they were planning on cheating they aren't going to tell me about the "fit bird" they are going to do it with first. Besides most girls when they get together chat about what guys/celebs they find attractive, I struggle to see a difference.

computerscream · 20/06/2017 00:55

A look in his eye? You're presuming

My brother has been known to says he's 'punching' with his girlfriend - i.e. She's amazing/gorgeous , what is she doing with me. Pretty sure he's said it about a mates girlfriend or two too - 'he's punching' - ie his girlfriend is a corker (in terms of attractiveness but more so personality)

My brother is in no way a dick. That's just the 'bantz' him and his mates have

Benefit of the doubt until date 3 for me Grin

CookieMonster54 · 20/06/2017 00:58

Have to say, as a man, that while we certainly do think this a lot, only the very dumbest amongst us would say it on a second date. Sounds like you've gotten a chap with no basic sense, god love him.

I will say though that I suspect this is not a "male" thing so much as a human thing. Y'all honestly going to tell me that if your friend introduces you to her new bloke, you're not going to cast your eye over him and see whether there's any basis for jealousy? Of course you are. It's just that women have enough emotional intelligence not to turn to their significant other and say "let me tell you, Sarah's new guy is a bit of all right".

In this case, you've found somebody who just lacks brains. One hopes he can make up for it elsewhere, but I personally place a premium on brains and would thus be concerned.

whattodowiththepoo · 20/06/2017 01:01

If I said a friend was punching above his weight I probably wouldn't be talking about looks.

zzzzz · 20/06/2017 01:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarmlessChap · 20/06/2017 01:57

Said it to a guy recently. He's a wanker to his GF, she should get some self respect and bin him but instead just gets upset and blames herself for his abusive behaviour.

It doesn't mean I fancy her just that I think he should realise how blessed he is to be in a relationship with her.

TheNaze73 · 20/06/2017 07:32

He's an idiot for saying anything. Of course he's thinking it & probably mentally fucked her as well but, I can't believe he told you? Schoolboy error

PotteringAlong · 20/06/2017 07:39

I've commented on the attractiveness or otherwise of my friend's boyfriends / husbands to my DH. It means nothing.

Original poster
Thiswillbemyusername · 20/06/2017 07:43

Thanks for your opinions on this! I'll give him benefit of the doubt on this one

OP posts:
HeavenlyEyes · 20/06/2017 08:02

Why give a twat like this the benefit of the doubt?. You say you are no good at standing up for yourself. So be single, get counselling, work on you self esteem. Anything but dating losers like this! You are just inviting unhappiness and more insecurity into your life if you continue with men like this.

computerscream · 20/06/2017 08:17

Only only on mumsnet can a man commenting on someone's gf being nice/attractive result in the OP needing counselling 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

(I have counselling and it's great but ffs)

Good luck op

Original poster
Thiswillbemyusername · 20/06/2017 09:30

I've been single for 3 years and I've had counseling before. If I have any problems they aren't going to go away with being single for more years and more counseling. I'll be alone forever at that rate!

OP posts:
anchor9 · 20/06/2017 09:33

i've had this and i do wonder quite what they are hoping to achieve or whether they are just tact/filterless. who knows. it's not really an issue. if he's an idiot (possible) you will hopefully know for sure sooner rather than later.

Chloe84 · 20/06/2017 09:44

My brother has been known to says he's 'punching' with his girlfriend - i.e. She's amazing/gorgeous , what is she doing with me. Pretty sure he's said it about a mates girlfriend or two too - 'he's punching' - ie his girlfriend is a corker (in terms of attractiveness but more so personality)

I don't think some posters get it. It's one thing telling your bro he is punching above his weight, or telling your DH his friend is 'punching'.

It's a completely different thing telling your date that his friend's gf is hot and that the friend is punching above his weight.

OP, I wouldn't give him the benefit of doubt. As Cookie says, inly someone dumb would do this. Or someone trying to 'neg' you.

Emboo19 · 20/06/2017 09:55

I don't think it's disrespectful Op.
I think most guys say it in a dig against their mates, in a jokey way. My bf's mates say it to him, and if we have pics together on insta some of the comments would be read as really rude. They call it banter.

I think saying it on a date is a bit Hmm depends how it came about, were you talking about his mates? Did you ask what the girlfriend was like?
I'm sure my bf would have said it before now, but can't remember specifically, I've certainly said it about his mates.

Original poster
Thiswillbemyusername · 20/06/2017 10:11

We were talking about his mates I can't remember why and he said this certain mate was punching above his weight and I was thinking just why tell me that? Surely that's a comment he should make to his mates not me. I didn't ask anything about her I just left it at that and he seemed oblivious to the fact he'd said something stupid.

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 20/06/2017 10:16

perhaps Cookiemonster can shed light on this - every man I've ever had a relationship with has made a point of doing this very early on in the relationship, letting me know the other people he finds attractive. And I have been out with some very intelligent people (academically speaking, possibly lacking soft skills though). Same as the OP only this has been every single relationship. What's this about?

mogratpineapple · 20/06/2017 11:31

Are you all quite young? The impression I got was of immaturity, both you, op, and the guys you're mixing with. You could just say "No! Don't want to hear how hot anyone is!" and leave it at that. If it makes you feel uncomfortable you really should say something or these guys will never know. You should never put up with feeling uncomfortable in any circumstances without doing something about it.