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Original poster

Messaging new guy

73 replies

Fireandflames666 · 18/06/2017 16:41

I met someone at an event two weeks ago and we've been in contact everyday since. However I've only been with one person prior to this (thirteen year relationship) and I'm finding it hard to work out whether he's interested as a friend or otherwise.

A fair few nights we've messaged in to the early hours talking about life, our issues and previous relationships. He messages me with problems asking for advice as well.

He's mentioned after a drink that he'd like to meet up, that I've a cute voice, that I'm attractive etc. But he hasn't asked any other time so i haven't pushed the point.

Help!?

OP posts:
Imbeingunreasonable · 23/06/2017 23:27

And there's nothing like MN to make me confess my dating nightmares to the public haha

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 23/06/2017 23:28

I'm confused by all of this 😂

OP posts:
Imbeingunreasonable · 23/06/2017 23:30

What? Him? I'm confused by him too.

If you're confused bunny ramblings that's also understandable 😂

Imbeingunreasonable · 23/06/2017 23:30

By my* not bunny ffs!!!

Although he was a bunny boiler 🤣

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 24/06/2017 11:43

Well......he messaged me last night apologising for saying no and that he's just afraid of ending up in another bad relationship. He's invited me out on Sunday.

Takes a good person to say they're afraid.

OP posts:
Imbeingunreasonable · 24/06/2017 12:04

Hope he's legit OP

AlcoholandIrony · 24/06/2017 12:16

I think I'd be cooling this off now, if it were me

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 24/06/2017 13:25

Why cool off?. Just out of curiosity.

I hope so too, but I'm easy. What happens happens...

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 24/06/2017 14:03

Well youdone say you're easy either way and he's completely non committal, although strangely then refers to having a bad relationship as if a drink means instant Involvement. Neither of you sound too arsed either way to be honest so perhaps why bother? It seems you have a common or garden text relationship and there's plenty of those about.

AlcoholandIrony · 24/06/2017 16:01

To me It sounds more like he's interested in flirting with you. Then declines an invite for a drink. As pp said - it was just a drink. Didn't mean instant involvement. Then continues to message you.

It's the flakiness that would put me off. I don't think I would have the energy for that OP Wink but if you like him and both are interested in continuing to message, it doesn't do any harm.

I just remember what it was like to be the person that someone would keep on a string even though there was nothing going on.

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 24/06/2017 19:04

I'm feeling a bit lost now, lol.

I'm fairly confident that it's genuine interest. I trust my gut.

OP posts:
nina2b · 24/06/2017 19:17

Trust your instinct. Enjoy your date!

lobsterface · 24/06/2017 19:21

Enjoy your date but be careful.

Imbeingunreasonable · 24/06/2017 23:12

Enjoy your date op Smile

YellowAardvark · 25/06/2017 10:13

I've been in this situation too OP - constant messages but less desire to meet up. It's hard to understand and has left me confused also. I still don't really understand it at all, nor do I like the uncertainty. I can work with interest, I can work with disinterest, it's that part in between that I hate.

My theory was it's either:

  • they are interested, just not 'enough' if that makes sense - but interested enough not to let it slide and let you go
  • Being friend zoned
  • They prefer messaging as are more in control of conversations that way/can be a different "persona" online than in RL.

But .. overthinking it does not do one any favours!

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 25/06/2017 13:49

That's what i though and surely there's nothing wrong with giving him a chance?.

OP posts:
YellowAardvark · 26/06/2017 01:06

No nothing wrong with giving him a chance - I still in touch with my similar person as well so we can swap notes Grin

I think though for me the key thing is to try and ignore "signals" I get online and only really believe the ones I get in real life if that makes sense? It's hard though, but as they say on the dating thread, "it's BS until it actually happens."

TheStoic · 26/06/2017 05:09

I would be running a mile in the opposite direction.

If it's not an enthusiastic YES, it's a NO in my book. Especially if was literally a No to start with.

Don't expect him to get any less confused, or confusing.

BigYellowJumper · 26/06/2017 05:26

If relationships are not easy in the beginning, they don't get any easier with time.

When someone tells you who they are - listen. This guy is telling you, loud and clear, how he'll treat you if you get together.

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 26/06/2017 07:36

Well i bailed on the date. Too scared to bother now, don't want to get hurt. He may be genuine but if he's that interested he'll show me that won't he?.

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 26/06/2017 08:05

Yes. He's not interested in actual dates and he said so upfront. Cant fault the guy. Maybe find someone else to text now that might go somewhere and naturally your interest in keeping in touch with him will fade 😊

ladystarkers · 26/06/2017 12:50

Let him work for you if he wants you. You have done the right thing.

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 26/06/2017 12:59

Yeah, i think I have. He's still messaging so we'll see, lol.

OP posts:
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