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Original poster

Would you cheat if your truly loved your DP?

46 replies

CupCakes00 · 18/06/2017 12:15

Just that really. Would you really have sex with somebody else if you truly loved your DP?

Having been cheated on by my STBXH, it makes me ask the question.

Do certain excuses warrant cheating like being drunk or it was handed on a plate.

Just wondered what MN thoughts were on cheating.

OP posts:
NoParticularPattern · 18/06/2017 12:27

Really?! Why is this even a question?

No. Never. No excuses.

Tearsoffrustration · 18/06/2017 12:29

No

BadToTheBone · 18/06/2017 12:29

I am of s differing opinion. It's never as easy as blank and white, people cheat for many different reasons and can't be pigeonholed. I believe you can cheat on someone you love. I'm not saying it's the norm, but in some cases, yes.

JustAMusing · 18/06/2017 12:30

I think the MN thoughts on cheating are already well documented on here.

DuggeeHugs · 18/06/2017 12:31

No.

I'm sorry he's put you through this Flowers

HoldOnHoldOn · 18/06/2017 12:31

I've often wondered this too. Is it really that cut and dried? And is a one off event equally as wrong as a relationship sustained over several months?

8FencingWire · 18/06/2017 12:34

It doesn't matter if he loves me. I would stop loving him if he did that. Wondering if he loves me, or why did he do it....that's just wasting more energy.

NotMyStory · 18/06/2017 12:36

I can't see that I'd be in a position to do so, I want sex with commitment, within a loving relationship, that doesn't just happen without knowing what you are doing.

Athough you asked "truly love your DP" and I suppose you could be in that position but the relationship could be unhappy - they might not love you or might be abusive, you still truly love then but I could imagine in that situation you could cheat.

barrygetamoveonplease · 18/06/2017 12:36

No, don't think so.
The problem is that when you meet a new person, or become involved in a new way with a person you already know, the novelty and excitement of that relationship develops precedence over the background relationship.
So, thinking in abstract, no, never be unfaithful.
But in the moment... who knows?

yetmorecrap · 18/06/2017 13:22

I thinks it's fair to mention too that it depends on the definition of 'cheating' , for some it has to involve physical sex , for others it does not always involve that , both from a 'cheaters' angle and their partners point of view

TheNaze73 · 18/06/2017 13:38

Amazing what different responses two different threads get about infidelity.

I do think you could have been with someone say 10 years & then bolt out of the blue find someone you are more compatible with, more engaged with & more attracted to. You don't fuck them though if you're in a relationship.

AnnaNimmity · 18/06/2017 13:40

No, I can't see how you would have sex with someone if you are in love with someone else. And you certainly can't be if you do it repeatedly.

Maybe I'm naive, but I don't even look at anyone else when I'm in love, no matter how drunk I am.

NellieFiveBellies · 18/06/2017 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToeInTheWaterSlowly · 18/06/2017 14:14

The problem with questions like this is that there is no single universal definitely of "love" let alone "truly love".

It means different things to different people and different character types. It can mean anything from care and affection to lust to sexual obsession.

For this reason, answers are meaningless because you aren't inside the other person's head.

Put simply, of course is it possible that a person who "truly loves" another may cheat on them - alcohol, sexless marriage, act of revenge because they'd been cheated on. Humans aren't rational "computer says yes" type machines. Good people do bad things.

Think of it this way - would you ever ask "if my partner truly loves me would he ever argue with me?" . No one rational would ask this because human interaction involves disagreement AND upsetting people you care about. It doesn't mean you don't love them and don't care. It means you are human.

That's not the same as saying flagrant repeated infidelity = love to be clear. That's not what I'm saying.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/06/2017 14:16

Agree with BadtotheBone, it's not black and white and whilst cheating is never a good thing, it's not as simple as saying that "if you love your partner - or they love you, it would never happen". That's just smug - and untrue, however much people want to argue otherwise.

I have no idea what the hell 'MN thinking' would be and don't want to know either. We're individuals here, not a flock of mindless sheep. Confused

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/06/2017 14:18

cross-posted with the brilliant post of ToeInTheWater. It really explains very well.

Mylittlestsunshine · 18/06/2017 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoseVase2010 · 18/06/2017 14:26

No. I couldn't and if I could it wouldn't be true love.

surferjet · 18/06/2017 14:32

No.
If you cheat on your partner you don't love them. You might really really like them & feel comfortable with them, but you don't love them. It's the ultimate betrayal.
( all couples argue - that's normal. comparing annoying your dh by nagging a bit to annoying your dh by having sex with the milkman is bonkers )

Pinkheart5919 · 18/06/2017 14:36

No

If you love the person you are with you don't go shagging someone else.

Sex doesn't just "happen" as a lot of cheaters say, you always have a choice to walk away.

WinchestersInATardis · 18/06/2017 14:45

No, if you truly love your partner you'll respect them enough to talk to them and work on your relationship if there are problems.
I don't doubt that many cheaters believe they love their partners and it's just sex, but if you truly love someone you won't risk hurting them for something as shallow as a little sexual gratification.

Zebra31 · 18/06/2017 14:53

No. Never.

it was handed in a plate.

What does that actually mean and who believes that sort of rubbish as an excuse anyway?

LedaP · 18/06/2017 15:50

No i dont think you can.

I could not intentionally go out of my way to hurt any of the people i love.

How can you love them and betray them at the same time?

Tiare · 18/06/2017 15:56

I used to be very black and white about the issue. Oh no, it's terrible, only bad people do it blah blah blah.

But then my heart was broken when my love-of-my-life DH simply stopped loving me. He barely speaks to me, doesn't look at me, mostly raises his voice and yells angrily about ludicrous things ("We didn't visit your mother on the 14th, it was the 15th!" "It is not 'probably quarter to four', it is 4.42!") and eventually it cumulated in him bellowing in my face 'you are nothing, you are nobody' and 'Yelling at you is the only way to get through to you' when it transpired I had washed his darker blue jeans and not the lighter ones he secretly, unspokenly, had desired.

So, I dunno, what now? I suppose spending the next 50 years tiptoeing around the house is terribly appealing to some people. The other camp are thrilled at the LTB prospect, where me and my children can go and live in poverty (we will not get a penny) off tinned beans in a council flat, they'll really appreciate me for that one, while moneybags-Disney-Dad drives them off at weekends.

Frankly I wish he'd cheat on me and then fuck off to wherever.

Make it easier.

LedaP · 18/06/2017 15:59

Tiare i am sorry you are going through this.

But its clear you and dh dont love eachother anymore. So its not relevant to the OP.