Been dating someone, mental health issues just become apparant...what to do

[user1471441613]

So, I've been dating this guy for around 2 months, all has been going well. I've taken it very slowly, we've had about 5 dates but these have been spaced over about 10 weeks.

Daily chat and communication - there have been no red flags at all until this week. He's good company and fun. We are on the same page, both 40's, 2 kids each and looking for a serious relationship.

All good so far...until this week. Out of the blue, last night I had a message saying that he's not good enough for me, I don't need to take him on, he doesn't need anyone etc. Swiftly followed by a photo of his arm which he has self-harmed.

I genuinely don't know what to say to him - but I know I need to walk away. I've never dealt with anything like this before. I've had a tough few years myself with a divorce and a relationship break up, and have had to be very resilient to get my life back on track. At the same time, I feel horrible just walking away. Thoughts?

Keep all communications as evidence
Just in case

Well done for having such robust boundaries. As others have said the way he has deliberately used the self harming to try to suck you in to his drama is very dangerous and disordered. People that behave like that are sponges, taking and taking and never satisfied. He needs therapy and not to go anywhere near another date until he has seriously worked on his issues.

He was right when he said he's not good enough for you. He's not!

Think you handled it really well. Well done.

Completely agree with Ada - op hope all the responses have helped With this dodged bullet.

Take it from me. You don't want to get involved. I have been and still kind of am. It has been wearing me down. I seem to attract these types. My ex had a lot of mental health issues. I would have probably been married with a baby by now had I not wasted time on him (3 years). He was a narcissist with manic depressive disorder and BDD. He constantly had breakdowns about his balding hair. I was constantly trying to reassure him. He threatene suicide constantly. He's on benefits at 30 and living with his mum who does everything for him.

I love who I'm with now but he has issues too. It wears you down after a while. My current partner has sent me pics on whatsapp of a noose. It's just horrible.

It's not your responsibility to fix them.

raindropstea, he's sent you photos of a noose? What can you even say to that?

Yes, I was already finding myself having to reassure him about himself....really?

The whole week has been utterly bizarre as he's clearly on the brink of something.

5 dates in should be the fun bit, not dealing with stuff this heavy.

I'm just so glad he showed his hand (arm) when he did...

I'm very sorry to hear about his problems, but I also think you had a lucky escape.
It begs the question, if he does this sort of thing to you after 10 weeks, who knows what he'd be doing after 10 months or 10 years?

Wtf is so wrong with these people that they will send pics of their slashed arm or a noose to innocent friends and partners. It is so incredibly childish and manipulative and selfish. Yes actually I think that above all other things it is so selfish and self centered.

They must specifically go after a certain type of innocent victim that they suspect will bend over backward trying to carry them and help them. These people are predators and vampires and they don't care that they have sucked all the life and light out of someone else.

Yes, etguar, you are exactly right. I wish I had realize it then. I feel so stupid now looking back. I was financially abused and he sucked the life out of me mentally, emotionally, financially. I'm still not myself. I was too innocent and wanting too much to believe that he was good. He isn't.

I suffer serious mh issues and have self harmed etc but him sending you a picture is more like attention seeking. I'd walk away op

I'm so sorry to hear that raindropstea

These people are emotional vampires just sucking support and attention out of everyone around them. And you are absolutely right they are NOT good people because good people wouldn't cause so much damage to other people.

My poor bil is getting to the point that he's nervous to go home because he doesn't know if he'll find out she's jacked her job in or been shouty with the neighbours or just lay in bed smoking all day.

Thanks, etguar. I think part of the issue is people like me so desperately want to be loved, have the relationship that finally clicks, etc... it makes you willing to tolerate stuff you shouldn't. I ignored a lot of red flags. People like this can make you feel sorry for them.. they are master manipulators. I've read some articles on it and empaths or highly sensitive people (I'm highly sensitive) often fall victims to narcissists and people who are manipulative etc.

I feel bad for your brother. She sounds like a ticking time bomb.

It's horrible that these people hunt down and target lovely people like you. It's so calculated and selfish of them and shows they can control themselves when it suits them to get exactly what they want. They are poisoned narcissists congratulating themselves on what a great relationship they have because they are always getting what they want

but to everyone looking in it's actually a really abusive relationship with one half under constant abuse which is disguised as love.