New neighbor is convinced DH is cheating on me because I’m the only woman he’s been with sexually

[tearsandflowers]

I’ve only slept with one man. DH has only slept with one woman. I’ve been with DH for over 40 years. We got together when I was 17 and he was 19. Fell pregnant with twins at that age, too. I had experienced sexual stuff with boys prior DH, but never intercourse.

I was disowned when I was pregnant and DH was an orphan so he had no family. Being young parents and being on our own was very difficult. We had our moments of great arguments and disagreements (those first couple of years – woo boy!) but at no point did we ever feel we were on the brink of breaking up. We loved each other, and the fact that our sons needed us to be at our best definitely reinforced our union.

We have a new neighbor. She moved in 3 months ago. She has been divorced 3 times. Right now she’s in a phase of casual dating. Last weekend we had a little together with some of the parents in the neighborhood at our house. Wine loosens the tongue, and we got talking. The topic ended up to I and DH’s marriage. The neighbor couldn’t believe that neither of us had been with another person.
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Three days ago she sent me a text – she’s convinced DH is cheating on me because “men are incapable of staying faithful to one woman for their entire life" (I find such a statement ironic since she did admit she cheated on her second husband). She said “men need to see different vaginas” (I’m quoting her word for word here!). She added that I should watch him closely.

I showed it to DH and we laughed for a long time. Yesterday, she sent me another text reiterating her stance. Initially I and DH found it amusing. Now it's just annoying.

She is after your husband. Make no mistake.

She is also quite mad. Distance yourself and never talk about your sex life with strangers

She's an idiot. And possibly jealous. I would say quite firmly next time, " You're entitled to your own opinion, but it's my marriage and we're both very happy. Please let that be an end to this nonsense, you're beginning to sound obsessed."

^^
What anyfucker said ...quite succinctly I thought

anyfucker has (as usual!) put the point across perfectly!

I don't know whether she sounds completely looney or a massive shitstirrer tbh!!

Three divorces makes her the expert on what sustains a good relationship??

I'd ignore, or I'd get your DH to text back a screen shot of her text with a message asking her to keep out of your relationship.

It's total bollocks that "all men cheat" The people who say that are usually people who've been cheated on and they want to make themselves feel better. The truth is some men cheat and some men are faithful same as some women cheat and some women are faithful. As AF says she's quite mad. Just ignore it and make sure your DH watches his back just in case.

I'd be concerned that she's now set out to prove that she can "get" him and prove herself right.
Just give her a wide berth

AnyFucker

Yeah, DH also suggested the same thing. That she is beginning to sound obsessed.

OuchLegoHurts

I haven't responded to either of her texts. DH says there's no point in giving such BS credibility. But if a third one comes then I will - and it won't be diplomatic. DH has always been the more diplomatic one.

tikkatoride

The funny thing is about her statement that "all men cheat" is her second marriage ended because she cheated on her husband. With his friend, no less.

What rac says is why I'd be a bit wary. We had a neighbour like this and it was really uncomfortable. She would loudly diss all men as cheating bastards then throw herself at all the neighbours regardless of if they were single or not.

Buttons comment - Three divorces makes her the expert on what sustains a good relationship??

send this if she continues with the post - says it all

I wonder who knows your DH of 40 years better, her or you?
Ignore and feel smug that you found a keeper and she didn't.

Fuck diplomacy, she hasn't given tact or diplomacy a second thought. I would tell her to fuck off as she's clearly a bloody car crash with relationships if she's been married three times.

I would also put as much distance between you and her as possible. Who says something like that to someone, particularly someone you've only just met? She's an utter loon.

DPotter

I actually wanted to send that message the second time around! But DH held me back, saying there's no point to escalating her silliness. But I'm losing my patience. I told DH that if she starts with it again, then diplomacy is going out the window.

Nope, do not engage with her. These people thrive on the effect they create.

Just think what sort of person would purposely and without evidence sow seeds of doubt in someone else's marriage??

A really sad and despicable one!

She's trying to hurt you and your marriage. I'd keep well away from her.

Perhaps she hopes to fuck your husband (and everybody elses) so wishful thinking on her part. She's judging everybody by her own low standards.

I wouldn't have any more contact with her. If she continues then your husband be the one to put her in her place.

i would ignore her and have no contact via text either, to send texts will just encourage her because to her mind she is winding you up and you are reacting which is what she wants. ignore, ignore and ignore some more.

DirtyChaiLittle

Indeed, despicable.

But she hasn't sown seeds of doubt in me. I've known my husband for a long time. And I know that she's actually quite unhinged. Her claims have as much credibility as someone telling me the earth is flat.

I agree with AnyFucker

Put some distance between yourselves and her.

Oh, and can you block her number so that you're not getting her texts?

shes just clearly a bit unhinged. Sometimes people cant understand that everyone isnt exactly like them with the same drives and outlook on life. She may not have been able to go through life just sleeping with one person... she may never have met a man who could either. That doesnt mean everyone in the world is like that!!!
Just ignore her. If she keeps on then tell her straight that you dont want her contacting you any more and any more messages like that you will consider harrassment.

Some people are total busybodies. I had a housemate who told my boyfriend that i was cheating on him when he was at work. He knew because he could hear me having sex during the day.
What was actually happening was that i had an aerobics dvd that i would do with my headphones on so as not to disturb anyone. Obviously he had just been creepily listening at the door to my heavy breathing.... My boyfriend thought it was hilarious but i found it really disturbing how invasive some people are. They have sex on the mind constantly and think everything that ever happens has something to do with people cheating on each other!!

I disagree withAF as she'd be giving you warning and I don't think she'd do that (unless of course she is incredibly stupid).

My money isn't on shit stirrer and/or genuinely doesn't believe people can be faithful as she's a cheater. She could be jealous of your situation or maybe felt you were being smug about your situation?

*my money is on shit stirrer

Either way I'd skip diplomacy and move on to totally avoiding her