Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Should I take him back after affair whilst pregnant?

74 replies

Amicrazy17 · 12/06/2017 20:33

Hi there

Looking for some advice / stories from people in similar situations.

My husband of 5 years (8 year relationship) had an affair for nearly a year during and after my pregnancy.

When our son was 5 months old he left us (and my DD aged 3) for the other woman.

He's now been gone for 8 months and he and the affaire have now split. He said he doesn't love her and wants to come home to his family. She is pregnant and he is having nothing to do with the baby.

I miss him a lot and I am thinking of taking him back, for me but more so for our children.

Any advice?

Am I mad?

OP posts:

ohfourfoxache · 13/06/2017 00:05

Erm.......that would be a no.......

Please, find your backbone and your self respect and tell him to go fuck himself. You and your dc deserve better.

Seriously, if you get back with this tosser you will live to regret it

disneykid · 13/06/2017 00:08

He left you and a newborn for someone else and now he's doing the same to her... and wants to come running back and you're considering it. Are you completely fucking stupid?

Also, if I were you I would make the effort for your child to meet the brother/sister if he (ex) can't be arsed with the kids. It isn't an ideal situation but the kids shouldn't have to suffer because of this.

Please don't take him back. He will do it again.

Ceebs85 · 13/06/2017 00:08

No no no no no no!

Do not allow your children to believe this is what a man is.

Do not allow yourself to be treated like this. Please.

Jimmymum · 13/06/2017 00:14

You will get up a basket case settling for someone who so little respect for woman or his children. Please be kind to yourself. It might help your self esteem initially but it will lead to pain.

HildaOg · 13/06/2017 10:33

He wants to come back because the relationship is over, he chose her the last time and when he finds someone else he'll choose them the next. Please don't put yourself through that again, you're worth so much more. There are many good men out there who will treat you well, don't settle for someone who will bring chaos and misery to your life, he's already done enough.

Adora10 · 13/06/2017 11:45

Are you mad? Unless you are a horrible bastard and the two of you can continue to fuck up your lives then go ahead.

But seriously, why would you even want to, he abandoned you and your child, now's he's doing the same to OW, what an absolute cunt of a man, I'd have literally zero respect for him anyway so it would be an easy no to that question, wise up OP, he's a twat of the highest order.

Underthemoonlight · 13/06/2017 11:52

It doesn't say a lot for his character that he had an affair when you were pregnant and walked out on you and your dd and baby of 5months now things aren't all rosy with OW who is pregnant he wants to come home! Think for a second he's behaviour towards the health of you and your unborn baby not to meantion his behaviour towards you your dd and baby and another unborn child. What happens if you get pregnant again. Sounds like he can't handle pregnancy or young babies so moves onto the next thing your just easy to go back to. No one does this to someone they love and care about, they just don't. Don't fool yourself he's not changed.

MrsELM21 · 13/06/2017 12:02

NO NO NO NO NO

MommaGee · 13/06/2017 12:04

I wouldn't forgive hon for cheating
I wouldn't forgive hon for leaving
I wouldn't be wit a guy who would treat his child like that. That baby is related to your children.

pointythings · 13/06/2017 12:34

Fuck to the no.

Go and get yourself some counselling to give you the strength to realise you can stans in your own two feet.

SparklyMagpie · 13/06/2017 12:45

Ewww no no no no! He has some fucking nerve !

And to give up on his new baby and do exactly what he did to you and his children

OhhBetty · 13/06/2017 12:48

NO!!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO! Aa million times NO!
Please. It will be awful. Get a good support network around you to keep strong. Do not engage in any conversation with him unless it's about your child.

EllenRipley · 13/06/2017 12:59

Please, NO. At the very least, a man who has form for abandoning his children with such ease is not a safe bet for the future, for you or your kids. Add in the rest of his behaviour and I'm only seeing a selfish, lying prize dick who has no business trying to play families with you or anyone other woman. He needs to learn a hard lesson. Do not make this easy for him - he will only bring more misery. Stay strong. X

Brahms3rdracket · 13/06/2017 13:44

No, you shouldn't even consider it. How can you be tempted to put yourself, and your poor DCs, through this again. No man is worth this and this one is such a selfish prick he should be forcibly castrated to stop him impregnating and abandoning anyone else.

happymumof4crazykids · 13/06/2017 16:12

Did you really need to ask that question? Think how he made you feel when he abandoned you and the children. He is now going to do that to another woman, Your children's sibling will never know their father(not altogether a bad thing going by your post)
Why would you want him back? How could you ever trust him again? What if he did it to you and your children again?

DawnOfTheMombie · 13/06/2017 16:15

What a fucking charmer! Gets women pregnant then ducks off and yet other women are still willing to be with these guys

FlyingElbows · 13/06/2017 16:21

What you should do is make a concerted effort to find a therapist and explore why your self esteem is so low that you would even consider it. She can help you understand what a stupid thing it would be and why it would send a very damaging message to your children.

Enteravalidusername · 13/06/2017 16:25

He's a cunt & you want to take him back?

He's abandoned his unborn child & you still want to take him back?

This isn't her fault, this is his fault.

Adora10 · 13/06/2017 16:27

I'd also not want him around my children full time displaying his selfish entitled ways; they can see there dad, don't make it easy for him, he's had it far too easy by the sounds of things already.

He wants to come back to his family, what a fucken joke that is, which one...

user1483617032 · 13/06/2017 16:28

Do you not have any dignity or respect for yourself? You shouldn't even consider it.

rainbowhere · 13/06/2017 16:28

Not sure anyone has asked this, but I'm assuming the OW pregnancy is actually his child? (If not makes an interesting twist to the split)

someoneelsestrolley · 13/06/2017 16:33

Not even if you're desperate!! NO

thethoughtfox · 13/06/2017 17:00

Why does he keep getting women pregnant when he clearly doesn't want to stay and build a family life with them?

Jimmymum · 13/06/2017 22:22

To be fair how this man has treated you has destroyed your self esteem. It's gives you some validation him wanting you back, but don't he will ruin you. This is not a nice guy.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread