What would your reaction to this be ?

[Donttakemeout]

Dp had a EA 5 years ago. We have gotten over it and moved in.
Last week, in conversation, he called me the other woman's name.
I didn't say anything and carried on as normal till he went to bed then checked his phone.
She had Fb messaged him asking to be friends and he has said" I'm firmly parked in the friends zone . But I doubt she ( meaning me) would see it like that. Leave it with me and I will sort it"
I'm absolutely raging about it.
He says I'm overreacting.
Help!!

Not overreacting IMO.
Massively disrespectful, if he has no reason to be in touch with her (work etc..) then I see no reason for it.

He clearly has zero respect and consideration for you, I'd evaluate that to mean he's clearly not even sorry or prepared to make anything up to you, he has some cheek.

Suggest if he is prepared to sort it so he can be friends with her you will sort it so his stuff is in black bags in the garden.

I've told him it's totally disrespectful.
In fact I've told him he has turned into a middle aged cliche!!

So he's planning to start / continue some sort of relationship with this woman behind your back ?

And blaming you - " I doubt she would see it that way " .

Nice.

Exactly! He is a total dick!

Of course you're not overreacting, he called you by her name and was communicating with her behind your back. Has he explained how he was planning on 'sorting' it?

Refer to him by another name until he apologises! But really you need to think about whether you can continue to be with someone who keeps breaking your trust.

It sounds like he's considering starting to talk to this woman again and it's very disrespectful

I've been through this. The secrets and lies are soul destroying. Always wondering what they're up to and what they really think of you. I'll never put myself through it again.

Wow. He's putting her wants before your needs.

But he's going to make you comply so she'll be happy.

He should have said "xxx wouldn't like it so, no."

She's obviously on his mind.

I agree with every comment.
Thanks for the replies

This is the time to go quietly nuclear. You need to leave him in NO doubt that there's no discussion here - in fact, he may already have blown it with you by letting this happen, and for responding the way he did.

Depending on what your home arrangements are start the ball rolling for a trial separation - don't know if you have children or not - but one of you leaving the house for a few days to have a think. If you can get away, so much the better. Inform him in a cool and even disinterested way. 'I've looked into staying away next week with Mum/friend/hotel. I thought we'd put all this behind us but if you can send a message like that, and have that kind of conversation, then clearly we're at a point that is fairly near my red line - if not over it. I'll need to be away for a bit, I really need to think about what I want.' Make him CRAP himself. If he doesn't crap himself - bin him.

I have been totally quiet. To be honest, I feel just empty. He is pathetic!

'I underreacted last time. You're a cheating fuckwit who got caught out again, you disrespectful prick. Still chasing your piece of arse, putting hers and your want for a cheap fuck over your family. You'd said you'd sort it, I'm more than happy to help you. Pack your shit and get the fuck out.'

What a dick. Have you told him you heard him call you her name? And then the msg?

So disrespectful on both their parts. what must she be thinking? Why after all this time does she need to push for 'friendship'?

I would go nuclear, I'd be absolutely furious, how fucking disrespectful! I'd kick him out, I'd like to think permanently but appreciate it isn't always as easy as that. You definitely need some time apart to think.

It was an EA. They cannot be friends.

And calling you her name is the biggest Freudian I've ever heard of.

I have told him he called me her name. He said he has no explanation for that

Did he have an apology for it?

Yes he said he was sorry and doesn't remember doing it

He's been in contact with her longer than he's letting on, that's the explanation.

I think so

He's bullshitting you and using classic 'you're over-reacting' gaslight bollocks when caught on his phone. He's rumbled.

Leopards and spots comes to mind

The world would never have seen such anger if my husband did this to me

"Sorting it out" means one if those fucking cliches where her name gets saved as "Jim" or summat in his phone. Where he takes the dog out for a walk/needs a pint of milk/ sneaks off for a cig/insert dodgy excuse of your choice to speak to her

If you sweep this one under the rug you are a fool

Once could be a mistake. Twice is simply a pisstake.

I totally agree with everything being said.
I am literally just sat here BROKEN