What would your reaction to this be ?

[Donttakemeout]

Dp had a EA 5 years ago. We have gotten over it and moved in.
Last week, in conversation, he called me the other woman's name.
I didn't say anything and carried on as normal till he went to bed then checked his phone.
She had Fb messaged him asking to be friends and he has said" I'm firmly parked in the friends zone . But I doubt she ( meaning me) would see it like that. Leave it with me and I will sort it"
I'm absolutely raging about it.
He says I'm overreacting.
Help!!

Who does he mean he is firmly parked in the friend zone with? That read to me as he means you, in which case he is implying your relationsip is now purely platonic. Hope I'm misreading it but if true he's angling for much more than an EA with her, or has lready gone there.

What expat said!

5 years. 5 years and he still hasnt stopped contact with her.

Holy fuck

What an absolute cuntbadger. I'm so sorry but you know what this means.

As others have said, he's prioritising her wants over your needs

I agree it is unlikely they have never had sexual contact, but tbh I don't think that is the main issue here

The biggest problem is the profound lack of respect. He actually and actively despises you, probably because you rolled over last time.

The relationship was over the first time he did it, love. The rest was just a matter of time.

Ooo angry for you!

This is exactly the kind of thing my Ex did. I found a FB message to his ex girlfriend once, they were not cheating but definitely getting into emotional affair territory as they were discussing our relationship. And then he said, that perhaps they could meet up, but
DH said that 'I (me) wouldn't like it, and could be a bit funny about (his Ex) - but just message him and he'd find a way around it'.

You see, I still remember it!! It's the totally horrible 'her that has to be got around' that is SUCH a betrayal isn't it. I am so angry on your behalf how dare he. I would let him have the full wrath of you and then go out with your friends while he wonders what the hell he's done. Asshole!

I also first thought he meant your in the friend zone, what would there be to 'sort' otherwise?

Friend zone is a very common expression with younger males (well younger than me) that means to miss the chance of getting into an intimate relationship with a girl and ending up forever and irreversibly just friends. I interpreted the exchange as:

Her: friend request = I miss you
Him: i'm firmly parked in the friend zone = we're not sleeping together and it's not going to change.
Him: i doubt she would see it that way = she thinks things are a lot better than they are.
Him: I'll sort it = see you soon.

Sorry OP but that's how it reads to me. Maybe im wrong but i dont think so. There is no ambiguity about "friend zone" unless he doesn't know what it means. Either way, you don't deserve it.

We're not sleeping together being him and the OP. The oldest line in the book for married people wanting to play away.

OP you sound quite cool about it Maybe its because you are at the stage where you dont give a fook any more and it wouldnt matter if he left anyway? Soooo,,maybe thats the best move?

"Off you fuck then"

Would be my response.

I'm so sorry OP. I think if it was me, all the trust would now he gone - to forgive him and get over it once is one thing, but is there really any way to trust him after this? You'd never be sure he wasn't talking to her, about anything you said. Of all people, she is the one he should know he just cannot chat to, it would never be OK.

social "However, he could also be a fucking retard and just not get that it is inappropriate?!"
A fucking retard? Really?

I hoped you managed some sleep OP.
I'd be kicking him out for a while until I got my head straight.
You just need a bit of space away from him.
Can you go to family to get some support?
Can he go to family to get out of your hair?

Slightly different angle but do you think he could've purposefully called you her name to test the water? To see just how nuclear you would go?

He's obviously trying to 'sort it'.

He's a dick. Leave him.

Social "Fucking retard" - massively offensive. Reported.

I think a bit of space might be a good idea