Hi
I would really appreciate some advice please. I've been in a relationship with a guy for a year. He's a great guy in so many ways but there are several things irritating me. I live on my own with my 4 yr old son and he lives alone in his own house
- He goes on a lot about how hard he works round his house and how much he has to do etc.. and has said in front of my son on a few separate occasions something which I dont like- round his he was in kitchen making us both a cup of tea and my son was "helping" - pouring in milk and my partner said "We're doing team work - working - whats mummy doing?" and again when he was putting up a shelf for me the day I moved home - "we're working hard aren't we?" And what's mummy doing?" right at the one second I was sat down - course my son said what he saw "nothing" - my partner said oh yeh "mummys doing nothing".
He once commented when after I worked full time all week with a migraine fri night - got to his sat morn and was very sunny - I got out my towel and lay on the grass to soak up some sun! He has a lovely garden and was watering his plants etc again he said that comment - and hes said before that when I'm at his (maybe one night a week I stay over and he stays at mine one night a week - he's said I should offer to help him in the garden watering pants etc or in general with anything when I'm at his if I see he's doing something - like watering - I said I'll of course cook, wash up, tidy up after myself but I'm not going to go round and help him with his chores on the only two days off I get a week. Of course if he needed help with something I'd do it.
In general I worry that he goes on about how hard he has to work in his house to keep it so nice (he has a large 4 bed and he is VERY clean and tidy. He's fine with my sons toys scattered round but he likes to be very clean). I worry if we live together and down line have kids he'd be type of man to come home - me on mat leave or working part time and him make comments like "whatve you done all day" and comment that I dont do enough round the house.
He's also made jokes before which I've told him I dont like "you greedy b*h" when I ate the last sweet and when I finished of a whole bowl fish and chips! Its clearly a joke but Ive said I dont like it. Altho the first time he said it over fish and chips I was stunned and he said "Im just joking - was trying to embarass you!" -
He's obsessed with his shower - expects me to wipe it bone dry after each shower to avoid water marks
We broke up 2 weeks ago but back together and I raised a few points - I said with the comments I cant accept them and he said its just a joke and he cant promise not to make them - its who he is and he wants to be able to joke in a social setting etc - I think he means jokes like "shes so lucky to have me, I work so hard, she has everything, she gets to work part time and doesn't do anything all day" all joking but I cant stand it
Hes said before "I'm such a catch and my ex could have had it all with me - house car holidays family" Hes a little arrogand and he has said before "I know I'm a little arrogant but I like it" - ive said for me arrogance is the worst trait in a person!
Lastly he hasn't given me a key to his house! He works from home a lot but on 1 occasion he had to leave for work at 7am - I was at his and I leave at 8am - he made me leave with him saying "oh we need to get up and leave by 7" I said well if it was my house I'd give you a key and u leave when u want! He has said I dont really need a key and that people lose keys and that he had a bad experience with an ex who after split he worried she'd let her self in etc... I find it insulting/patronising to be honest that after a year he wont let me have a key and has made me leave at same time as him. He has said I'm pressuring him into giving him a key and he said he doesn't respond well to pressure and he wants to do it in his own time etc ...
Lastly he earns a good salary but is in no way generous! I earn decent money and work full time so I dont want or need his money but he's stingey sometimes! His brother gave us vouchers for a posh meal out for xmas - we ordered a bit more and got charged £20 - he made me pay half - if my family gave us a present and I took him I would pay the extra not split it! Hes given me a memory stick to save our hol pics b4 and charged me the £6 for it!! Supermarket shopping once at the till he was getting a food shop in and I said I'd get a meal and wine and at check out for us to eat together at his and he said "is there anything else you want to get" - he'd got a few other bits like bacon that I would have had a bit of and bread.
He is ALWAYS late to meet me and doesn't always phone. He arrived 45 mins late to meet parents for 1st time - didn't even phone to say late!!! Then when he left he joked about something said bye and "remember, I'm not always right just MOST Of the time" - cringe!
then our first time out with HIS friends in a restaurant - 3 couples - bill came - it wasn't too much and ALL the other couples paid JOINTLY! I got my purse out - not wanting to assume and he worked it out and I paid him my share - in my view that was embarassing - I should have paid him back later when alone or he should have treated me! And next time I'd have paid for him! His friends have joked to me that hes a tight ar*e - so I'm not imagining it! He says his hobby is to save money, coupons etc , count the pennies - and that's how hes ended up with a 4 bed place and will retire by age 50 cos pumps all money into mortgage - never treats me really and if he does he goes on about how lucky I am!!!
Lastly! he's said on several occasions "I dont want to be taken for granted" - I DO NOT do that - hes said it several times. He says he does "so much for me" - he doesn't! My friends say he does nothing over and beyond what a partner should and whenever he does something - once fixed a tap he makes such a deal of it - ur so lucky to have me I'm so good to you etc.... he made me pay him back the 2 quid for the washer tho!!! My idea of a relationship is to put your all in and go out of your way and be kind and generous - not penny pinch and add up exact cost of everything - Im a generous person and I dont keep track. - after a first hol he sent me a spread sheet of all our costs - he'd kept tabs on everything down to the fact I spent £2 on water which we shared and for the can he spent £10 and I spent £5. He had paid for £80 for something on his cred card when we ran out of money and I said let me know how much you've put on your card so I can give you back half - he should have just said oh its x and I'd have paid him! Not send me a spreadsheet!
Hes a decent guy - very family orientated - wants what I want - settle down have kids etc would never cheat, trust worthy etc but he doesn't make me feel like how I think I should feel :-/
could you put up with his "jokes" am I being sensitive? Thank you if you reached the end! I'd really be grateful for advice and could you put up with this?? he wont change! Am I being to sensitive?? I've brought it all up with him and he wont change