He's just moved himself back in - what should I do!?

[MartinaMartini]

Just looking for some advice really...

Ive finally left narcissistic husband a week ago after more than a decade together. I'd put up with EA of me and our children, excess drinking, drug taking, pathological lying, gaslighting, staying out over night regularly, and then recently I found evidence of using prostitutes. This he denies but hard to tell what's a lie and what's the truth.

It finally dawned on me that there's no winner if I stay, despite all his pleas to change and telling me I'm exaggerating. I know the kids will be the losers and i dont want us to be living a half life any more. So I've decided to rescue myself and kicked him out. Feel my head is finally able to focus on the kids' long term MH without him able to sway me.

I've been doing really well and was feeling strong. Have had a lovely day with the kids and cooked us a lovely dinner to enjoy in the garden as per their request. Then the door bell goes. I answer and it's him. I had to remove safety chain to speak to him. And he demands to be let in.

Once inside he announces he's staying here the night as got no where else to go. Told him not my problem and asked him to leave. He does but takes my car! Comes back with beers. Then waltzed into the garden where me and kids are having out dinner to order a pizza in front of them!

He's now upstairs in my bedroom with his poxy pizza watching football!! He has announced that he'll be staying here when I go away for a few days this week.

I want to scream!!!! Hes just told me to get off my phone and look after our children!!! What should I do...really thought I'd done it and he'd finally bloody gone.

Thank you all for your posts and advice. He has now left. Not the slightest bit concerned about the emotional trauma on the children witnessing it. All about him. And ironically pleaded he had no where to go despite staying out constantly when we were together. The threat of the police being called and a night in the cells was thankfully a sufficient carrot for him to go this time.

You still need to tell the police what happened so it is logged. For future reference.....

I agree you need to log this with the police. I'd be very wary of taking the chain off the door in future if he turns up.

Get a non mol . See a solicitor first thing Monday morning.

He is entitled to 'break in' to the property if you lock him out on the proviso that he repairs the damage before leaving. (if house is in joint names).
I was told this by a solicitor last week as I am in the reverse situation of being locked out by my wife simply because she doesn't like me any more (almost divorced now anyway).

Yes, unless either has been violent to each other etc and a court orders them to keep away both peopekl in a couple hav a right ot be in the matrimonial home until the decree absolute and court financial order setting out the financial position.

Anyway this chap has left so I would concentrate on getting a divorce through and do make sure you get a court order or an agreed court sealed consent order on the finances too - too many people leave that bit of the divorce undone so everything is still up in the air as regards property etc.

As others have said, unless the OP or the children are in danger, the police will simply say they cannot remove him from his own property.

The OP is misleading when she says she has left him. What she's done is told him to move out of his own home, away from his children. And he's perfectly within his rights to not do so.

The only thing the OP can do is actually physically get her own place, rented in her own name, and not allow him access to it.

Other than that, unless there is DV, the husband has as many rights as she does. He's just as entitled to change the locks and call the police to have her removed as she is.

There has been DV. I will be logging with the police and seeing solicitor tomorrow.

Hang on,hang on,,first of all what is the status of this home? is it owned /mortgaged or rented? Does HE have a legal right to live there i,e is he part owner or on a rentl agreement?

If so then he has a legal right to occupy the property.

Legal rights and emotions are not the same thing.

If he can prove he has a legal right to occupy that property then the police cannot eject him.

The police will only get involved if he is potentially committing a criminal offence. If he is just peacefully occupying the property then no offences have been committed.

If he coninues to do that then, it isnt a police matter.

If he has a legal right to be there then dont think about changing the locks as you have no right to do so.

He sounds like a right douche x

"I had to remove safety chain to speak to him."

Why? You should be able to speak to someone with the chain on, thats the point of it.

"I had to remove safety chain to speak to him."

Was this by any chance because he told you to? You know, "Take off the chain so we can talk". Remember that he has you conditioned to unquestioning obedience. It will be your first instinct when he says anything, to simply do what he says. You need to start 'retraining' your brain. Please start questioning everything he says. And please, please start conditioning yourself to wait at least 10 seconds before complying with any request. Give yourself that 10 seconds to think "What is in this for him, what ulterior motive does he have?" and "What is best for me?" and make your decision based on what is best for you.

Definitely log it with the police. I was told to do this by a solicitor even for small things