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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's just not interested in me is he?

52 replies

EarlyWelcome · 10/06/2017 08:53

I've been with DP for about four years. We don't live together and have a long standing arrangement where Friday night is our 'date night'.

He has always had issues with his timekeeping but last night was ridiculous. He didn't leave work until 6:40, then went shopping for something for dinner (I had been in the supermarket after work and offered to pick up whatever he wanted to save time). Then he insisted upon watching three hour long episodes of a tv programme. He insists that I am quiet when the tv is on, as he hates any noise when a programme is on in case he misses anything.

We hardly had an opportunity to catch up on the last few days and he just didn't seem interested. I feel like I am having to work harder and harder to get his attention and spend time with him.

I don't think I'm acting like a spoiled person, I don't make huge demands on his time, but I don't want to be his fourth or fifth option with whom spending time is a bit of a chore.

Sorry, I just need to vent. Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
carolmusic · 10/06/2017 20:06

I would stop contacting him and see how long it takes for him to notice it then tell him you've had enough and you've moved on.

FavouriteWasteofSlime · 10/06/2017 20:16

Oh OP, you really can do better!

4 years and he hasn't said he loves you? 4 years? Can you imagine being like this in another 10?

You're wasting your life!

user1495484765 · 10/06/2017 20:37

I read this somewhere when I was doing all the work to try and keep a relationship going - never make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs. I have adopted this ever since (I let the guy go) and just would never do all the running ever again. (I am married, there was no game playing or effort when I got together with OH, refreshing after my previous experience.)

caffelatte100 · 10/06/2017 20:54

This sounds really dismal in so many ways! He sounds really miserable and ungenerous. I wouldn't give him a second chance or a chance to explain himself. You can do better than this, even on your own for a while....

carolmusic · 10/06/2017 21:29

You only get one chance at life, enjoy every day but don't waste it on people who take you very granted. Everyone wants someone who appreciates them and loves them and who make the effort to keep you in their life.

ladystarkers · 10/06/2017 21:31

Why do you see him once a week? Is he married? 🙄

Original poster
EarlyWelcome · 10/06/2017 21:34

We see each other about four or five days a week but we have agreed that Friday night is out date night. He's definitely not married! He's too much of a mummy's boy (he still expects his 80yo mother to cook him dinner one night every week).

I'm just not gong to contact him. I have had many G&Ts and feel much better for being out!

OP posts:
ladystarkers · 10/06/2017 21:35

Oh I see. There is someone out there who will worship you. You deserve better. Have a great night.

Original poster
EarlyWelcome · 11/06/2017 09:37

Oh no, I've got an awful hangover and am now actually panicking (heartbeat and sweats) that I will be alone forever. I'm hoping this is from the alcohol and nothing else because this is just not me (or wasn't until I got together with him).

Someone please talk some sense into me!

Meanwhile, he hasn't been in touch at all - probably won't notice that I'm not around until he gets horny in a day or so.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 11/06/2017 09:45

What you have now is The Fear. It will pass when your hangover passes.

I don't want to sound unkind as I think you sound lovely, but this man is not your DP and you don't really have a relationship. Just tell him it's over and move on.

You deserve much better. Being single would be far preferable than this half life you have now. Flowers

Trills · 11/06/2017 10:03

Hangovers often lead to existential dread. Don't make any decisions or do anything hasty til that goes away. Think of it like not shopping the day before your period is due. Your body is making your brain be silly.

Eat something salty, watch something awful on Netflix.
You haven't mentioned having children so I will assume that you don't and so you can coddle your hangover in peace.

carolmusic · 11/06/2017 10:49

Think I'd rather be alone and single than be with someone who only calls when they're bored, sounds like he has everything he wants, alone time when he wants, cooked food from his mum when he wants, booty call when he clicks his finger. Is this how you want your life to be, you are better than that and deserve far better than that. You need to get your life back and go out there and enjoy it without him, he's dragging you down and making you feel crap. You don't deserve that. Leave him to his very sad life.

AnyFucker · 11/06/2017 10:56

Date night ? You sat through that and still call it "date night" ?

Holy shit, you need to raise your bar

And a middle aged mummy's boy is way, way below it. So below it he should be outta sight

P1nkP0ppy · 11/06/2017 11:03

You're his FWB not a partner in any shape or form.
Quite frankly he sounds pretty revolting to me, I'd certainly prefer to be single than be treated like that!

MyOtherProfile · 11/06/2017 11:06

He sounds dull as dishwater. Time to move on and see what else is out there I think.

Teddy6767 · 11/06/2017 11:12

Why are you clinging on to this relationship? You say you're worried about being alone for the rest of your life.... why? At least being alone would mean you wouldn't be feeling like absolute shit all the time because of this idiotic man/child you currently have in your life.
You are young and there are plenty of men out there. You might not meet someone straight away but who cares! Use that time to work on your own happiness so you then feel strong enough to go into a new relationship with someone worthy.

SittingAround1 · 11/06/2017 11:16

He's just not that into you.
Cut him free, have some fun & find someone who will show more enthusiasm to be in a relationship with you.

MrsELM21 · 11/06/2017 11:18

He sounds rubbish OP, come on, you can do this!!

Onceafortnight · 11/06/2017 11:52

So you had to sit for three hours in silence so he could watch something you didn't want to watch. And you call that a relationship? Honestly I would rather be alone with the hangover than do that.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 11/06/2017 12:00

Early you essentially are on your own but you're saddled with a rubbish relationship. Get rid. Make Friday nights your "treat yourself" night. A bloke that expects his 80 year old mother to feed him is not a catch 😕

category12 · 11/06/2017 12:51

You're doing the right thing in getting rid of him - the way you're feeling is the beer fear. It will pass.

Original poster
EarlyWelcome · 11/06/2017 17:43

Thanks everyone - I feel much better now. The beer fear appears to have passed.

Listening to some Alanis Morisette and having a proper de-clutter.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 11/06/2017 18:06

He doesn't love you or fancy you, OP. You're probably just a convenient source of occasional sex to him.

Sorry.

springydaffs · 12/06/2017 00:15

So you're - or were please god - in a ' relationship' with someone who is at the developmental age of about 11. Not sweet like a 5yo with natural empathy, but a pre-teen who is obliviously, constitutionally selfish.

Meanwhile he has the er equipment and er needs of a full grown man. So he'll want to be servicing that dept any receptacle will do. And he'll have very generalised social needs - any bod will do, floating around in a hazy way in their vicinity to grunt at now and again. And cook their dinner, like magic.

Don't hang on to this rag of a 'relationship' bcs you're frightened of being alone. Really op, nothing can be as bereft as this.

Original poster
EarlyWelcome · 12/06/2017 20:31

It's over. He hasn't even bothered to get in touch in the last three days so he can do one.

Thanks for the wake up call.

OP posts: