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Original poster

Threesomes...

31 replies

hidingbehindthisname · 19/03/2007 19:51

Thinking of embarking on one ! Just wondered the after effects on a relationship
We are very open-minded in this department but worry that it may damage relationship

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 19/03/2007 19:54

don't do it. my best pal (honest!) had one with 2 MEN and said it broke her heart.

zippitippitoes · 19/03/2007 19:56

why would you be thinking about something which you worry might damage your relatioship

are you bonkers?

LilyLoo · 19/03/2007 19:56

Think you right to be worried, despite being open minded think it opens up many issues for example what if one of you falls for the other person or one of you likes it and the other doesn't ?

Megglevache · 19/03/2007 19:58

Message withdrawn

Original poster
hidingbehindthisname · 19/03/2007 19:59

why did it break her heart nickhtt?
i don't worry about falling for other person as we have true deep connection.
more worry about him starting up his jealousy thing again i suppose. more worried about him not dealing with it than me

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 19/03/2007 20:01

the only people i know who have done it have not been in proper relationships and have basiclly been to drunk to leave the room

QueenEagle · 19/03/2007 20:03

Friends did this - a married couple with another woman. Great fun on the night apparently but it opened up deep problems in their relationship from which they never recovered. He went on to commit suicide; although not firectly related - it did have a lasting impact on things.

Find another way to spice up your sex life. It really does not improve a relationship especially where their may be concerns already.

mustrunmore · 19/03/2007 20:04

It depends on a whole load of things.

You've already said it wouldnt be alien territory for you to have an openmided approach, so no worries there... unless you've only got an open mind, and never done anything 'unusual' before (in which case, you really wont know how its going to make you feel).

You also need to feel totally confident about yourself for the 3 way dynamics to work.

You also need to think about how well you know the 3rd person, and whether it'd be right for you to know them, or if you'd feel better with a 'stranger', the lattewr possibly helping get through any inhibitions you might have. If you know the person well, also think about the fall out if anything goes wrong.

And think about whether this is a one off, or might lead to more, and which of those scenarios you'd prefer.

Speaking from experience, if you've got the right frame of mind and experience, ie you're suited to it, I dont see that it would necessarily end in tears.
Sorry to flow against the tide there

lulumama · 19/03/2007 20:04

thread about this a while ago

genereal consensus was it would end in tears

if you already have doubts, then don;t

plenty of other things you can do that won;t damage your relationship

Original poster
hidingbehindthisname · 19/03/2007 20:12

Thanks mustrunmore. Interesting points. Feel am on same wavelength as you

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 19/03/2007 20:13

ok explain why and what you expect to happen

LilyLoo · 19/03/2007 20:15

Not sure this would be good for relationship though if he has jealous streak. How will he overcome that ?

mustrunmore · 19/03/2007 20:19

I'm suprised that anyone is on my wavelength You can CAT me to discuss it 'off air' if you think it'd help (if CAT works to receive when you're sub has run out ). I'm a good sounding board!

Original poster
hidingbehindthisname · 19/03/2007 20:50

Don't know how to cat and subs run out!
Do you/have you done club scene before... looking for recommendations!

OP posts:
mustrunmore · 19/03/2007 20:56

A bit out of things now I'm old and a mum Used to use Desire Direct alot though (magazine), and only ever had one small problem, which was partly due to not being very careful on my part at first. Got alot of good contacts through it.

rosie76 · 19/03/2007 20:58

Me and Dp have been thinking of trying this for four years, but looking at sites etc it looks really naff. Surely there must be a more tasteful way of going about it?

chocolatekimmy · 19/03/2007 21:20

I think its something best left as a fantasy. It might seem like a good idea for one moment but sit and have a hard think about the mechanics of it. The thought of actually going through it, the potential embarrasement and the effort to please - wouldn't be that relaxing I shouldn't think.

If there are jealousy issues then thats likely to be an issue in your relationship too. Also things like sexual health/disease to consider etc

HappyDaddy · 19/03/2007 21:33

If he had jealousy issues, you just know that he'll use it as a stick to beat you with for ever more.

And he'll conveniently forget that he agreed to it, too.

Especially if the other guy is better than him!

bananaknickers · 19/03/2007 21:37

Madame will be along in a minute.
Only way I would do it is if it was two men and I didn't give a shit about either of them. Wouldn't do it with someone I cared about.
I should be so lucky

twinsetandpearls · 19/03/2007 21:44

I think you need an incredibly strong and secure relationship TBH and the fact that you are raising concerns on here suggests that you know it would not be a good idea.

Rantum · 19/03/2007 21:47

A threesome, eh? I barely have time to contemplate a monthly twosome.

Nothing useful to say (sorry!) just in awe of any mother who has the time and energy to contemplate such a thing...

expatinscotland · 19/03/2007 21:48

It takes all my concentration just to stay focused with one.

lou33 · 19/03/2007 21:58

i think they only work if none of you are emotionally involved with the others

if you are then there is the risk that you could feel excluded/jealous/not as "good" as the other person etc

xenabelly · 20/03/2007 10:40

I had a 3some once, me, my boyfriend and my best mate - it was fantastic! We prearranged it, got drunk and did it - one of the best experiences of my life and definately a night to remember - was a right laugh and very sexy.

There were no bad effects, we still laugh about it (me and my friend) although not with boyfriend anymore but we stayed together for a year afterwards and it certainly didn't affect our relationship or contribute to the break up.

The only think i would say is that I wasn't madly in love with my boyfriend, liked him a lot and was very very fond of him, and we were all a bit sex mad at the time.

It was funny really that the only time i felt a little bit jealous was when he was snogging her, kept thinking he might be thinking she was a better kisser than me! How strange is that? I didn't worry one bit when she did the splits on his face!! TMI?? lol!

I think a lot of people on here are overly worried about it - i reckon it can be a very good thing!

GRUMPYGIRL · 20/03/2007 10:47

I dont have any moral reservations about his but really if your DH is prone to jealousy it seems like a recipe for disaster.

Are you thinking of involving another man or woman? How would you feel if you involved another man and hubby was more than casually interested...I was reading recently that men sometimes involve a man because they are "curious" and it is a way of getting over their inbred homophobia.