Please Explain This Message To Me (Online Dating)

[ToeInTheWaterSlowly]

I have recently started Online Dating. My profile is short and has nice attractive fun photos. There is a joke about enjoying procrastination. It is an unobjectionable profile.

I got this first message from a man (no previous contact):

"As if women aren't loony enough with their spaghetti wired brains and being congenitally mercurial, you have added more layers of fruit loop to the mix - Extraordinary!!!

[Something rude about my Username]

So you procrastinate whilst thinking of proscrastination? The thief of time -what a waste!

You sound a barrel of laughs and trying to find a bloke to match will be as useless as trying to find the Grail or Lord Lucan!!!

Give it up!!!"

Why would someone bother to type all this out and send it to a stranger if that was their view? Why?

I mean I fully understand that people have individual tastes which is fine - if you aren't interested, then move along. Why go out of your way to be nasty and hurtful?

It can't be "negging" because it is too unpleasant and not in the negging style. It's just pointless abuse. I'm obv not going to reply but why do it? No one would respond to that would they?

I know it's a random stranger on the internet but it has really upset me for some reason. It has really got to me. .

I think it's not for me I'm too nice and not thick skinned enough

Dont give up - there really are some decent keepers amongst the crap! Think carefully about which site to join.

speaks from experience

As if women aren't loony enough with their spaghetti wired brains and being congenitally mercurial

He hates all women not just you, so don't let it get to you. It's not personal. He doesn't know you.

I don't know what negging is. Will google it.

PLEASE don't respond. With anything, but yes do complain to the site.

He sounds like a winner op, whyever haven't you messaged him back with promises of undying affection??

Send this and block?

How much time do you want to waste thinking of this twat and 'allowing' him to 'get' to you.

Just let it go... just as RL - there are twats and there are lovelies - you just have to sift out the crap. You can't any spend time thinking about the twats.

If you reply he will have got what he wanted and will do it again.

Ignore ignore ignore. (his response isn't actually anything to do with you or your profile - it's completely to do with him and his wankerism.)

I tried old. It was just full of awful. 😷

Is it more upsetting to consider the fact these men were always there, you just didn't find out until you're were months in to the relationship? On the one hand you get to sift through loads of human garbage in one day which is mentally exhausting and on the other hand you get to save yourself the mental damage of actually dating or having sex with any of these men.

I am guessing the fact that I had a job that I could take a sabbatical from to home made me sound like I was up my own arse. TBH I was quit delighted that he advertised so publicly what a wanker he was saved me wasting any time on him.

It's negging. He's insulting you to provoke a response because he's such loser he can't get attention any other way. IGNORE, block and report.

it's called negging

it's a 'pick up artist' thing by that vile bloke who runs the courses. I forget his name

The idea is they get a response out of you by being negative/insulting then get you to come round by being nicer.

If you absolutely must respond, just send him the xkcd cartoon IWillCrushYou posted (I was going to look for it), with no other comment, then block and report. He's basically trying to get you to feel a need to defend yourself and get his approval. You absolutely MUST NOT. Don't even insult him. Ideally don't respond, but if you must, just send the cartoon and nothing more.

'Fuck off dickhead' should cover it.

(Silence is probably the better option though )

Yes the cartoon is good. He'll see you know what he's doing then. So it won't have worked. Then block.

Just ignore. Negging time waster.

Focus on the nice messages that you will inevitably begin to get and ignore anything that's not going to get you closer to meeting the kind of decent human being you deserve! Life is too short.

A lot of men are intimidated by clever/funny women.

And a lot aren't. You want the latter category. Ignore the ignorant, humourless wanker and move on. Be grateful that he showed his true colours early and you didn't waste time with a guy who tried to make you less funny and clever whilst dating!

Love love that cartoon.

I'm definitely not going to reply to it at all. No way.

It's knocked my confidence though stupidly. I had another guy today who after I did the "thanks but not a match" type response to his message sent me a message saying "well I'm not going to say what you look like" and then said "you act like you are something when you are not."

On top of all that today I got rejected from a job I really wanted.

My life is so shit. Single, getting online abuse from total strangers, basically am unwanted.

I don't have the spine or armour plating for this kind of shit. I feel so vulnerable. I really need a break. I wish just one thing would go right.

I couldn't count the number of men who resort to insults when you reject them. You were obviously good enough for them to show interest. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time but please do not allow bitter, basement dwelling bottom feeders to affect your self esteem.

Anything after 'As if women aren't loony enough...' can be safely ignored.

Both messages are from insecure little twats who don't know you. I believe there are a LOT of them on OLD sites, but that there are also nice guys.

You have to be able to shrug the twatty messages off. Just remember they don't know you & their messages are a reflection of them, not you.

Get someone who will be honest with you to have a look at your profile & see how it comes across to others.

I would actually reply and agree with him and then keep complimenting how clever he is etc and have my own private laugh at his replies and ego.

A wind up of some kind.

Op of course that was the reply from the guy. In rl these are the men who call women who turn them down in night clubs "slags" They're just fucking idiots.

I don't do online dating but if I did and got that reply I would love to use either Cake Cake Cheese's reply which is brill or I will crush you's which is equally brill!!!

Oh love, he's a twat. It's not you it's him!

Sorry I'd have to reply with "nice try mate, but not interested" and then block. Its nice to have the last word and not allow them a response. It would make me feel SO much better.
He has probably sent almost identical messages to hundreds of other women. Loser.

You're right not to reply. Why give him any reward for his idiotic message? He must have seen something that interested him enough to take the trouble to write. (Ok, so he was a dickhead, but the next one along may not be.)

The word negging is a new one on me! Just looked it up. Why would some men think that works on women?! If someone tried it on me I'd think they were a complete twat. No way would I think "ooh this man is too good for me I'd be lucky to have him" which is the reaction they are looking for I believe. Please tell me this kind of shit doesn't work on anyone!