I'm hiding in Starbucks because I don't want to go home

[Shannith]

Things have been bad for a while. I don't even know where to start without outing myself.

I have run out of people to talk to as I can tell they all think I should pull my socks up and get on with it.

I quit a 6 figure job a couple of years ago and have not really worked since. It's so complicated. DP was made redundant from a high paying job and is now a consultant. He hates it but does not want to go back to the daily grind.

But he expects me to. If I don't I know he will push for us to split.

He is total Disney dad and I am painted as the bad parent. It's getting me down so much I don't know what to do.

It's like nothing I do is good enough, so I hide away. Hence sitting in Starbucks so I don't have to go home and face the disapproval.

The worst thing is that it's affecting my DD (6) who now calls me stupid mummy. I am so crushed. How did it come to this?

I can't leave and he knows it. He is from a very wealthy family and would win in a custody battle. And the worst thing is that if asked DD would say she wanted to live with daddy. Because he does all the fun stuff and I do all the boring shit. You know, like cleaning the loos and tidying up their shit.

I went on strike for a bit a while ago and cracked because the house looked like a hurricane had hit it. So ground down. I don't think there is any way to rescue this.

10 years ago I'd be leave the fucking bastard. Not so simple now. I miss the brave 30 year old me. The 40 odd year old me is a shell of my former self.

And hiding in Starbucks.

I think at most he will get 50/50.

But what if the children went to live with them? Many fathers and mothers are the non-residential parent and it's not the end of the world for them or for their children or for their relationship.

What is soul-killing, for you and for your children, is staying in a poisonous relationship.

So hard and in a weird way inspiring to read your messages. You are right. I'm worn down and yes, looking after a 6 year old is hardly hard work.

It's just like it feels it sometimes. And I know it's the blasted bastard depression talking.

How I wish I could be that person.i am bored of being me.

I can work. And earn lots of money. The problem is that I can't because I'm a mess.

I hear tiny violins playing

You sound very depressed and focused on all the little negative things that really are trivial to all the amazing care you obviously do give to your child.

If it helps, I look after my 4 yr old and I feel like I have no identity. I felt lost and actually didn't know how to go back into work having been so long out of it, just completely lost my confidence.
I know this isn't the same as you're clearly under much more stress than I am and your husband doesn't sound supportive.

Could you set up your own business? I think you need a bit of independence and an identity.
I think you should go to your GP too

No tiny violins here. A great big one. You are depressed. That translates to not well. You can't get a high paying job until you are well again. To be well you need to gefnrid of the toxin.

Are you taking meds?

If you don't want to then consider seeing a therapist who can help you gain some perspective on your situation.

I believe in both chemical and circumstantial depression - you may well just have circumstantial depression - perhaps he has worn you down?

Can you take Vit D? Or expose your upper arms to 30 mins sunlight each day

Do you exercise?

Failing those things this board can help you decipher your marriage woes if you give more insight into the state of your marriage?

"I don't know where mummy planted the plants".

If someone paid you a six figure salary, you're either fucking hot shit or you can fake it enough to win an Oscar.

So you channel that and play right back. .... Oh, silly Daddy, he never pays attention and is so forgetful, isn't he? Darling, as I told you on X, y, and z occasion... We planted them right over there. Bit worried about your memory darling... Maybe see your GP about it?"

my x told me I was unhinged, told me to take happy pills.

I took lustral for 12 weeks and they gave me the leg up I needed to leave for good.

I recommend anti-depressants. Insight, growth, self-development, recovery, contentment, that can all come and will all come but you need to start again.

I read it back and I depress myself. I'm on 60gm mirtazapibe. And got viit D and B12.

OK. I'm going to have a cigarette and let it go for tonight.

Thank you. I've never posted about this before as was too ashamed. Feel better and a bit stronger.

Thank you

Please don't be ashamed - be proud that you are reaching out for help and support.

You are on a pretty hefty dose of that My dear. I really think you need to go back to your Dr and get it reviewed .Good luck

I'm not sure the problem is your DH, though he's probably not helping. You sound depressed OP and you need help with that. Pls go to your GP for help.
I also think finding a job would help start rebuilding you

Can you learn to drive? Do an intensive course? That would be life changing and useful forever.

How are you feeling today? @Shannith

Feel free to pm. I'm a few steps further down a similar road.

Have you been to Women's Aid?

Please find a good therapist who you can talk things through with and get some perspective .

Find a good solicitor and talk about your options

Get the hell out of that relationship . It doesn't matter what your partner earns or who his parents are, and there is no reason that he will get custody unless there is something you haven't mentioned on here.

This is no way to live, start to change things NOW. Hope you are feeling better today.

Shan that dose is heavy going, 60mg used to only be prescribed in hospital settings by my Doc a few years back iirc.

It's not causing lethargy is it? I was on it 6 month I had to come off it because it was miles too sedating. I was like a Zombie it was horrible.

That's interesting and shocking Unborn. Hope that information helps Shannith.

The guidelines could vary by area or have been changed since I was last in but the standard highest dose is normally 45mg.

(I'm not a doctor, just long time patient)