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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I Being Over sensitive

45 replies

Lolly34h · 07/06/2017 10:55

My partner doesn't like me going out without him. I wanted to go see a dear friend on Monday for a cuppa and a chat and he talked me out of it saying Wednesday would be more convenient. So I get up this morning get my children ready for school and say don't forget I'm popping out for a cuppa this morning. He said no I couldn't as he wants to spend the day chilling in bed. I said I can't do that because I don't feel to tough. Early pregnancy symptoms. So he went and took his son to nursery returned and said let's go to bed. I said I'd cuddle but that's it. He has no flounced into the kitchen and isn't talking to me. I'm so sick of not being able to go out alone. And the worst of it is he went out Saturday night and was out for 8 hours and I gave him no grief.

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 07/06/2017 10:57

Well, yes you can go out alone.

pinkyredrose · 07/06/2017 10:57

You're not oversensitive. He's a controlling cunt.

19lottie82 · 07/06/2017 10:58

Your partner is being controlling and abusive. But I think you know this already.

Original poster

Lolly34h · 07/06/2017 11:11

I do but I'm pregnant and can't see a way out of it now. He's lovely most of the time. He doesn't have a job and I keep saying he could do with one as we need the money. He says why can't I get a job. I would but I suffer with ibs quite badly and am also 7 weeks pregnant which isn't helping. We have just had a right argument I'm currently hiding in the bath. I can't deal with his crap today. I feel so sick I can't function. He says I've caused an argument to get out the house. I've made no attempt to leave the house today just sat down stairs in my pj's

OP posts:

LauraMoon · 07/06/2017 11:13

Whose house is it?

In your shoes I would seriously consider a termination.

You need to leave him. This is no life.

19lottie82 · 07/06/2017 11:15

Do you have any family that can help you?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 07/06/2017 11:16

Pregnant or not there is still a door in your house. .

Don't use a baby as an excuse to have to stay or you may come to resent it. .
And you sure as hell won't enjoy motherhood.

Adora10 · 07/06/2017 11:17

Sorry he can't possibly be described as lovely when he treats you like a prisoner; this is neither normal or healthy.

He sounds a total waster.

RoganJosh · 07/06/2017 11:17

It's really not normal to have a partner who doesn't want you to go out on your own or bosses you about like this.
Would you treat someone like this?

SmokingGun · 07/06/2017 11:18

Do both of you not work currently? If so, does he think it's your job to keep him company all day, every day? That's not a healthy relationship, you can go where you want and do what you want.

blankface · 07/06/2017 11:19

No way are you being over-sensitive.
He won't work but wants you to do everything he says, when he says it and he is cutting you off from your friends.

End it now, walk away or throw him out, there's absolutely no future in this "relationship"

It's not a relationship when one person gives the orders and another one has to obey.

Original poster

Lolly34h · 07/06/2017 11:19

It's my house but our money is together. Although I dont see a lot of it. The tax credits goes into his account and I just manage shopping and gas and electric most weeks. I get esa for myself and I use that for any bits my children need but that's caused some issues. I paid 10 for a pair of shorts for my 14 year old daughter yesterday and he had a right moan saying she didn't need them. She's going on a fmily holiday in august and I've been buying little bits to make it easier when I take her for a few bits. I just don't like the way I'm loving or my kids are. But all he says when I say we are finished is why should he uproot his son.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lolly34h · 07/06/2017 11:21

How can I make him leave? Can I separate my tax credits easily?

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 07/06/2017 11:21

Is the pregnancy now your only dc together?

Is termination an option?

I really think you need out of this.

Original poster

Lolly34h · 07/06/2017 11:23

It's our fist together I have 2 children and he has 3. 1 of which loves with is full time.
Termination isn't an option I'm not opposed to doing it alone. I did with my eldest

OP posts:

TheBakeryQueen · 07/06/2017 11:24

What an awful situation for you. Do you have any real life support? You need to make him leave but obviously you don't want to put your kids or yourself in any danger.

Could you phone the police non emergency line or women's aid for advice?

ALittleMop · 07/06/2017 11:28

Kick the controlling lazy selfish prick out

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/06/2017 11:31

Your partner is controlling and controlling behaviour like this is abusive. Your children are seeing all this happen to you within your home and no, he is not lovely. What you are seeing from him really is the nice/nasty cycle that abusive people do to their chosen target; he targeted you deliberately and you need to make a life without him in it now. There is always a way out; do not grow flowers in the hole he has dug for you.

How is it that the tax credits go into his account rather than yours?.
This person wormed his way into your affections and life and now you really need to get him out of your day to day existance.

Womens Aid as well can and will help you here on 0808 2000 247.

You really do not want to be teaching your children this dysfunctional model of a relationship as they could well go onto abuse or become victims of controllers themselves.

Dancinginthemidnight · 07/06/2017 11:32

Phone womans aid they will help you leave.

user1488270932 · 07/06/2017 11:33

Get him out to fuck.

Get on the phone and get the tax credits changed to your account.

Go meet your friend and tell her what's happening. You need help to get this piece of shit out.
Don't put up with it. Things won't get better they will get worse. Hes trying to cut you off from your friends and family.

Original poster

Lolly34h · 07/06/2017 11:43

I've told him he has 3 days to find somewhere else I'm being reasonable. He just told me to fuck off why should he and his son be uprooted because I'm a selfish fuck. Maybe it is me. I can't cope with this. I don't want him here.

OP posts:

isitjustme2017 · 07/06/2017 11:43

This is not good. What IS good, however is that the house is yours. If you want him to leave, he HAS to leave so ignore his moans about uprooting his son. How old is his son?
Once you get him out, call tax credits and start a 'single' claim.
Its such a shame when kids are involved but this is abusing behaviour and he clearly has serious issues. This is not your fault, or your problem.

isitjustme2017 · 07/06/2017 11:45

If he point blank refuses to leave then tell him you will involve the police. I know this is drastic but hopefully the mere threat of it will spur him on. Does he have family he could go to?

user1488270932 · 07/06/2017 11:49

If it's your house he has to leave. Ring the police and report him. They will have no problem removing him.

Msqueen33 · 07/06/2017 11:49

He's a bastard. A lazy one at that. You need to really consider leaving. I'd also be tempted to terminate so as not to have any contact with him. He sounds like a useless, horrible cunt.

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