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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

'D'H isn't speaking to me

34 replies

sooperdooper · 07/06/2017 07:16

My DH is driving me mad, I'm working away today and needed to be somewhere by 8.30/9am this morning - it wouldve meant getting up at 5am to get a taxi & train so work offered me a cheap hotel & to stay last night instead if I wanted to.

I took the hotel option to make life easier for myself, we have no dc so I can't see why I shouldn't

Before I left he moaned I could've done the journey in a day, and that he did a similar journey in a day and why wasn't I doing the same

Yesterday morning he left for work without saying bye, I text him yesterday (with news about a hospital appointment that affects him too) no reply, I rang him and no reply either

I'm so pissed off, it's like he's punishing me for making life easier for myself, I can't see what I've done wrong? Confused

OP posts:
LittleGreenPear · 07/06/2017 07:18

The only thing you've done wrong was marrying this idiot

He sounds petty , jealous and a little controlling to me. He's punishing you by not speaking to you

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 07/06/2017 07:18

He needs to grow up.

Original poster
sooperdooper · 07/06/2017 07:25

I'm not going to keep ringing or texting, I'm just really bloody irritated and could do without the nonsens

OP posts:
JustAMusing · 07/06/2017 07:27

On what basis is he objecting?

Doesn't make any sense to me. Why wouldn't you have taken the hotel option?

ptumbi · 07/06/2017 07:29

He's objecting because he 'loves you so much and can't bear to spend a night without you...' I reckon.

AKA as controlling and needy.

Red flag.

TheNaze73 · 07/06/2017 07:31

Starve his fire of oxygen by ignoring him & not pandering to him.
Lots of high maintenance pricks, of both sexes try to use the silent treatment as a weapon.
He's being a twat

kateclarke · 07/06/2017 07:31

Massive red flag.

Please reconsider this relationship, as it's really unhealthy.

tigerdog · 07/06/2017 07:36

He's behaving appallingly. It's really mean and petty to ignore you for being away for a night. Does he do this whenever you make independent plans?

I am away with work often, I couldn't handle there being resentment around that. Thankfully my DH always encourages me to do whatever makes my life easier, that's how it should be!

mrholmes · 07/06/2017 07:47

It's NEVER okay to ignore. Is he a child. Tell him how the ignoring makes you feel and that it's not acceptable and you won't accept it and that adults communicate their problems.

Does he do this often?

Loopytiles · 07/06/2017 07:48

Emotionally abusive behaviour. Does he do this kind of thing often?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/06/2017 07:53

You have not done anything wrong but he wants to exert his own power and control over you all the same. Silent treatment as well in this case is really another form of emotional abuse; its never about being silence.

Abusers are not nasty all the time because if they were, no-one would want to be with them. He probably does the nice/nasty cycle of abuse and that is a continuous cycle as well.

Indeed do not keep on ringing or texting him. I would instead reassess the relationship and start to plan your exit from it.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 07/06/2017 07:54

Very mean behaviour, I'd actually seriously have it out with him on this and really get to the bottom of it.
Chances are he'll spin something to make you feel guilty/bad for going which isn't on, you can't be having this for work!
I've suggested to my husband that I might take a hotel option this Sunday night for a course I'm at on Monday and he didn't bat an eyelid.
It's unfair behaviour to make you feel that you have to change something that you'd normally do for yourself without a second thought.

TheFirstMrsDV · 07/06/2017 07:54

He is sulking
If he is otherwise a nice man who doesn't have other worrying behaviors you can just ignore the sulking
It goes away when it doesn't work
He does it because its a tactic that has worked for him in the past. Its probably worked with you at some point.

Its not possible to state someone is controlling, abusive or whatever from a few words on an internet post.
Only you can work that out.

Iamthinking · 07/06/2017 07:56

What everyone else has said above. You won't hear any different on this thread it will be unanimous.
Start writing a diary so you can document all incidences like this for yourself. It will give the full picture and won't let you forget.

RedSkyAtNight · 07/06/2017 07:57

The moaning about the hotel is not on.

But not sure how you can tell someone is "ignoring" a text or deliberately not answering when you ring? As opposed to just being busy ...?

morningconstitutional2017 · 07/06/2017 08:10

I guess he's annoyed because you put common sense first re the hotel instead of allowing him to be the centre of the universe. It's not very grown up - as he's sulking leave him to stew in his own juice until he decides to grow up a bit more. Maybe point this out to him if you feel like a 'discussion'.

Xanadu44 · 07/06/2017 08:11

How often does he do things like this? That's ridiculously immature!

diddl · 07/06/2017 08:12

Well I might be a bit pissed off & jealousBlush if my work had made me travel on the day.

But you know, I'd be glad for you & get over myself.

I'd leave the contacting now & see if he contacts back/what he's like when you get back.

FetchezLaVache · 07/06/2017 08:12

I would say it's extremely controlling - passive aggression when you don't put what he wants over what makes your life easier as negative reinforcement so you will remember to toe the line in future.

AlternativeTentacle · 07/06/2017 08:13

Oh no did he have to cook his own dinner and make his own breakfast and pull his own plonker?

Woody67 · 07/06/2017 08:14

My husband used to do this if I ever went away. I used to tell him he was being pathetic and went anyway. He doesn't do it any more. Don't pander to him. Im off to Spain for a girly weekend on Friday. Yay!!

Pinkknickers · 07/06/2017 08:15

Wow, what a big baby. Ignore him, don't give this kind of behaviour any attention. A bit like when a child is being naughty, don't reward it with attention as they will don't all the more. In fact, I'd book myself in for another night in the hotel!

Farmerswifeupnorth81 · 07/06/2017 08:16

I understand it's petty etc so I'd just ignore him and let him get on with his huff. Straightaway you get the MN posters saying he is abusive blah blah blah. Bloody hell he is only having a huffy moment and it doesn't automatically mean he is an abusive husband and she should leave him (unless he does this often and there is more background abusive behaviour ) . Every bloody post that is a dh having a moment automatically means he is abusive according to mamy MN posters .

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 07/06/2017 08:22

Sorry but I regularly tell hubbie to book a hotel rather than have an incredibly long day with 2 lots of tiring travelling either end. He is being selfish. It's also dangerous to drive whilst physically and mentally tired.

Original poster
sooperdooper · 07/06/2017 08:34

RedSkyAtNight well it's very unusual for him to not reply to a text and a phone call within a few hours, so added to the leaving without saying bye I take that as ignoring, on the odd occasion one of us leaves the house without saying bye for some reason we always text

I'm just going to leave it, got a busy day & no time to worry about it now!

OP posts: