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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sexting

36 replies

PookieDo · 05/06/2017 23:01

Do women actually ever enjoy doing this? Is it a turn on or do it for men because they like it? Not necessarily photos but just sexy chat. I never send photos

I have no interest in it, it does not arouse me and actually it's really quite boring. I've always felt this way about it. I perfectly like having sex In real life just not this virtual reality.

Wondering as it comes up from time to time and yet to this day I have never enjoyed it!

OP posts:
Jellyheadbang · 05/06/2017 23:03

I love it. With the right person it flows if u get each other and understand how to flip that persons switch. It can be exciting.
So hoping I'm not in the minority here...

PookieDo · 05/06/2017 23:04

Thanks - I'm actually interested in WHY I don't like it. I feel like it could be great!

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HildaOg · 05/06/2017 23:08

I like it, as Jelly says with the right person its a lot of fun. I'm really bad, I love sending photos because I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. I have a photo collection of the nicest looking cocks and another with full bodies of naked men.

HildaOg · 05/06/2017 23:12

You could get into it if you have fantasies to share. Share and let it flow from there. Has to be with someone who's good at chatting though!!!!

Emboo19 · 05/06/2017 23:16

I really enjoy it!
Not really sending photos, but messaging what we'd like to do to each other or what we have done or some pure fantasy stuff.
I definitely find it a turn on and it's surely what most of the emojis were actually designed for.

josuk · 05/06/2017 23:32

If you don't enjoy it - why worry about it? Or make yourself want to like it? lol
It's like with anything else - you like what you like...

WeeMcBeastie · 05/06/2017 23:39

I love it but the chemistry and connection has to be there. I like sending and receiving photos too but I don't show my face in any pictures.

Jellyheadbang · 06/06/2017 00:27

If it's not for u then don't worry about it. U might find one day with the right person u fancy it. If you don't then it's not a problem. Plenty more ways to skin a cat (eek probably shouldn't use that phrase anymore but u get my gist)
Enjoy what u love, be open to new ideas but only to anhancd things for you and never just to make someone else happy if u don't like it.

Huskylover1 · 06/06/2017 08:02

I enjoyed this in my 30's. I am 47 now, and happily married, but I am sure that if I was ever single again, that I would NOT get involved in sexting. I think the guys always take it too far, and actually can get a bit too big for their boots and sometimes disrespectful. I would behave more gracefully if single again. Audrey Hepburn me thinks.

noego · 06/06/2017 08:06

Erotic fantasy fiction, what's not to like :)

Howfrustrating · 06/06/2017 11:27

I regularly do with my long term partner, it's a great way to build up during the day and means we really look forward to seeing each other in the evening. I'm home on mat leave and it's a great way to brighten up his day at work. I think flirting is really important in our relationship even after 20+ years.

He did however just send me a message about a bulk deal on toilet rolls from Groupon and was told in no uncertain terms that this is not the sort of dirty talk I want Grin

PookieDo · 06/06/2017 11:39

I just find it boring - it's not repulsive. I kind of just go along with it hoping it it is over quicker and not dragged out...I wonder if the instigator is just all about their agenda and not what floats mine and that's the issue!

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Howfrustrating · 06/06/2017 11:46

I only enjoy it because it's my partner who I know well, it wouldn't be the same with someone I didn't know as intimately. You know you don't have to go along with it if it doesn't float your boat don't you?

PookieDo · 06/06/2017 11:55

Yeah I don't always engage in it. It's my boyfriend. We aren't able to be together all the time so I do think it's him trying to keep the spark going, IMO the spark is fine without late night wank sessions

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BarnsligRav · 06/06/2017 11:56

I like it with the right person. When I was single and online dating, a lot of men just wanted to do sexting from the start which I wasn't into, I have to be attracted to the person physically and emotionally, and it has to start organically rather than "let's start sexting now".

CountryCaterpillar · 06/06/2017 12:01

My husband can't do it. He's a man of few words. More of a "that's nice" reply which isn't really it!!

I loved it when I was dating though/online and would do now if my partner would!!! Little cheeky text on way home from work etx. He's not particularly highly strung sexually though and it really doesn't work for him!

CountryCaterpillar · 06/06/2017 12:02

I don't get all the photos though. Cock picks just make me laugh and are not for me. Or posing pics. Id rather a nice pic of someone rambling in the countryside or by the sea!!! Similarly I've never taken pics of myself (surely they know what a pic of your books look like you dint need to keep sending then...) but then that doesn't work for me and I could see it might for others!

Girlywurly · 06/06/2017 12:09

I love sexting even if I'm not hugely into receiving pics. I don't mind dick pics if I'm already intimate with the guy, but I find posey, sultry pics really ridiculous. It's like they're sending the sorts of pictures they want to receive, and totally lacking in insight as to what typically turns women on/off?!

I'm very verbal though, and love a bit of dirty talk, so sexting really works for me, both in anticipation of a shag and also to 'review' it the following day! Grin

Oblomov17 · 06/06/2017 12:15

I've never done it. Been with dh too long.

Aren't you worried? That your'll break up and they'll show someone?

I know this is a poor comparison, but, A girl in Year 7, yes, first year of secondary, gave a boy a blow job and sent pictures. Another boy sent cock picture. Both went not viral, but wildfire. I said to ds1, all you need to remember is that 'once it's sent, you can't take it back'.

Which is still true for us oldies. Why would anyone want a picture of my old bits?

Adora10 · 06/06/2017 13:59

Sexting, smutty talk, whatever fine.

Sending nude pics of myself - never, no matter how much I love the guy.

Girlywurly · 06/06/2017 14:18

That's horrendous, Oblomov. Did the police get involved?

Oblomov17 · 06/06/2017 14:48

No Girly. Well actually I don't know. But in both cases the parents weren't even aware. Or so ds1 claims.

But that's beside the point. I didn't really want to derail thread with discussions about school children.

But photos can be shared. That's all I was saying.

but I am fascinated about how the men and women, in their 30s and 40s, dating also sexting, sending photos.

and just wondering whether you are not concerned, what happens to those photos afterwards?

wherearemymarbles · 06/06/2017 14:56

Does little or nothing for me really. But maybe my age, late 40's and how long we've been together

JellyBean31 · 06/06/2017 15:01

I love it when I'm in the mood. It can leave me cold at other times.

I've sent and received pictures (not faces) that are contextually appropriate at the time and I delete them after the (ahem) event! Obviously, I have no idea if the pics I send are deleted but as I said, it isn't my face

It is just like erotic fiction, at times I can be sexting saying I'm in sexy lingerie and doing allsorts of wild things to myself when in actual fact I'm in my pjs watching TV but enjoying turning him on at the same time.

Girlywurly · 06/06/2017 16:45

I always delete pictures at the end of a relationship, although I am aware he may not do likewise. I would never send anything to a man that I would not be happy for him to keep forever, and potentially show to other people. Needless to say I tend not to send very much at all!!