Selfish DP

[ThatWouldBeGreat]

Morning everyone,

I am just really irritated at the moment, I don't have anyone in RL that I want to openly discuss this with as I am the person that everyone comes to when they've got problems.

The issue is DP and his very selfish ways, I am 5 months pregnant and he is not being supportive at all, it is almost as if he doesn't care, he was awake at 6am this morning all I asked him to do is get DS5 ready for school meaning, give him breakfast, bath him and get him dressed he replied with "I've got a headache" I left him in bed asleep and now I've come home he is not here, but he supposedly has a head ache.

I am not going to drip feed - our relationship is not the best, every time he have an argument or a disagreement he ignores me for days, the arguing doesn't happen in front of DS, but before he broke up for half-term he had cried in school for three consecutive days but would not tell his teacher or me why, I don't know why this is because he enjoys going to school and on the way he is happy and talkative.

To be honest I don't really know what kind of advice I want, but he feels good to let it out.

Thanks for listening/reading this.

Can I ask you a real question? That you need to not be offended and think about?

Is your loneliness more important than your children growing up in a safe, happy, loving home where no one makes anyone cry, no one is ignored and everyone is special?

@PookieDo it's okay no offence taken, my childrens happiest comes before everything, DS has told dad the reason behind the tears at school, he has been upset because sports day is coming soon, and he can't keep up with the other children due to him getting out of breath and becoming very tired, which is due to health issues he has)

I do love myself if I didn't I wouldn't be able to love others, I just need to address some of the problems I have, after the talk me and DP had he is not home right now, which I thought would be one of the changes and I don't want to confront him about it as it will only cause problems.

Is me asking for him to spend time at home, a lot for me to ask for?

No, you're not asking for a lot.

Please, think very carefully about your future and that of your children. I know it can be very daunting to think about leaving and starting again, but from what you've said here, you'd be better off on your own - without him - and your children will be happier too.

Hey OP, I started again aged 27 with 2 children, and then aged 35, with 3 children I started yet again. Third time lucky! We've been together for 18 years so far.

You're not going to spend the rest of your life alone if you leave him, seriously.

@Seeingadistance my son would not be happy if dad left or we had to go and live somewhere else.

@Motoko I would not want to be in a relationship someone else, as my children will always come first no matter what and I would never trust another man around them, mum and dad split when I was 9 she never brought another man around us let alone has more children.

I have made my decision I am going to stay with him and try and change some of my ways, and hopefully our relationship will improve.

If you've decided to stay, make sure you go to counselling. He will be forced to answer questions about his behaviour there.

Ok OP, I wish you all the best.

Has he always been like this? Or is his moodiness and unhelpfulness a recent trait?
As someone going through separation at the moment, I would encourage you to to try and talk to him about how you are feeling. It may not result in any improvements but down the line, you will be glad you at least tried.

@Giraffey1 no he hasn't always been like this, the reason I am going to give him a chance is because he suggested that we go to relationship therapy, so that means he does want us to stay together right?