The pressures of being a single mum whilst trying to do a nursing degree! Not sure I can do this.....

[user1496589862]

Lately, my head has felt all fuzzy. To the point of feeling faint and it is like my head is racing. I am anxious. I have not cried in so so long. Today I have cried so much my face is all puffy, because I feel like giving it all up. I'm in my 2nd year and to honest have not enjoyed one part of my degree. How can I. I am always skint! Struggling to find childcare and to pay for it! Counting every last penny for fuel to get to placements. Working extra hours to pay my mortgage. Which this month I cannot find. I have no free time to date which isn't top priority, I know, but I get lonely sometimes. I have no childcare for tomorrow after school and I am on placement 9-5. I knew it was going to be tough but not this tough! Is it all worth it??
I am studying mental health whilst questioning my own! I cant give it up. I have nothing else! I have studied since 2012 to get in to uni.

I am so sorry for moaning! Life is too short to be unhappy. I want to find 'happy' again!
I don't have anyone to talk to. Hoping for someone to chat to on here!

Hello User, firstly a massive well done on almost completing 2 years. I'm just coming to the end of my first year doing a midwifery degree and can appreciate how difficult it can be juggling placement and uni and assignments never mind adding children into the mix.

Have you been to your GP? I've not much advice but eating well and raking care of yourself will certainly help. Sorry, I'm sure you know all this already.

Do you have support at uni? Is there a personal tutor you could speak to who could give you some advice and support? Good luck with it all

Hi OP! I'm sure there's a way to freeze your mortgage for a set amount of years, aslong as you maintain the interest! Maybe speak to your bank and have a talk to your financial advisor?

Thankyou MonrOe
Wow! Well done you. It really is difficult isnt it?
I do try so so hard to look after myself. I often try all I can to lift my mood. Keep organised, spend time with my children, exercise, eat well, cut down on the wine, spend time with good people. Its like I have mini breakdowns. Cant keep up the strength.
I am worried about speaking to my uni as what I really want to say is 'I think I have made a mistake but Im in too deep'

Not sure that will go down too well.

it's not too much longer now, if you can just get through the next year.
Soon this will all be a distant memory and it is so worth it.
Have you looked into if you can get a tax rebate? you may be entitled if you've been earning under the threshold. Does your uni have a hardship fund just you get you through the next month?
thinking of you

Very well done and congratulations for getting into year 2. I did this in the 1980's. I was the first unmarried mum to be allowed to continue with the course at this particular hospital and by God did they let me know it.
Had to go back 6 weeks after the birth and straight onto a 10 night stretch.
At least back then childcare was not so massively expensive.
Could relatives not loan you a bit of money? Once you start nursing you should be able to earn a fair bit after a few years.
Keep going, it will be worth it.

Thanks MissBax
I have done all I can with my mortgage company as I fell into arrears a few years ago and nearly lost our home. I am paying arrears off.
That would be great if I could though.

scaredofthecity thankyou, means alot.
I have looked into the uni hardship fund. I need to look even further, its like I cant do everything that is needed to be done. I have so much to do. I cant cope.

Mermaid thankyou, I have leant money in the past off family when my exH left. It was tough times. When I look back I dont even know how I got through it mentally.
People say it will be worth it but I am not so sure. I am not enjoying it :(

ps well done mermaid that must of been tough for you!

Yes, it's difficult. Physically, emotionally and financially. And I have good support from DH and my DM helps with childcare so I really do admire you doing it on your own.

If I were you I would do everything I could to make it through your final year. With the bursary being scrapped if you step off now you may not be able to pick it up later on and you could come to regret it massively. Once you are qualified you will have so many more career options plus obviously your earning potential.

How do you feel about the work in general? Is it the stress that is stopping you enjoying it or do you truly feel even once qualified it is not the job for you? Have you looked into other career paths that you could possibly go on to?

Also (being nosy now!) how old are you and dc's??

You're nearly there. I was a single mum of two when I did the last two years of my nursing degree, I don't remember a thing about it, hey are lost years but I do remember feeling like you and wanting to give up.

Don't!

Having my career is the best thing that happened to my family, it's worth the pain x

Also, please do reach out to someone at uni if you can. I can only speak for my own but the tutors at my uni are hugely supportive and want us to succeed. I'm sure it's nothing they haven't heard before

MonrOe thanks again. Its so good to talk about it. I cant discuss it with anyone as I feel I would be letting everyone down. I am 36 and my DC's are 12, 10 and 8. I love working with people and wish I had done general instead of mental health as soon as I started but it was too late. My reasons for wanting to do mh nursing are worthy but its so BIG that its not what I thought it would be. I have just kept hoping I would find a placement I enjoy, but have not. I have worked with some lovely people and love being part of such a caring team but the work is not me. I feel so terrible admitting that. I am so grateful for my funding and bursary. Not sure there is as many opportunities in mh than there are in general nursing. I should speak to someone at my uni really, just scared to.

EC22 thankyou. Really?! This is what I hear alot of. I also hear negative about the role and how they would never do mh nursing if they were to start over. Did you feel you were anxious all the time?

Hi! I'm also a single parent student nurse coming to the end of 2nd year........some bits I've loved, others I've hated but the overwhelming feelings I've had are guilt and pure exhaustion

I don't think I was anxious just stressed, at that time you didn't have to do the degree and I almost just did the diploma (10+ years ago) but so glad I did the degree as It gave me so many more options.

You've got plenty options in MH, you've just not found one that's right for you yet but there's bound to be something?

Thankyou everyone!
Blush do you ever feel like you just cant physically or mentally do anymore? I am forever arranging, rearranging childcare. Counting my pennies. I am probably just feeling sorry for myself but I am struggling to the point that my head just doesn't feel right!
I wish I could say I feel differently this morning.

I wish I had some advice for you, but really just wanted to tell you that you're amazing. I found my nurse training draining, exhausting and barely manageable and I didn't have children then. I did my SCPHN a couple of years ago with small children, that was only a year and no shift work (albeit lots of travelling) and it pushed me over the edge.
Give yourself a massive fucking pat on the back xx

Also your personal turtle WILL be able to help, as will your mentors on placement. Please talk to them, they want you to succeed and keep yourself well while doing so. These experiences you're having now will only add to the empathy and compassion you show for others in your future career.

What's a personal turtle? Wish I had one. Personal TUTOR! (Dick phone)

Thankyou Ellebelly that means alot, thankyou.
Its tough isnt it? I think I have reached that point as I have had absolutely every emotion trained from my body. I just want to be at home with my DSC's. I have even been looking for jobs :(

Ps haha turtle! Me too!
I am considering chatting to my tutor. My mentor is lovely but I dont want to come across as the negative student.

I like the idea of a personal turtle. Joking aside, I was a uni lecturer and course leader for many many years and I think you should take advantage of all the help available. You won't be judged and tutors have nothing but admiration for people coping in your situation.

Thankyou pog100
Ok, I will speak to my tutor.

Do speak to your uni tutor, we can help students best if they alert us to problems early. We want you to succeed
Also definitely ask the student union what they can do to help too, ours is very helpful. Good luck.

When my dd was in college she had a mini breakdown this time every year when exam time came. She couldnt do it. Totally stressed. She didnt have dc , a placement , a mortgage, bills . I think you are amazing. But it will be worth it. Try not to think ahead. Just take the next step. Dont even think about the work longterm. Just get to the end of this term.Here in lrelands teens are out for the summer. Could you get a local teen to mind your dc after school?
It seems like this will go on forever but it wont. You are doing brilliantly and it will be worth it.

I will speak to my tutor and see what she says. Thankyou slightly.

june thankyou. I do try not to think ahead too much as its just busy from one day to the next. I cant afford a babysitter. I pay for after school clubs but do not have the money this month.

I need to book some more bank shifts but my head has been all over the place being on placement 9-5 at the moment. Before uni I was a very chilled person this is why I am shocked at how my body is reacting. My mind is in overdrive.