Not in love with my wife how i once was!

[Cornwallcornwall]

I have to ask it here, mumsnet helped us so much over the years, from my child fall to screaming. Anyways we have been married 10 years got one child who is 5. We have been lovely together, soulmates! Best you can imagine. We are both around 30. Since last year or so things are changing, she is starting to agressive, does not like if i comment how i want to raise my child, maybe because i am not there 24X7, she is. Well We cant separate as i she was perfect, these are small things, but i dont love her as much as i did. We are not the soulmates we once were, maybe its a process of growing up, i dont know And i just continue providong and carrying on. We do have sex once a week, not sure if we both like it much, well i guess it keeps us bonded, Is this normal, or do we need to do something, could it get worse? I know the obvious answer will be talk to her, but i mean what there is to say or ask! Thanks for your help

Is this normal?

You were obviously quite young when you met and it's normal to grow and change emotionally and in your interests as you age. You are right that the key is to talk to each other. Spend time together not doing parent/house things. See what you both do enjoy and like, what would you like to change, what is your ambition moving forward for your relationship.

Thanks!

I HATE when men do this.

He knows his wife posts on Mumsnet, so he's posted it here in hopes that either she will see it, or he can use the replies as a stick to beat her with, or both.

We're not bloody stupid.

Well i was hoping i wont get that, i am truly after some advise tgat how does relationshop changes after many years, its not for punishing but for understanding, i have changed few details, new account, its just a normal phase i think all relatonship goes through. Sorry you feel that way, but maybe you are right, maybe i will just close the thread in a day or so.

Maybe i dont live in cornwall!

Get your head out of your arse, dust yourself down & tackle your issues.

1. soulmates, the whole concept is utter bollocks

1. She's not giving you what you want, emotionally & sexually. What's the point?

There are millions of people out there, who'll deliver what you want. I'd leave if you're not happy. You only get one shot at life

The Naze. Millions? Well jumping will not help i think, i think or imagine all relationships find rockbottom, point is that you have so many years in a relationahip, maybe it will be all better! I dont know maybe you are right

No relationship stays the same. That heady soulmate feeling wears off eventually and normal life takes over.
Marriage is bloody hard work, you have to constantly sacrifice yourself for the other person and be innovative in order to keep the marriage alive.
Sex, passion and all of those things fall away and leave you with a real family, loyalty, committment long term, companionship and a deeper happiness but that doesn't happen on it's own, you have to work at it every single day.
if your wife is being nasty to you then I suggest it's becasue she is very resentful about something. When was the last time you gave her a lovely gift out of the blue, did something lovely on her birthday, gave her flowers, did the washing up, helped with something she hates doing.
This needs sorting out now or there will be no family.

Sorry if I was a bit blunt but, my point is you have options. Don't put up or moan. Do something if you're unhappy

"Raise MY child" Was that a Freudian slip?

Mermaid, Maybe I am not the best of husbands after all, but thanks for your advise, but it seems true that "Marriage is bloody hard work". Needs to be strong i guess

When my husband and I feel disconnected and just going through the motions, we take some time just for us. Alone...no children. Sometimes for the evening or a weekend. But essentially it is the only way we can really talk and reconnect. Argue if we need to whatever it is that we can't sort out day by day.

Happy days, Thank you and you are right, i maybe an arrongant ass afterall.

Since last year or so things are changing, she is starting to agressive, does not like if i comment how i want to raise my child, maybe because i am not there 24X7, she is. Your child? Well that doesn't sound at all domineering 🙄 Be totally honest with yourself, are you leaving the majority of the parenting to your wife while you're off doing whatever it is you're doing, then coming home and criticising her parenting because she's not done things the way you wanted?

And if you believe in the concept of soul mates, then she can't be your soul mate all the time things are fine, but stop being your soulmate once things settle down and get a bit staid. Your post makes you sound selfish and over indulgent. Happy marriages don't always just happen, they sometimes need a bit of work and it doesn't sound like you realise this.

If you're after advice, mine would be to take your head out of your bottom, stop being so selfish and start working with your wife to give your relationship a boost. Take her on dates, talk to her and really listen to what she has to say. Laugh with each other. Send her a text during the day to ask how she's doing and if there's anything she needs you to bring home with you. Tell her you appreciate her being at home 24/7. Give her time to get out on her own. Don't criticise the choices she's made in your absence. Discuss (and I do mean discuss, not tell) how you'll be raising your child.

Good grief there are some bitter and sexist posters on here.

It is absolutely OK for a man to come for advice, just as it is a woman.

We all change from 20ish, to 30ish.
We all change when we have a child.
We all change when a realtionship 'settles' from the excitement and passion and romance of day1, to the ordinary, everydayness of 10 years in.
Listen to Mermaid and MumWhatNothing. You've recognised that things aren't going great at the moment, so, together with your wife, try to do something about it. Talk to each other. Take time for each other. Spend time doing something together just as a couple. Try nd remind yourself what makes her laugh. What did you used to do together before having your dc? How did you spend time? Is it possible to recreate some of that, or to make a conscious effort to do something new together once a week or once a month, so you can reconnect?

The difference in replies to male posters are awful

The last few posters (apart from the ones who have offered decent advice!) should be embarrassed of themselves.

Perhaps couples counselling may help OP

"maybe because i am not there 24X7"

How much of the time have you been there over the last 5 years and 9months?

Auntie well i meant i work, sometimes come home late because of work, and omce a week i go out with old friends to pub etc but we do live together. So im with them rest.

Snotnose and backforgood tganks for the advise

When DH feels distant to me, I ask him what's going on and how he's feeling. I find that's the easiest way to stay connected.

Backforgood, could this be a phase? So if i dont do anuthong, it will resolve itself? I mran if i say things are not alright, wont it will be tiptoeing all the time, thanks

You only get out what you put in with life so maybe it's time to put in a bit of effort. Get the child minded and go out together for the day or night, I feel she's being aggressive call her on it and see what's up, time to talk openly.

Do you feel that you could get back to loving her that way you used to? If so it is time to talk to her. Ask her if she is happy and okay. You say she is getting aggressive, happy people aren't aggressive people. Tell her you feel a distance growing and you'd like both of you to work on closing that gap. If the child is a new addition then that probably answers everything. A child will massively change the dynamic of a relationship especially at the start.

Does she get a time a week with friends?

How often does she go out with friends?

Hoe often do you have sole charge of DC?

How often do you go out, just the two of you?