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Original poster

Dp telling me to shut up

47 replies

2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 07:25

Recently dp of almost 7 years has been complaining that I don't talk to him! I am very quiet but after some reflection I had realised that when I do talk to him, it's met with a sigh from him, or just complete silence, so I don't feel like I should talk to him,

The evenings usually persist with him talking non stop and me just listening and him complaining that I don't talk.

Last night I came home in a really good mood from work with ds! I was talking to dp about my day and was genuinely upbeat and chatty!

After about 5 minutes dp literally said "oooh just shut up!!!"

Now! I'm feeling it this morning, we had a row over it last night where he at first said he was "joking" before saying that I "don't say anything important enough to listen to"

The evening persisted and I again was quiet without even being able to think of anything to add to the "conversation" and him getting frustrated! I've explained to him that all he does is belittle my comments, not speak in return to when I speak (to this he says the conversation was over at that point) and literally tells me to shut up.

I feel rotten and down this morning. When I say anything to ds he'll go over the top and try and out smart me.

I don't know why I'm posting. But for me, I think I've had enough.

I'm not a boring person, I have friends who I can talk to just fine. It's just him.

OP posts:
dontcallmethatyoucunt · 02/06/2017 07:28

Wow, what a pig. I'd have had enough too!

user1480334601 · 02/06/2017 07:31

I agree, I think you have had enough. And rightly so! He sounds very rude and annoying

Tootsiepops · 02/06/2017 07:32

Gosh - how rude of him.

Hermonie2016 · 02/06/2017 07:35

That's awful.Can you imagine if he did this within the first few weeks of dating, you would dump him.
You were right to challenge him and his lack of responsibility or willingness to say sorry tells you it will continue.
It isn't you..because he's feeling inadequate he's deciding to project his nastiness onto you.

What's the house situation? Can you leave?

Original poster
2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 07:36

He is rude! Very rude!

He spends all night talking politics and science and to be honest sometimes I can't believe he's still going on about the same topic nearly 45 minutes later! But I've never once told him to shut up!

I once tried saying "come on let's carry on playing pool"

And he went crazy, saying I was being rude to him and that I shouldn't try and make him stop talking like that and a massive row ensued!

I'm so sick of being treated like I'm thick! I am not thick! I've done very well in school, I've obtained my degree from home and I'm working 2 jobs now!

OP posts:
Original poster
2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 07:37

@Hermonie2016 we're on a rolling month by month contract so yes I can leave.

I am seriously considering ending it and going back to near where my family live. I'm sick to death of living like this.

OP posts:
ButtonMushroomEx · 02/06/2017 07:38

The evenings usually persist with him talking non stop and me just listening and him complaining that I don't talk.

Then...

saying that I "don't say anything important enough to listen to"

What kind of head fuck is this for you?

I can be really PA over these things so most likely if it were me this evening I'd be putting my finger on my lips and giving my loudest and longest "SHUSSSSSSHHH" every time he opened his mouth.

I really wouldn't want to hear another word.

Ceto · 02/06/2017 07:40

You really shouldn't have to deal with a man who is so arrogant and who is constantly rude to you. It sounds like you will be immeasurably better off with him out of your life.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/06/2017 07:41

I'm not surprised you've had enough.

I would be planning my exit now from this relationship also because he is setting your son a bad example too. He could also start telling you to shut up sooner rather than later as well.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what in particular is this man teaching him?. Its not your fault your man is this inadequate that he has to revert to such tactics to make his own pathetic self feel better. Such men do not change, do not stay in the hopes he will.

Shayelle · 02/06/2017 07:41

It doesnt sound like he likes you very much. He sounds like a boring piece of shit. To quote Attila, what are you getting out of this relationship now??

Shayelle · 02/06/2017 07:42

Haha sorry Attila. X post there Grin

mumonashoestring · 02/06/2017 07:50

Verbal diarrhoea and intelligence are not the same thing - I'd be out of there by now. He sounds extremely boring as well as rude, and frankly not too bright if he can only hold his train of thought while you sit there in silence (I'm guessing he's one of these pseudo-intellectuals who think they enjoy debate right up to the point where they're challenged or questioned on something?).

You can either leave, or try and make his head explode (start singing 'the bear went up the mountain' every time he goes off on one, start snoring, sigh loudly and say 'I can't remember a time when you weren't talking'). Leaving is much less stressful!

Squishedstrawberry4 · 02/06/2017 07:54

My DH is a quiet person and the worst thing I could do is pressurise him to talk and only be disinterested/rude when he does talk.

I usually just ask him a few chit chat questions in a warm way. He's never going to talk my socks off but as long as we are both comfortable with the communication level, it's ok. Without even speaking I already know how much he loves for us and can sense what sort of day he has or how he's feeling.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 02/06/2017 07:58

So he talked at you for 45 minutes about politics then got cross when you diverted from the subject. So basically he wants everything to be about him and his interests?

Squishedstrawberry4 · 02/06/2017 08:00

Is he interested in you at all? Is he interested in friends? What's he like with other people?

ofudginghell · 02/06/2017 08:00

Can't imagine having to deal with that day in day out.
When me and dh get in from work we chat on stop. Once we've got dc in bed and put oven on to cook our tea quite often we end up eating really late because we've been chatting or doing something without realising where the times gone.
I like to chat about all sorts and so does dh.
It sounds like he's belittling you.
Maybe next time tell him his behaviour is very belittling and he speaks to you like your a child. Remind him your a grown intelligent women and it wouldn't hurt him to get off his own pedestal and wind his bloody neck In.
Does he do this to anyone else?
If not the answer is he clearly thinks he's the better one here. Doesn't sound very equal to me.
Or you could just tell him to sod ofd and start a new life

2littlemoos · 02/06/2017 08:00

He reminds me of my dad a little. Very talkative but then you want to tell him something it was "get to the point" Angry

Original poster
2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 08:04

@ofudginghell he does think he's better than me. He thinks more intelligent, has better skin (because he's 41 and looks 27) is better because he's male and I'm female!

If I had known what he was like before I got with him, I wouldn't be here now.

OP posts:
Original poster
2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 08:09

@2littlemoos I wish it was get to the point with DP, at least then he'd be listening! He literally isn't interested because I'm not talking about a new way to revolutionise the world or some new scientific research that I've been looking in to.

On a side note, I work more hours a week then him and have no time for anything else but my work, even at work I very rarely get a break, so not like I can go browsing like he does, he spends a lot of time sending me links and things to read - which I don't read because I'm working 10 hours a day like crazy! I'm out of the house 11 hours!

OP posts:
Original poster
2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 08:11

@Squishedstrawberry4 interested in me? It doesn't feel like it. He sends messages in the day saying he loves me. But when I get home I don't feel that from him! He's boring me to death! We've gone through this before where he sarcastically stopped talking and saying that he was waiting for me to "say something" I just clam up with the pressure and I've told him that!

OP posts:
GalactiCat · 02/06/2017 08:12

I think we're married to the same man OP.
Mine watches dash cam videos and god help me if I dare to speak as they are very very important. But if I watch Holby on my laptop then I'm thick as it's a soap.
Have you ever seen Strangers on a Train? I'm willing if you are (light-hearted).

Original poster
2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 08:13

@Squishedstrawberry4 also, I am very much like your husband! I alway have been. I do talk, but I ant under pressure! I've even said to him that I think ALOT. There just seems to be a hardship with translating it through to talking! Maybe I'm the one with the problem

OP posts:
Original poster
2boytrouble · 02/06/2017 08:17

@GalactiCat the same as my DP!

If I even watch anything he doesn't deem smart enough then I'm "thick and like all the rest" but it's ok for him to periodically watch something crap!

I'm also game Smile

OP posts:
balence49 · 02/06/2017 08:27

Mine does this, not the rudeness, and god help him if he told me to shut up... but he is at times so boring, and quite patronising.
I occasionally ask him if he thinks I'm thick/ start snoring/ etc.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 02/06/2017 08:28

He sounds like a bully OP

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